- Featured Partners
Heavenly Round-Up: Funny how things slow down in the heat. Funny how things de-motivate when the cat’s away. Funny how even when things are getting materially better, the impetus to moan doesn’t lighten up. It’s that time of the year, the month, the week and the day. You could attempt to rise above the longstanding pettiness that’s going around. Or you could wallow in it. You could make an effort to elevate your fellow beings, or you could ignore their condition. You could still go for the gold.
Aries: You’re behind on all those fussy details which add up to a life well managed. You’re in arrears on paying attention to your daily needs and the effort required to meet them. You’re ready to default on living happily ever after, though you dislike the implications. Be a hero.
Taurus: Is it your problem? Not really, but you’re still holding the bag — in a sense. Is it your fault? No, but someone needs to clean up the hideous mess. Is it your obligation? Nope. Yet you care enough about the situation and the outcome you might wish to invest in a solution.
Gemini: You are as you have been, and that’s your official position. Yet deep within you there’s been a shift in the tectonic mass which is your soul. The question being: How long can you keep the lid on your deep evolutionary process? And how long can you hide it from yourself?
Cancer: You have looked into the abyss, and saw yourself smiling back. Smiling? What have you got to smile about? Your life is nothing like it was (not that you liked the old life). Your hopes and dreams are nothing like they were (not that you wanted them). Re-envision everything.
Leo: You’re still a contender. You still have a chance. Heck, you still have a choice. You may have to exert yourself to exercise your options, but isn’t that better than standing around fussing pointlessly? It might be best if you found someone with a spare shoulder.
Virgo: Time and tide are on their usual schedule. You could still make the boat, but you’ll have to become differently organized to do so. What will you leave behind? What will you throw overboard once you’re in actual process? Who will you meet unexpectedly? Ask.
Libra: Destiny wears many faces. Right now, this knowledge is worthwhile only whilst you remember it. If you can’t believe in the big picture, you may be dooming yourself to treading the mire of minutiae and disgust. Can you give yourself a second chance at success?
Scorpio: Should sins of omission count for more, less or about the same as sins of commission? What are you, a theologian? Better you should count the angels dancing on the head of your pin, and remember all the good points in your life and the lives of those around you.
Sagittarius: You aren’t doomed. You aren’t damned. You aren’t fated. At least, not anymore than you allow yourself to be. If you want to be led through life on a string twisting through the labyrinth of existence, so be it. What happened to the free-spirited self you were?
Capricorn: Contumely is a bitter pill. Derision is one more bitter still. Contempt is the very dregs of the apothecary’s mortar. Why stand for it? Have you earned it? Can you fight it? Is the effort best accomplished within you, or on the outside? Think hard before answering.
Aquarius: Take yourself on a magic carpet ride, back to your roots, back to the place you came from and the place to which you will return when your time here is over. What can you learn from your values and your past? What can you share with others to help them?
Pisces: When the going gets intense, the intense take a break to regain their perspective, right? It’s the responsible thing to do — responsible to your selfhood and your soul. So curl within and breathe slowly. There’ll be time for everything—in its season. Wear chiffon.
Heavenly Round-Up: You want to charge forward without hesitation. But first, you have to make sure you’re properly accessorized. You want to work through the obstacle and get it off your plate; but you’re distracted by the bird singing outside your window. You want to call it a day; but first you have the last million things on your do-list. This is the way of the world at present. But you’re good enough, you’re smart enough and, gosh darn it, people like you. They really like you.
Aries: The secret is to concentrate on what you want to make you feel like the most-est, whilst simultaneously looking after the details with fanatical rigor. Is it fun? Only in the sense that you get a chance to see how much you can do with what you’ve got. Go there.
Taurus: You’re the one they turn to when it gets scarily overwhelming. You’re the rock to which they cling when they’re at the end of their rope. You’re the voice of common sense when all about you are imitating headless chickens. How do you get yours? Ask early.
Gemini: You’re not lazy: you’re differently productive. You’re not scatterbrained, you’re in extreme multi-tasking mode. You’re not disorganized, you’re using natural attrition tactics to figure out what to do next. It can be so, if you’ll only apply yourself thoroughly.
Cancer: You are home now. Look around you. What works? What needs doing? What needs fixing? What needs a heavy reorg? You get to choose. Apply this series of questions to your inner development as well as your external world. You’ll have news on Sunday.
Leo: This could be your time to shine. If only you weren’t so run down. If only you weren’t plagued by bad dreams. If only you could get your head back around the bigness of the Big Picture. You can’t see the forest for the trees anymore. Take a long, deep breath.
Virgo: It isn’t up to you, but you’ll find yourself with lots to do and say, nonetheless. It isn’t in your face, but that won’t stop you from being helpful. It isn’t your usual methodology, but suddenly you’re up for anything. Keep that free spirit while solving new problems.
Libra: You need to stop looking over your shoulder. You need to forget about second guessing yourself. You need to find someone who can give you a really good, consistent haircut. Really. So get with the brand, new program and let the rubber meet the road.
Scorpio: If you were a small, necessary item, how would you be found? If you were a flower of surpassing medicinal value, where would you grow? If you were the most valuable asset in a diversified portfolio, what would your growth potential be? Reconsider.
Sagittarius: When you wish upon a star, you’re putting your desires into concrete form. When you poor-mouth the guy across the hall from you, you’re digging yourself a pit full of bad karma. When you realize the vital necessity of understanding this, you’ll wise up.
Capricorn: You’re in the mood for love: the love of a good fight. You’re in the path of danger: the danger of finding out who you really are and what it would take to get you all the way there. You’re in peak form: the form of being ready for liberation into a new self.
Aquarius: If you ruled the world and could make all the choices for everyone, would you be benevolent—or would you quickly become power crazed? It’s hard to know what might happen if absolutes came true. Usually they don’t, but this might be an exception to the rule.
Pisces: OK. You have what it takes. You know where to go. You’re ready for action. So let the little things go and settle in for the ride of a lifetime. You may not comprehend all that has to be left behind to get where you’re going, but the first cut should be deep.
Heavenly Round-Up: Nothing is on fire, under fire, or going to be fired. Not in the sense you’ve imagined. Now you’ll want to calm down, reassess and learn to pick your battles with strategy coming before tactics, rather than vice versa. If you can do that, you’ll be ready to reconnect with your allies and reinforce your commonality with those around you. Everybody has been feeling the anomie; become a leader in the rush to the new paradigm. You have one more option that you need to consider.
Aries: If you were as good at listening as you are at making yourself heard, you’d be an irresistible force. As it is, you’ll want to brush up on the receptive part of your communication skills. You’ll also want to figure out how to go see a man about a dog. Wear a smile.
Taurus: If you were other than you are you wouldn’t be where you are now, or on the path you’re so determined to tread out. Don’t wish for too much to change away from your current circumstances. Don’t try too hard to become other than you’ve been.
Gemini: It’s a battle, but you’re an observer. Do you want to get into the thick of the fray? Do you want to put yourself at risk in order to test your mettle? Or are you only bored? Think it through before you commit to a course of action. Ask a Capricorn for news.
Cancer: You’re under tremendous pressure. How much of it is external? How much of it is self-generated? Learn to recognize the difference in the roots of your concerns. Learn to share what you need and to take what’s being offered in return. Call again Saturday.
Leo: Blessed are the proud, for they shall hold their heads up under trying conditions. Blessed are the self-involved, for they shall not have self-esteem issues. Blessed are the stubborn, for they shall be competent to hold their course—even under duress. Stand tall.
Virgo: Look yourself in the eye and admit that you aren’t entirely certain how you ended up where you are at this very minute. Now look around you. Is this what you want? Is this what you can deal with? Is this what you can put up with? Should you have to?
Libra: Time and tide are on your side, but you can’t put off the icky decisions forever. Instead, you may wish to confront what’s on your plate and give it your full attention – for predetermined lengths of time spaced out over several days or weeks. Yes, you can!
Scorpio: It’s not the heat in the kitchen of life that’s got you all verklempt. It’s the ambient noise of all the industrial machinery of the inner workings of your soul. When did it start taking so much to make it through the cycles? Is this the most efficient you can be?
Sagittarius: You’re ready to fight the good fight. All you need now is an adequate dragon or two. Have you looked under your bed? In your closet? Behind the door? There may be issues just dying for you to come at them with all your fluid resourcefulness? Look again.
Capricorn: You are the best thing that’s ever happened to you. You need to take some time to recognize your virtues, and learn to applaud yourself whenever you meet or beat your own expectations. Don’t be afraid to honor your successes, however slow they may be.
Aquarius: You’re so relieved it’s not going to come down on you this time, and with reason. But you could still play an active role in assisting those who are under the gun this cycle. You have so much to offer, but you might wish to find a more worthy recipient.
Pisces: Don’t let anyone lay the blame on you. You weren’t the principal. You weren’t the mastermind. And you weren’t even there. That said, it might behoove you to behave in a manner more open to correct interpretation. Come up for air on Sunday.
Heavenly Round-Up: In a world of subtle, parabolic arches, everything that rises must converge. This much is true. But what does it mean in mundane application? What goes up must come down, but not in exactly the same place. Things going up tend to move more closely together, whereas those coming down necessarily spread apart. Think about your personal trajectory. Are you on an upward arc, or downward recovery? What about friends? Family members? Co-workers? Lovers? Pets? Relative position matters in the great work before you.
Aries: Entropy is not your fault. You are not to blame for things falling apart and failing in their processes. But attitude is everything here. You have enormous personal power at present. Be very, very careful of what you wish for…you may get it in spades. Regroup.
Taurus: You don’t need your hand held, but it would help if you were sleeping better. You don’t need an extension, but you could wish the other members of your team were better organized. You aren’t worried about your past catching up with you. Right?
Gemini: Will it be the devil, or the deep blue sea? Are the horns of that dilemma as entertaining as they look? What else can fit in that cleft between the rock and the hard place? You will soon know the answers to these questions and more. Choose carefully on Wednesday.
Cancer: Continuity matters. It’s not your strong suit just at present, but you need to connect backward through your past and forward to your future. You’ll hold the line of moderate tension in the present, and if this is done well you’ll have your heart’s desire.
Leo: You didn’t know you’d have to rethink your ethical assumptions when you got into this. You hadn’t understood the toll it might take on your relationship. You’re still surprised by the number of unexpected monkey wrenches each event can hold. Breathe.
Virgo: You’ve been under the hammer for long enough. You’ve been biting the bullet, and you’re tired of having a mouthful of lead. At last, you’re reaching a point of closure. The undue burdens and stressful revelations will slack off to reveal a new you!
Libra: It’s your skin, you have to live in it. The crossroads at which you stand offers many possibilities, and all are fraught with uncertainty. It’s okay not to know in advance. It’s okay not to be fully informed when choosing. It’s not okay to flake out and let it all slip.
Scorpio: Your community has come through in ways you would never have predicted. Other parts of your connectivity have frayed and split and wholly come apart, on seam and off. Now is the time to see if it’s worth your while to knit up the raveled sleeve of care.
Sagittarius: Peace in your time may be possible, but probably not with honor. You are called to continue to fight the good fight and to do so in good faith and without guarantees. In return, you’re entitled to hold your head up and make good eye-contact at will.
Capricorn: Morphology is destiny in some books. Will you allow yours to carry you downstream to an inevitable conclusion? Or will you leap like the salmon in the opposite direction, and still fulfill the fate written in your blood? Choose with freedom in mind on Saturday.
Aquarius: You enjoy a paradox. You can work with a conundrum. You’re adept at making sense of the impossible. But you don’t have much of a threshold for boredom. It might be better if you just took your personal days and used them up soon!
Pisces: Is it a curse or a blessing? Can it be both at once? Can they succeed one another in the paradigm? There’s so much in play and so little known about the real outcomes, as opposed to the projected potentials. You’ll do the right thing on Friday night. Remember.
Heavenly Round-Up: We live in interesting times, and they’re going to get a lot more interesting in the new phase of the cycle that’s just beginning. Since there isn’t a bed big enough for the whole world to hide under and wait out the fracas, take some early advice. Prioritize for what and who and how you love. Bring your self-respect, your faith and your unshakeable beliefs with you. Leave your emotional baggage and materialism behind. Don’t skimp when gathering up your loved ones to form a human raft!
Aries: You’re brave enough. You’re strong enough. And goshdarnit, people look up to you! So get with the program, get out of your tent and get on with making the most of your life. You’ll find you have more useable answers after the dust clears from Sunday. Day of rest?
Taurus: You went once before, and you went with good intentions. But you didn’t get where you’d hoped you might go, and you aren’t anxious to repeat the experience. This time, pack more thoughtfully. This time, bring someone whose company you can stand—no matter what.
Gemini: Is it a rhetorical question if you can’t remember the answer everyone assumes you know when you ask it? This isn’t amnesia, this is pure-D distraction. To get yourself centered, you’ll have to slow down. To focus, you’ll have to narrow your perspective. Get going.
Cancer: Once, you had a dream. Now you have a reality. Once, you allowed yourself to believe in happily-ever-after. Now you know what that can mean under the best of circumstances. Don’t let reality crowd out the joy that took root in your heart. Embrace gently.
Leo: You’re not the only one who can be right. They’re not wrong on account of being on the other side of the table. It’s not an easy conundrum with which to live. But you’re a big person with grand ideals. Now is when you get to try to live up to them. Ask a Capricorn for help.
Virgo: Give till it hurts, then stop and get some physical therapy for your excesses. In fact, give right up to the edge of the line, and then take two steps back. If you can’t learn to hold something in reserve for yourself, life will sideline you — with or without your willing participation.
Libra: You can do what needs to be done. And you can maintain the pace and the tone necessary for far longer than any casual observer might suspect. But you can’t do it without some degree of support, and if possible, some respect from those around you. Be demanding.
Scorpio: You love a good challenge. And you’d rather try doing the impossible and failing than doing what’s easy and coming out ahead. Are you perverse? Oh yeah you are. Is it a good thing? This time, it’s what will get you from here to there in one piece — and sane!
Sagittarius: You went ahead and leaped before you looked. You ignored good advice. You planned without having a fallback position. And it’s all good. Some people need to work without a net in order to feel alive. But you can’t go and complain about it now. Remember.
Capricorn: If you could have only one thing you really, really wanted, what would it be? If you had to give up one person you really, really loved, whom would you throw under the bus? If these choices were silly and pointless, would you be able to admit it and go on?
Aquarius: No, you can’t sleep very well under these conditions. No, it’s not the fault of any one thing or person or situation. Yes, you can find a solution. No, it won’t be as soon as you could wish. Indulge yourself in a forbidden vice as compensation until then.
Pisces: You’re on a roll. You’re on a tear. You’re on a jag and you don’t want to stop. Moreover, you’re not in the least certain that you could. So indulge yourself. Go deep and don’t come up for air very often. You’ll find there’s healing in the excesses that draw you. Ask Friday.
Metro Weekly emails are a great way to stay up-to-date with everything you need to know. Join our 12,000 subscribers and get the best in LGBT news, arts and entertainment reviews, contests, exclusive coverboy and nightlife content, and much, much more delivered directly to your inbox!
Metro Weekly emails are a great way to stay up-to-date with everything you need to know. Join our 12,000 subscribers and get the best in LGBT news, arts and entertainment reviews, contests, exclusive coverboy and nightlife content, and more delivered directly to your inbox!