Metro Weekly


QAF's Babylon visits VelvetNation. Sunday Mass at Five. Remington's crowns an Idol.

It was a cold, rainy night outside, but Hearsay was high and dry last Saturday night, May 17, as it got up close and personal with the best damn faux nightclub in the whole world — Babylon. Ah, the magic of television. Webster’s describes the ancient city of Babylon as one "devoted to materialism and the pursuit of sensual pleasure." Exactly why Hearsay always goes to Velvet Nation, where the girls are pretty, the women are womyn, the queens are boys and the boys are queens, and the men wear nothing but low-riding jeans. Oh, what fun Hearsay had. For the occasion of the Queer as Folk: The Babylon Tour‘s pitstop in D.C., Embrace Productions trucked in actual clutter from that show’s set (but not, unfortunately, the actual stars themselves). RKM befuddled the crowd with its usual unusual animated theatrics, all the while the Showtime banister cages, perched at the edges of the stage, were filled with the usual dancing queens. Hearsay was so upset that none of the dancers thought to wear QAF-style suggestive g-strings that Hearsay strongly suggested that they drop trou, now! Hearsay got a well-received response, and one bloke even reciprocated, helping Hearsay drop trou on the plush sofas above the DJ booth, in that luxurious, velvet-appointed tent that should be, but isn’t, a mainstay at the club. Everything went according to our Webster’s-prescribed "sensual pleasure" plan until Velvet’s self-described "enchanting" hostess Sister "For the Last Time, I’m Not Cookie!" Face forced Hearsay off the couch. Apparently, she needed rest. (Hey, Sistah, ever hear of St. E’s?) DJ Tracy "This Used to Be My Playground" Young turned out a diverse musical assortment of dance-floor delights that got better and better with each passing tune. Hearsay lost more than its thoughts toward the end of the evening, as Top-Of-The-Pops Britpop rocked the speakers (Underworld! Coldplay! Annie Lennox!), and boys frolicked in the tight circle that formed around the giant disco ball contraption, its metal ring of spotlights lowered almost to the ground. The lights weren’t the only things burning up below waist level at that moment. A good number of Babylonians appeared to be Velvet Virgins like Antonio "Shining Star of the Caribbean" De Jesus. "When I heard about Babylon, I knew I had to go," he said, as his friends whisked him away to give him a proper tour. Then Kevin "Let’s Hear It for the (Birthday) Boy" Gray whisked Hearsay away for a proper tour of Velvet’s version of the notorious Babylon backroom. There wasn’t much to see with the naked eye. Later, Hearsay ran into Robert "Capital Pride and Glory" York, who regaled Hearsay with DJ Tracy tales, as he used to live next door to her. Of her spinning, York said, "She’s come a long way." That wasn’t the last time Hearsay heard that phrase that nightÂ…

Saturday begat Sunday, and water begat whine: Hearsay’s getting too old to pull all-nighters. But Eric "Expert on All Things D.C. Nightlife" Muhl guilt-tripped Hearsay into staying up for church, since it’s been years since any of Hearsay’s sins were confessed. God knows it’ll take years to confess them all, but SundayMassDC is the perfect place to get started, and its resident priest, Blaine "Like the Bird" Soileau, is exceedingly reverent. Hearsay’s knees are still sore from the loooong prayers he led us through. As you might gather, they take the sacrilege seriously at this after-hours event, held every early-Sunday morning at the intimate, welcoming-of-all-faiths club Five. DJ Wendy "Lovely P-Town Lady" Hunt, who rolled out boy after boy after buoyant vocal track. Holy-roller boys streamed in by the hundreds as the cold, rainy night turned into a cold, rainy day. The focal point is a giant cross of white lights, above the sacristy, or what non-believers might call the DJ booth. The bar is lined by John WatersPecker-style "full-of-grace" candle glasses decorated with images of the Spanish saints: San Juan Diego, San Jose, San Francisco, Sans Gina, Tina and Mary. Lots of MarysÂ…

Hearsay congratulates Karen "Belts and Saddles" Bettis, winner of the inaugural Remington’s DC Idol Competition last Sunday, May 18. Karen beat out fifteen other contenders — no idol threat they — for a $1,000 Cash Grand Prize, with her rousing rendition of the Gladys Knight standard, "Neither One of Us Wants to be the First to Say Goodbye." Certainly, the ecstatic crowd didn’t want to say goodbye to KarenÂ…


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