When you work as hard as Amanda “Party Monster” Lepore -- and by work, Hearsay of course means you’ve worked out regularly, been worked over repeatedly -- it’s natural you wanna show off your goods. That she did last Saturday when she made a rare trip outside of New York and headed south, from point A to Be Bar, for co-owner Mike “I Look Best in a Fur Stole and Tighty Whities” Watson’s birthday. From the moment Miss Lepore emerged on stage she had trouble keeping her knockers in her dress. Talk about wardrobe malfunctions! So eventually, she stopped trying to tame her bazoomba-woombas. She eventually sang about her most treasured possession: Her vagina, though she had another word for it. “My pussy is expensive," and so it would seem to be. At one point, Hearsay, which generally eschews such things, tawt it taw a pussytat! It tried to feed it some Pownce Treats, but steered clear when it noticed the size of Sylvester's teeth. Truth is, Hearsay has always been more comfortable around penile-bearers, so it hung out instead with Sasha “Brut” Rejvani and Allen “Rosé” Reams and Tony “Truth Serum” Johnson and Kevin “Only Takes One” Steele and John “That’s What She Said” Anderson, all of whom sport the male member that Hearsay adores so much, it wrote its own song, which goes something like this: "My Penis Has a First Name..."

Hearsay didn’t get a chance to see what “Mike’s Favorite Things” were, which he was giving out all the night. There was just too much else going on. Hearsay almost didn’t catch Lepore’s performance to begin with, since it happened well before midnight. What kind of creature of the night performs before the stroke of 12? Not Hearsay! And apparently not many, many others, including Scott “Full of Life” Johnson, who was crushed when Hearsay broke the news that he came too late. Which is better than coming too early, but that's another story altogether....