POP QUIZÂ… In 2003, sunlight began to shine on the beleaguered music industry, the brightest light emitting from Apple’s iTunes. The legal, pay-per-download music service has been an unqualified success. (This time next year, iTunes may be losing out to an ever-growing field of competitors, but not as of yet.) Beyonce and Justin Timberlake were the most popular artists of the year, but Madonna had a hold on this column. Despite dreadful sales of American Life (Maverick) and very little chart action of any kind, Madonna was cited in nine different columns. Beyonce, by contrast, only scored three, and Justin, four. And while we thought we talked about them to death, t.A.T.u. only racked up six mentions, or the same amount as — okay, this is getting embarrassing — P. Diddy. And dammit if we’re not likely to hear from the do-wa-Diddy next year, since he’s just announced plans to make his Broadway debut, in the original Sidney Poitier role of A Raisin in the Sun.
Until then, here’s a short quiz to test how "Crazy in Love" with music you were this year. The correct answers spell out the name of our nominee for Dance Music Artist of 2003.
1. Which American Idol‘s 15 minutes of fame are already o-vah?
S. Clay Aiken
T. Justin Guarini
U. Kelly Preston
V. Ruben Studdard
2. This year the Supreme Court rejected an appeal from a plaintiff who filed suit against a media organization. What were the details at issue?
H. Mattel sued MCA Records over Aqua’s 1997 unauthorized hit "Barbie Girl."
I. A 54-year-old professor sued Fox’s American Idol for age discrimination.
J. Hip-hoppers Arrested Development sued Fox-TV for using its name for a series.
K. Michael Jackson sued the Los Angeles Times over accusations of molestation.
3. What song lyrics are serving as inspiration for a screenplay?
A. I’m into having sex, I ain’t into making love ("In Da Club")
B. I get sprung and I don’t care who sees ("Crazy in Love")
C. Shake it like a Polaroid picture ("Hey Ya")
D. I’m not religious but it makes me wanna pray ("Nothing Fails")
E. He was a boy, she was a girl, can I make it anymore obvious ("Sk8r Boi")
4. "[Chrysler] wanted to show that music equals love. That’s who _______ is and what she stands for."
S. Celine Dion
U. Jessica Simpson
V. Britney Spears
5. What happened to the promised X-rated country album from retired porn star Jeff Stryker?
A. He developed blue balls (Porn-speak for: his label dropped him).
B. He refused to bottom (Porn-speak for: he quit, objecting to his label’s demands).
C. He couldn’t get it up (Porn-speak for: he’s still working on it).
D. He prematurely ejaculated (Porn-speak: for he lost interest).
6. Who DIDN’T attempt a comeback in 2003?
T. The Bangles
U. Duran Duran
V. Siedah Garrett
W. Michael Jackson
X. Sir Mix-A-Lot
7. And who ISN’T on track to try for a comeback in 2004?
K. The Cure
L. Duran Duran
N. Kylie Minogue
O. Tears for Fears
8. Which pair DIDN’T kiss each another this year?
E. Madonna and Christina Aguilera
F. Beyonce and Kelis
G. Pink and Kristina Loken
H. Lena Katina and Julia Volkova of t.A.T.u.
I. Madonna and Britney Spears
9. Which DJ duo will we never hear from again?
Q. Abercrombie & Fitch
S. Gabriel & Dresden
10. Who DIDN’T appear on Broadway or Off-Broadway this year?
L. Toni Braxton (Aida)
M. Angie Stone (Chicago)
N. Queer Eye’s Jai Rodriguez (Zanna Don’t!)
O. Mya (Chicago)
P. Back Street Boy Kevin Richardson (Chicago)
11. What music group is the most likely to never return to recording?
G. Depeche Mode
H. Destiny’s Child
Answers: 1. T 2. H. 3. E 4. S 5. C 6. U 7. M 8. F 9. R 10. O 11. G