Metro Weekly

Longhorns

Reel Affirmations 2011

Review by Doug Rule

Rating: starstarstar (3 out of 5)
Friday, 10/21/2011, 7:15 PM
Feature presentation, $12 at Lisner Auditorium

“ALL GUYS GO through phases like this,” the closeted Kevin (Jacob Newton) tries to reassure himself in the sexy gay comedy Longhorns. The phase Kevin is going through is one in which he regularly lends a hand, or even a mouth, to hunky straight friends, all while watching big-boob porn on the VCR.

Yes, a VCR. Longhorns, from writer and director David Lewis (Redwoods) is set in 1980s Texas. More significantly, it’s set on a college campus. At least in that conservative era, college was the place where you were most likely to meet your first openly gay person. Eventually, you may have even come out there yourself.

Kevin is secretly attracted to Cesar, who, by contrast, is so out, he organized a campus-wide ”Wear Blue Jeans If You’re Gay Day.” Kevin is more interested in getting Cesar naked in his dorm room, under the improbable guise of needing to do a nude model sketch for art class. Just as the furtive relationship between the pair starts to get serious and threatens public exposure, Kevin flees for a weekend retreat to clear his head with former childhood guy pals. A bevy of girls who were supposed to join the guys can’t make it, so the horny guys have to fend for themselves.

”I don’t know what it is Kevin, but you bring out my frisky side,” the hot and hunky Steve says as he wears nothing but a strategically placed cowboy hat. In fact, Steve, played by Dylan Vox (a.k.a. Brad Benton, former gay porn actor) is generally always at least half-naked in the film.

With the likes of Vox and pretty boy Kevin Held playing college jock Justin, Longhorns doesn’t need to worry its pretty little head with anything too serious. Nobody’s going to see the film to glean insights into coming out, the gay college experience, what life was like for gays in the ’80s — none of that. The film doesn’t even offer anything insightful about gay love, or even gay sex.

No, Longhorns is nothing more than a light-hearted yet raunchy gay comedy, with gay eye candy galore. And never fear: The few women who appear here, even in two quick straight sex scenes, keep their clothes on. How gay.

 

Longhorns
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Doug Rule covers the arts, theater, music, food, nightlife and culture as contributing editor for Metro Weekly.