Metro Weekly

Horoscope

May 29-June 4, 2008

Heavenly Round-Up: In myths, Power usually chases and seduces Beauty. This time there’s some role reversal. Do what it takes to land Prince Charming. Go where you must, and undertake the difficult with a will and the impossible with good cheer. This isn’t just New Age gobbledygook. At this time and place, those are your best offensive weapons. If you can’t whistle while you work, try hand-jive on your lunch breaks, take a spoonful of sugar and get on with making the most of your life.

Aries: Busy is one solution to your present dilemma of too much energy and no means of spending it on the purpose for which you created it. Double check your math assumptions, pat down your pockets — twice. Insist on others repeating back the verbals. It’ll save time.

Taurus: You weren’t going to go there in the first place, but someone’s playing hard ball — and you’re not in the mood to back down. What’s at stake is your own package of values and sentiments. You don’t have to justify these choices. Do you need another point of egress?

Gemini: It’s confusing to have so many competing goals and so many irons in the fire and so many people jostling for your attention. When are you going to get any sleep? Hold onto your happy thought and leave extra time for patching miscommunications on Monday. Go forth!

Cancer: You could wait out the hustle and bustle from the safety of your traveling home. You could hide under the covers and find the solution in a dream you might not otherwise have experienced. There’s serendipity in the air, but you’ll have to be brave and let it take over.

Leo: It’s not what you want, when you wanted it. Those are facts. But there’s something here for you which you might never have found but for all this four-door-farce confusion. Let the silly times roll and you’ll be all the brighter for exposing yourself to utter nonsense.

Virgo: Are you lucky? Not in any straightforward meaning, no. But who can deny you land on your feet, time and again. It might be at the eleventh hour (not inappropriate considering your penchant for procrastination), but your bacon will be pulled from the fire just in time.

Libra: It is the cause gripping you so tightly. You can make it. You can satisfy your honor and still have the focus to dot your eyes and cross your tees. But you’re going to have to start early, go carefully and manage to render good deeds along the way. Wear shining armor.

Zodiac table
Zodiac Calendar

CAPRICORN
Dec 22-Jan 20

AQUARIUS
Jan 21-Feb 19

PISCES
Feb 20-Mar 20

ARIES
Mar 21-Apr 20

TAURUS
Apr 21-May 21

GEMINI
May 22-Jun 21

CANCER
Jun 22-Jul 22

LEO
Jul 23-Aug 23

VIRGO
Aug 24-Sep 22

LIBRA
Sep 23-Oct 23

SCORPIO
Oct 24-Nov 22

SAGITTARIUS
Nov 23-Dec 21

Scorpio: Simplicity might be the obvious solution. The one staring you in the face like you’re in an arm-wrestling contest. But you don’t care for the obvious, and you’re not likely to fall prey to such a foolish concept. Could you trick yourself into doing something straightforward?

Sagittarius: So you feel like you know which end is up, which side your bread is buttered on and who’s got the jam. Good for you. But I would review core assumptions before I went much further. You’d be surprised what you can learn by asking instead of telling. Be light.

Capricorn: The change of pace and location has you all a-fluster. You’re working out how to find your new rhythms and your best strategies from a different view point altogether. Don’t sweat the adaptation: soak in it instead. You’ll find what you didn’t know was lost Saturday.

Aquarius: Beliefs are made to be challenged. Life is made to be a challenge. Think yourself out of the box by starting from nowhere and using nothing familiar from your tool-kit. This mental makeover will serve you in the interesting month to come. Redecorate with stripes.

Pisces: You’re a-goggle and a-giggle. It’s like being 8 all over again. Is it a crush? A rivalry? An ambition, yet unformed? You don’t know and you’re not telling. Enjoy the fab endorphins coursing through your system. Get lots done while staring vacantly. Date Libra.

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Horoscope

May 21-27, 2008

Heavenly Round-Up: This is a good time to clear up any misunderstandings, before they get deeper. It’s time to educate yourself so that you don’t carry misconceptions further. It’s time to pour yourself a venti at the coffee bar of reality and drink deeply. Get both feet firmly grounded and you’ll enjoy the spectacle to come more than if you got carried away and didn’t know what was real and what was illusion. You’ve got the focus to see through disguises. Will you use your powers for good?

Aries: Looking is free. It’s all the other stuff you can imagine that will get you into trouble. Is that what you want? If you don’t feel up to enumerating the consequences of your rashness, find a Capricorn crony to assist you. Walk on the wild side: Wear paisley and stripes together.

Taurus: It’s not a bird or a plane, but it’s hanging over your head like the sword of Damocles. Don’t rush into anything. There’s more information coming to light all the time, and some of it is actually germane to your concerns. Give yourself a pat on the back for your discernment.

Gemini: You want it all, and chances are you could engage in the juggling that would allow you to have your cake and eat it too. But will you have the timing to jump in and grab for what you want? The choice is yours, but it is a choice and there may be no consolation prize.

Cancer: You’ve been super-sizing your orders of reality lately. It’s put you in a rough mood and given you a bleak outlook. Check over your shoulder, and you may find that you’ve gotten further than you’d hoped. And you may see that you’ve covered some cool terrain.

Leo: Get back to nature and you’ll find yourself rejuvenated in ways you’d deemed impossible only weeks ago. You can rebuild yourself and become practically bionic, but you have to let go of the attempts you made that weren’t successful. Learn from your mistakes on Friday.

Virgo: The winds of change are dancing on the treetops, more a desultory breeze than any stronger force. It’s not often that you have a choice to become, or to stay as you are. There are advantages to both sides of the issue. But change, and our bodies, is organic. Now what?

Libra: Look as far and as hard as you can. You have options — some that are unthinkable, some that were unthinkable. Adapt your perspective without diluting your ethics and you’ll do just fine with all the new connections you might make. Wear blue to set a tone and soothe.

Zodiac table
Zodiac Calendar

CAPRICORN
Dec 22-Jan 20

AQUARIUS
Jan 21-Feb 19

PISCES
Feb 20-Mar 20

ARIES
Mar 21-Apr 20

TAURUS
Apr 21-May 21

GEMINI
May 22-Jun 21

CANCER
Jun 22-Jul 22

LEO
Jul 23-Aug 23

VIRGO
Aug 24-Sep 22

LIBRA
Sep 23-Oct 23

SCORPIO
Oct 24-Nov 22

SAGITTARIUS
Nov 23-Dec 21

Scorpio: It’s the lotus that blooms and scents the night air so dramatically. It does so from muddy, fetid waters. Be like the lotus and show the world your best side, drawing on your environment to surprise others with the richness that comes unexpectedly in these times.

Sagittarius: You used to be lucky. It’s not that your luck has run out. Instead, you’ve changed and so has the nature of your good fortune. It’ll be more hard work for you to come out on top. It’ll mean staying focused and committed to get from here to there. You have the chops.

Capricorn: You could go with the flow, but that would go against the grain of your nature. Try something else. Try to become a seine, and let the times flow through you as you extract all that seems useful and some things that merely intrigue. You have the luck on Thursday.

Aquarius: Let your mind scroll back a ways. The answer to the dilemma of today is right there, buried in your own cache of RAM. You don’t need a new motherboard. You need the gunk cleared out of the one you have. Consider meditation or running to free your head up.

Pisces: You could have been a contender. You still are in every book, except your own. Have you given up entirely? An unexpected change in direction midweek could hold the seeds of the future. It’s up to you to decide if you’re settling or merely settling down. Wear a smile.

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These are challenging times for news organizations. And yet it’s crucial we stay active and provide vital resources and information to both our local readers and the world. So won’t you please take a moment and consider supporting Metro Weekly with a membership? For as little as $5 a month, you can help ensure Metro Weekly magazine and MetroWeekly.com remain free, viable resources as we provide the best, most diverse, culturally-resonant LGBTQ coverage in both the D.C. region and around the world. Memberships come with exclusive perks and discounts, your own personal digital delivery of each week’s magazine (and an archive), access to our Member's Lounge when it launches this fall, and exclusive members-only items like Metro Weekly Membership Mugs and Tote Bags! Check out all our membership levels here and please join us today!

Horoscope

May 15-21, 2008

Heavenly Round-Up: It’s not the heat, it’s the generally conductive atmosphere brought on by so much moisture. That’s some of what’s going on, of course. But wait! There’s more! There’s also an obstacle course for the egos involved. And the judging panel may not be issuing flak jackets to spectators. Think about choosing to be a participant. Since you can’t be a by-stander, you may as well be in for a pound and not just a penny. Make your wishes known, clearly. Wear your heart on your sleeve.

Aries: Hindsight offers many advantages. But you’ve never been one to brood about what’s past — right? Okay, maybe you haven’t had the easiest time letting go of some of those Pyrrhic victories at the Waterloo of your soul. Could now be the time to release and move on? Maybe.

Taurus: Persisting in the face of so many difficulties might be noble. It might also be bull-headed in the extreme. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt, and allow yourself to back away slowly from this latest mega-commitment. You can if you want, but you don’t have to.

Gemini: You’ve seen it all, or so you thought until just recently. You’re now almost ready to be amazed, let alone entertained. All the world can be your Vegas, but you’ll have to morph your way into an attitude and ethos you can live with if you’re going to be such a player.

Cancer: Once upon a time you were going to live happily ever after. But the princess turned into a witch and when you kissed him, the prince became a frog. That’s okay. They’ll get back to their original form as soon as you can remember the magic word. What a fun challenge!

Leo: It isn’t about you, but you can’t seem to get out of the way of the juggernaut headed in your direction. Funny how the wrong thing can highlight the right one so poignantly, isn’t it? Give yourself permission to succeed, and give others the support they need to do the same.

Virgo: It’s idyllic, but not peerless, in its perfection. Will you settle for a quick fix? Will you hold out for the perfect solution? Will you search endlessly through the world for one honest person? Set better boundaries at work to get more from your life at home. Ask a Capricorn.

Libra: Time plods on inexorably. It’s amazing how something so regular can appear to be in total flux. Get in touch with your impatience. Acknowledge it. Then move on and move out. You have things to do and worlds to conquer and save. Don’t wait too long for the ideal.

Zodiac table
Zodiac Calendar

CAPRICORN
Dec 22-Jan 20

AQUARIUS
Jan 21-Feb 19

PISCES
Feb 20-Mar 20

ARIES
Mar 21-Apr 20

TAURUS
Apr 21-May 21

GEMINI
May 22-Jun 21

CANCER
Jun 22-Jul 22

LEO
Jul 23-Aug 23

VIRGO
Aug 24-Sep 22

LIBRA
Sep 23-Oct 23

SCORPIO
Oct 24-Nov 22

SAGITTARIUS
Nov 23-Dec 21

Scorpio: You’ve been there and done that. Now that you’re retired and writing your memoirs, is there anything else you’d like to add to your pile of experiences before you lose your tone and your nerve? Make a choice you can live with and get on to the next important thing.

Sagittarius: Why can’t it be simple? Are you cursed with a life of intensity and complexity? Is it a gift, but one you’ve failed to recognize? Can you be certain either way? Take the rough with the smooth, but focus on those things you can do–and don’t delay. There’s a timer!

Capricorn: Names may never hurt you, but it could take a lot of mental defensiveness to keep you in an intact position. You can do this. You can get through this. You can overcome, and you can look good doing it. And you can make any number of people eat their words to boot.

Aquarius: You used to believe in the best of all possible worlds. You used to trust in friendly aliens. Now you sleep with your orgone deflector on, and use your mirrored spectacles to see around corners. Precautions are all good. You’d need fewer if you could focus on your fears.

Pisces: Temptation wears a lot of disguises. You’ve made a few vows and even more field observations. You have a good idea of what to avoid and how. Will you be able to enlist the aid of your nearest and dearest to support you as you get through this difficult time intact?

Support Metro Weekly’s Journalism

These are challenging times for news organizations. And yet it’s crucial we stay active and provide vital resources and information to both our local readers and the world. So won’t you please take a moment and consider supporting Metro Weekly with a membership? For as little as $5 a month, you can help ensure Metro Weekly magazine and MetroWeekly.com remain free, viable resources as we provide the best, most diverse, culturally-resonant LGBTQ coverage in both the D.C. region and around the world. Memberships come with exclusive perks and discounts, your own personal digital delivery of each week’s magazine (and an archive), access to our Member's Lounge when it launches this fall, and exclusive members-only items like Metro Weekly Membership Mugs and Tote Bags! Check out all our membership levels here and please join us today!

Horoscope

May 8-14, 2009

Heavenly Round-Up: It was darkest before the dawn, but the light has spread like honey on warm toast. It’s time to forget how grim things have been and to celebrate how much better they’ll be from here on out. It’s time to roll in sensual stimulation. It’s time to get real, and to spend more time in face-time and real-time situations. Let spring surge through your blood and drown out the empty longings of winter. Fill yourself with reality. You’ll find it’s less fattening than you’d been warned.

Aries: You’re not wrong to take action. But you may not have decided on the right order for the actions you’re intent on taking. Go back over your plan. Make a plan, if need be. Use your strategic mind–borrow the gifts of another if you’re not certain of your analyses. Play hard.

Taurus: Use your listening skills to get to the bottom of the brouhaha. It’s not as tough as it might seem. You have the abilities you need to lead armies if necessary. Certainly you can take care of one little domestic concern. Bring patience to the table, and share it with others.

Gemini: You’re not the first one to come to such a decision. You won’t be the last. You have history to draw from and the anecdotes of your cronies too. You’re dragging your feet, but that’s not a surprise. You’re rightfully concerned about the parts you don’t control. Think.

Cancer: If it were easier, it wouldn’t call to you as it does. You prefer the challenge. You prefer the danger. You prefer to immerse yourself in something so demanding in order to forget yourself. Is this the French Foreign Legion of the mind? Is there a safe memory here?

Leo: Call on your heroes. Call on your ancestors. Call on your peers. Whatever you do, don’t try this alone. It’s not that you couldn’t, it’s that you don’t have to. You have a crack support team. Use them to the top of your bent. Find the big picture, and abstract it to your benefit.

Virgo: There’s power in naming things. You can give names to what you want to remember and erase names from what you want to forget. By renaming, you can change the balance of power, perceived and real alike. Are you ready to create your successful version of reality?

Libra: When and where and how are less important than the ‘who’ of the matter at hand. Drop the non-essentials in order to focus on the core. Family-of-origin material calls out like fatal sirens from the rocks of self-doubt. Stuff cotton in your ears, and keep moving forward.

Zodiac table
Zodiac Calendar

CAPRICORN
Dec 22-Jan 20

AQUARIUS
Jan 21-Feb 19

PISCES
Feb 20-Mar 20

ARIES
Mar 21-Apr 20

TAURUS
Apr 21-May 21

GEMINI
May 22-Jun 21

CANCER
Jun 22-Jul 22

LEO
Jul 23-Aug 23

VIRGO
Aug 24-Sep 22

LIBRA
Sep 23-Oct 23

SCORPIO
Oct 24-Nov 22

SAGITTARIUS
Nov 23-Dec 21

Scorpio: Felicity wears many faces. Some are easier to parse than others. If you don’t expect help, you won’t notice when there’s aid abounding. So reposition yourself to expect and to accept any aid coming your way. Unlikely sources will be likeliest this silly cycle. Wear pink.

Sagittarius: It’s not easy for you to step back and let someone else take the spotlight. But it’s not your turn to run this part of the show. Let another take charge and take credit. You’re saving up to call in all your favors further down the line. And you want this one to owe you.

Capricorn: The greatness incubating inside you gets another reprieve. You don’t have to reveal your essential nature just yet, if you’re not convinced of the timing. You have more on your side than you’ve yet recognized, but the truth can’t be hurried. Rest hard on Friday.

Aquarius: It’s not so much a matter of what you want as it is a matter of what you can’t avoid any more. You’ve put off taking care of this part of the business because it makes you more than a little nervous. OK. Accept your nerves, accept advice, accept assistance Sunday.

Pisces: It’s more than a walk on the wild side. It’s more like an extended anthropological expedition into the heart of weirdness. And who better to lead this unusual fact finding mission than your own intrepid self? Pack light. Pack for adventure. Pack the unexpected.

Support Metro Weekly’s Journalism

These are challenging times for news organizations. And yet it’s crucial we stay active and provide vital resources and information to both our local readers and the world. So won’t you please take a moment and consider supporting Metro Weekly with a membership? For as little as $5 a month, you can help ensure Metro Weekly magazine and MetroWeekly.com remain free, viable resources as we provide the best, most diverse, culturally-resonant LGBTQ coverage in both the D.C. region and around the world. Memberships come with exclusive perks and discounts, your own personal digital delivery of each week’s magazine (and an archive), access to our Member's Lounge when it launches this fall, and exclusive members-only items like Metro Weekly Membership Mugs and Tote Bags! Check out all our membership levels here and please join us today!