Why, lucky-loo, you've got two chances this weekend to see Varla Jean Merman. Who is this mer-man, you ask? Well, she's reportedly the love child of Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman who attended Louisiana State University under the alias -- to protect the innocent! -- Jefferey Roberson. Or is it the other way around? She's also, apparently, anatomically incorrect, and famous for regular summer performances in Provincetown. But she's most famous for her role in the 2003 ultra-indie and small-cult classic film Girls Will Be Girls, a drag send-up of high-camp movies that you know and love, from All About Eve to Mommie Dearest. Merman performs her one-drag-queen stage act Varla Jean Merman Loves a Foreign Tongue Friday night, January 18, at Baltimore's Club Hippo, which for those of you who have never made the pilgrimage, has been the toast of Charm City for 35 years. She will also perform briefly on Sunday afternoon, January 20, at Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend's leather pageant. Perhaps she'll also be whipping around our leather-town by day? Maybe somebody will crack that whip on her duffle bag...