I’ve had a lover for the past three years. He’s 54 and I’m 33. I love him with all my heart. The problem is that lately he isn’t interested in sex anymore, and I’m getting tired of playing with myself. I don’t want to cheat, but it’s getting to that point. I’m a Libra and need some balance in my life — both having sex and simply feeling good when I’m close to my dear. What should I do? I really need help.
— Full of Love
Sex is a very important part of any relationship. First of all, you need to find out why the sex has stopped. It isn’t something that you just lose interest in overnight. If this is someone you’re willing to share bodily fluids with, you should be willing to share a conversation about things that make you happy and unhappy. I do not advocate a sex buddy unless it is something both of you are willing to agree is okay, and ground rules are set before said behavior is engaged in. Communication will bring the balance you seek and it is, above all else, the first step toward resolving your problem.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year, and he recently found out I did porn some time ago. He no longer wants to date me because of my past. I really love him, Lena. What can I do to keep from losing him?
— Bummed Out
Girl, let his ass go. We have all done things in the past of which we’re both proud and ashamed. Who is he to judge you for your past? Until he has walked a day in your pumps, he has no idea what caused you to make the choices you did. Be proud of who you are and never let another individual put worth on you or your life experience. And next time, pop your cinematic achievement into the VCR on the first date. That way you’ll know right off the bat if your porno past is going to be an issue.
I have been in a relationship for two years, and I want to open the relationship, but my boyfriend does not. What do I do now?
What is the reason you want the relationship open? Are you lacking something, or is it no longer a relationship in the true sense of the word? If you are not happy, you need to move on. But if you’re clinging to the relationship just for the sake of having one, that’s wrong.
I’m a 35-year-old bull dyke — I LOVE WOMEN! Lately, though, I’ve been having a hankering for the penetration of a man — not so much desiring sex, just the penetration. At first I thought, “Well, that’s what toys are for.” But then I realized I wanted a flesh and blood person, not plastic and batteries. Since I know in my heart of hearts that I’m in fact a dyke, is this feeling normal among lesbians — i.e., the desire for penetration — or am I simply a confused gay girl in need of extensive therapy?
— Sticky Situation
I suspect that your curiosity about penetration may have overtaken what you’re calling your burning desire for penetration. Perhaps a girlfriend using toys on you would satisfy your desire for the combination of penetration and human flesh. (Two words, dear: strap-on. Or is that one word…?) Of course, it wouldn’t be too difficult to find a horny straight man willing to satisfy your curiosity. But I must say, what men have between their legs isn’t that damned special. It gets hard, it goes in — big whoop. Unless you’re genuinely attracted to men both physically and emotionally, I doubt if hooking up with one is what you really want to pursue.
Send your questions email@example.com.