June 2009 Archives

Happy Pride, Hon...

Posted by Hearsay
June 25, 2009 9:46 PM |

All this time Hearsay thought it was a professional drunk. But one night’s whirl around Baltimore set it straight. Those gays in Bal'mer sure know how to drink! Hearsay got pushed repeatedly in the crowd at Baltimore Pride’s Block Party last Saturday evening, and then got sprayed with beer on the dance floor at Club Hippo. One patron apparently mistook her bottle of booze for a glow stick, and just started flinging it around to the dirty beats of DJ Tracy “Gaga Lady” Young. Why, wasting beer like that is alcohol abuse, plain and simple.

Beyond the occasional bump and wet backside – par for Hearsay’s course, of course – Hearsay sure did have a charming time in Charm City. Dale “Hot N Cold” Janni and Tracy “Garden Guardian” Noell played wonderful hosts, escorting Hearsay around the Mount Vernon gayborhood. Hearsay had as good a time as ever dancing at the Hippo, which, per-Pride custom, was pretty much taken over by D.C. Screens around the club early on projected the message “DC in the House,” which someone had sent to the club’s text message number. Hearsay was happy to see, to name a not-quite-random few: Michael “Quality over Quantity” Scott, Paul “Storyteller” Drebs, Shane “My Life Would Suck Without You” Maye, and of course Sanj “Bark for Your Love” Grewal and Brad “Sing for Your Supper” Ward, who are actually getting hitched this weekend in Grewal’s native Toronto. Next time you see them out and about, be sure to wish them congratulations, eh?

Before Hearsay actually danced with the masses and stumbled into Chuck “Come Party With Me” Bowers’ happy Hippo, it enjoyed hearing Ultra “Love’s The Only Drug” Nate. No, Nate did not actually perform on the Pride mainstage with headliner Amber, as Amber sang their 1998 dance remake of “If You Could Read My Mind.” But the Baltimorean was in town – she actually DJ’ed that evening at a private party at the gayborhood’s anchor restaurant, City Café. The Café’s Bruce “Over Easy” Bodie couldn’t stop raving to Hearsay about her deep-house set, which sure was a savory and sweet treat. And D.C. sure does represent in Bal’mer, to put it mildly: Bodie, it turns out, is a D.C. resident who owns the hip restaurant and coffee shop – and now also a bar/lounge – with his partner of 18 years, Gino “Scrambled” Cardinale. They were celebrating the completion of a dramatic renovation of the 15-year-old space – as well as Cardinale’s fortysomething birthday. Happy birthday, Gino. Nice cupcakes!....

JR.'s will drag you to drink

Posted by Hearsay
June 25, 2009 8:42 AM |
Lady Perruzza.jpg

Contrary to last week's ad in Metro Weekly, you won't find David "Sweet Tart" Perruzza at JR.'s tonight for the bar's Drag Bonanza, when all bartenders and barbacks will serve dressed as the most -- er, um -- beautiful ladies you've ever laid your eyes on. The JR.'s manager takes flight to gay Paree today for a week of petting the poodles of French men. He tells Hearsay he had the European vacation planned before the Drag Bonanza, and that he's really bummed he'll miss seeing his staff dolled up, especially Nic "Burly, Not Surly" Thompson. Hearsay, meanwhile, is giddy at the thought of seeing Mike "You Wanna Piece of Me?" Izeta for once wearing lipstick intentionally. Not to mention nail polish, a wig and a dress -- Perruzza says that's the extent of what staff will wear. "It'll be too hot for full face," he tells Hearsay. Also dressing up for fun, not glamour, will be Isaac "Buns Hun" Rehner, Alex "Beehive" Santos and Serghey "Secret" Z.

But why make them do all the work? You can dress up in drag, too! As long as you put on a wig and lipstick and wear a dress, you can drink free until midnight. Think of it as a different -- really different -- kind of ladies' night. Just don't get too used to it: Perruzza says they plan to do something different one Thursday a month from now on, but the Drag Bonanza will only happen once or twice a year at most...

Hearsay will have its complete report on Pride for you tomorrow -- and not just online, but also in the magazine! Yes, a rare print edition. Exciting, tain't it?

In the meantime, check out this infectious, fabulously fun look at "The 2009 Capital Pride Parade: The Metro Weekly Video" by our own David "Cat Scratch Fever" Uy with assistance from Chip "I'm A Wiener Man" Johnson. You'll be up and dancing to Martha "Raining Men Men Men Men" Wash in no time! Watch for the singing policeman and cameos from the Metro Weekly staff!

Joe Jonas Puts a (Purity) Ring on It

Posted by Hearsay
June 6, 2009 12:24 PM |

Just when Hearsay thought it was done with "Single Ladies," and had seen all the possible spoofs featuring men in tights imitating Beyonce -- after all, it's been 8 months since the song became ubiquitous -- here comes a Jonas Brother to act the fool. "I'm not that kind of girl!" Joe "Please Tweeze My Eyebrows" Jonas lip-synchs -- and the line is one of the few he even bothers to mime, so focused is Josephina on the half-assed wiggling of his hips. If you didn't know any better, you'd swear li'l Joe was drunk.

There are two things Hearsay learned from watching this video:

Joe has powerful big thighs. Why some might even call them mighty.

Joe has the all the grace of an Ipswich Clam, leading Hearsay to definitively claim once and for all that there is no possible way he's one of them there homo-sex-uals. Let's face it, no gay boy -- closeted or out -- dances that clumsily, even on purpose. Joe seems bereft of rhythm, altogether, a hallmark of pure straightness.

The whole shenanigan is all meant as a tease for the Jonas Brothers' forthcoming new album, Adenoidal Whine. And talk about a tease... "Don't click here or Joe will fall down! OMG!" Well, don't click on that teaser text -- Joe doesn't fall down. Rather, the link whisks us to a Kanye "Wild Wild" West video. Several other pop ups do the same thing throughout the video. And just when you thought Mr. West couldn't get any more shameless....

Perfect for that Daddy on your list

Posted by Hearsay
June 6, 2009 9:24 AM |
Hearsay was sifting through its mountain of spammail and noticed this from Amazon:
As Hannibal might say, "Toughens your nipples, eh Senator?"