But wait, there’s more! Royce tells Hearsay the remodel is the “first major remodel since the beginning” of the current incarnation of Cobalt some seven years ago. (And stay tuned for the 7th Anniversary Party in July.) “When it’s all said and done, it’s going to be a whole new club.” But not that new. Still owned by Eric “17th Street Nightlife Governor” Little, Cobalt “will remain what it always has been. It will be different and dramatic, but it’ll still be the same ole, new and improved Cobalt,” Royce jokes. Royce himself is same ole, new and improved: Though he’s been calling most of the shots for a while now, he was just officially promoted to General Manager. Which means he gets to manage the generals.

Up top, at the club end of things, they’ll be upgrading the DJ booth and making other changes to “take it to the next level.” And the bottom? They’re in the early stages of reinstalling a restaurant down there, which should open later in the summer. They haven’t settled on a name much less the menu, though Royce promises diner-style comfort food and late-night dining even on weeknights. Hearsay’s already getting giddy about the prospect of late-night restaurant-hopping in the neighborhood...

Of course, Saturday night there's Blowoff here at our town's celebrated 9:30 Club. And before you hit that, why not hop a few blocks over, to check out two other out rockers perform? Local grappler Tom "Folksy" Goss and inky stud Eric "Rocksy" Himan will strum and sing at Solly's U Street Tavern. Should be a night of a gay indie-music fan's dream...

"Madonna, the world's tastiest sweetheart" begins a recent press release announcing her new Sticky and Sweet Tour. But apparently, the No. 1 Sweet Tart doesn't like the taste of D.C. As with 2006's Confessions Tour, Madonna has pursed her lips at our Verizon Center candy. The Wachovia Center in Philadelphia is yet again the closest she'll come to our sticky city in support of her sweet, new chart-topping album Hard Candy. After stops in Europe, including a Saturday, August 23 debut in Wales -- exactly one week after Madonna turns 50 -- the tour will roll out of the factory in North America Friday, October 3 at New Jersey's Izod Center -- yes, named for the fashion line that put lizards on men's chests decades before Mark "Smoker's Delight" Lee did. (Though his are certainly nicer and bigger beasts.) After stops the following week at New York's Madison Square Garden, the tour will take another month to get to Philadelpia, sweetening Brotherly Loveland Wednesday, November 19, before finally dissolving stateside the next week on Thanksgiving Eve, November 26, in Miami, right in time for the resort's famed White Party.

Tickets go on sale Monday, May 19 for New Jersey and New York, but not until Monday, June 2 for Philadelphia. And never for Washington. Not that Hearsay's sour about it or anything. (Just a little case of the puckers.) According to the release, Citibank cardmembers can access presale tickets beginning Tuesday, May 13 at 10am -- that's next week, folks! Click here for complete tour and ticket information.

If you're looking for a midnight snack tonight, don't bother with milk and chocolate-dusted, sesame-crusted tofu. Instead, get tomorrow's fix today -- that is, Madonna's new sugar-rush of an album, Hard Candy. In conjunction with Warner Brothers and Hot 99.5, Dupont's lovely independent Melody Records is setting up temporary shop at Be Bar tonight so that you can buy the album early. It goes on sale at Be Bar the stroke of midnight. The chic bar is certainly the place to be tonight: The DJ duo BacK2bACk will help all the material girls and gays get into the groove with a special dance party, spinning tunes celebrating the candy-popping diva who knows how to make the burgoisie and the rebel dance together... at least for four minutes at a time.

Is getting an early lick at Hard Candy worth it? Yes, according to Metro Weekly music critic Doug Rule, whose full assessment of the album will appear in this Thursday's edition. Says Rule: "Madonna struts her way through this album with the same appealingly cocksure attitude she had when she started in the business half her life ago. In fact, anyone who ever called himself a fan will likely savor this for a long time to come."

Hearsay is nothing if not fashionably untimely. Which is why it is now filing a report on the Saint At Large's Rites XXIX: The Dangerous Black Party for Boys, the dirtiest Boy Scout camp ever. Hearsay made the rare trip to Manhattan, specifically to the Roseland Ballroom in New York’s theater district. Many thousands of leather and fetish men were getting sprung for spring, which is dirty work, for sure. Among those from D.C. Hearsay spotted getting sexually sullied at the 29th annual Black Party were: Ron “MILF” Brown and his NYC crew, Sean “Perky” Eagler, Keith “Pesky” Iames, Tom “Bumbalicious” Walker and Colin “Tuna and Pretzels” Stewart. Hearsay wasn’t doing too bad itself, thanks to the stiff ones bartender Mark “Rump Shaker” Loque served up. And thanks also to former D.C. resident Don “Page” Turner, who helped Hearsay get in a little bit better shape with a guest pass to the best gay gym this side of I-95, David Barton Gym and Moonbounce. Why, Mr. Barton himself was even at the Chelsea location the Friday night before the party, pumping iron while local DJ Johnny “Energizer” Dynell pumped tunes from his own wheels of steel.

This year’s Black Party occurred the same night as something called the Imperial Court’s Night of a Thousand Gowns, a drag institution in Manhattan. The Village Voice’s Michael “Crassing to Be Clever” Musto said that that rare, simultaneous drag development forced some dresser-uppers to frantically change from one extravagant costume to another: “running home to uncover their facial hair, take off the bra and let the tits hang in a muscle T.” Hearsay didn’t see any signs of mascara residue or unfortunate tuck plucks, but then maybe those weren’t just black eyes or profusely punched pecs as Hearsay had originally thought. The Black Party ain’t for pussies, in any case. This is a dog and pig show. In fact, a figurative pig of the female persuasion was roasted right there on the premises -- in the set built as a campfire just outside a cave at the base of the Matterhorn. There were miners in that cave, and they weren’t just mining for gold. There were rock-climbers too, and they weren’t really climbing rocks. The sight of those hairy, muscle-laden lads -- part of porn-star headliner Francois “Fighting Titan“ Sagat’s posse -- climbing up a net with their backs to the crowd in nothing but white jockstraps? Well, that’s Hearsay’s kind of camp.

The next night, the Miami-based but legendary New York promoter Ric “My Name in Lights” Sena hosted his first Alegria party at the newly refurbished and repurposed Webster Hall, which days earlier the city had dignified a historic landmark. The 120-plus-year East Village haunt oozed character. It oozed thousands of men, too. It was hard to move around the dance floor in the early going, and the brand-new wood floor was a rocking to all the foot-stomping. But soon enough, the boys figured out the layout and got with the flow, and the party became its usual steaming-good time. Hearsay had fun dancing with all the hairy muscle porn stars celebrating the dirty, sexy weekend, especially Jake “Punch Drunk” Deckard and Damien “Detained and Restrained” Crosse. Just before Sena presented DJ Abel with a giant lit birthday cake that Abel blew out before he set the place on fire, Jeanie “Party People Powerhouse” Tracy performed. Woo hoo! Among too many familiar faces, both from D.C. and New York, Hearsay especially enjoyed watching Glanson “Touch The Sky” LaBarrie burn it up. Just two nights before, LaBarrie had packed his friends into the upstairs of U Street’s El Sol Mexican Restaurant for his going-away party. Yes, D.C. has lost another one to the dirty city to the North. LaBarrie packed himself up and moved the very next day....

At least he had a purpose. It’s not every day in April Shayne “Savannah Stole My Mattress!” Gill turns 23. Though, truth be told, he’s turned 23 in April every year for the past decade, maybe more -- once he logged onto the Internet for the first time, he never looked back and lost all track of time! Gill’s hubby Bob “How Did It Happen?” Leidich organized an “Ignunt Bar Crawl” to celebrate the birthday, starting before sunset at Halo, then skipping over to JR.’s, then DIK Bar -- or Windows, depending on your outlook -- then Cobalt, allowing for a couple drinks at each stop. Some 40 of Gill’s heaviest-drinking buddies made the trek, or met up with him along the way, including Brent “Taking One for the Team” Minor, Paul “Sticky and Sweet” Corrie, Steve “Take a Picture” Ewens, Chuck “Any Boy You Like” Ruoff and Brian “On the Move” Alberts. The party ended up at Bob and Shayne’s lovely abode on Riggs Street.

“Liquor in the front, poker in the rear,” Gill said as he greeted his guests. Hearsay didn’t see any poking going on -- at least not while it was there. Though there was entertainment, which was quite entertaining. Did somebody say Secrets is coming back? Somebody sign them up! There were also gallons of liquor. Bob and Shayne had 20 or so bottles out on the back porch -- but over 100 more on the floor in the dining room. Those boys are well-stocked. Next time you run into them, ask about their "Cupcake Splash"....

St. Patrick’s Day is Monday, but why wait till then? Why not make a special weekend out of celebrating the Irish alcoholic? It's a good excuse as any to drink alcohol-laden green fluids. You could almost camp out at Cobalt for the occasion, what with their celebration all weekend long. From $3 Emerald Shooters (and no, that’s not just code for twinks) to $3 green beer, or at least, Guinness, well... that’s a lotta green. In fact, customers are even asked to wear green. But Hearsay hopes to get pinched -- and not in the Dorothy Hamill kind -- so, it’ll wear black instead.

Saturday, you could also tip your hat and hop on your shamrock and head a little bit north, to Rehab, which is throwing a “Go Green, Get Lucky!” party, complete with a green underwear auction!

Or, if you’re feeling really lucky, steer your beer a bit farther north to the city named after a town in Ireland. The “town of the big house," for sure, that’s Ballmer, hon! Club Hippo is also celebrating the drinking Saint two days early, with a green-themed party Saturday night featuring one of Philly’s finest, DJ Stephen Durkin. Yep, he’s a lucky Leprechaun, wouldn’t ya know! And since that club closes early (at 2 a.m., thanks to a not-very-Irish liquor law), you can keep going at the city’s after-hours venue, Club 1722. One of the original gay DJs -- and one of New York’s best and while we’re at it -- Billy “Nice Guy” Carroll will resume his monthly diRTY bEATS party at the club, which he says is "my favorite venue at the moment -- an intimate space, with a ‘who cares what you are or whom you sleep with’ crowd and Twilo-esque sound & lights, complete with nitro blasts throughout the morning.” And there you have it! And then, if you’re still going -- if all that alcohol hours earlier is somehow keeping you flowing -- then let it go at Grand Central for DJ Leni “The Music” K’s morning RISE! party, which goes til 11 a.m.

Once you’ve made it safely back to town and gotten over your Irish hangover, it’ll be time to celebrate the Saint in proper style. On his actual day! Nellie’s is throwing the party to beat Monday, complete with a limerick about the old broad. And if you can hunt down one of the pub’s special coupon postcards -- or if you’ve gotten an email recently through its email list -- then use it to take $5 off the “best St. Patrick’s Day Cheer.” Here, here -- let’s get drunk again, o’ oy vey!...

Kristine W is sunshine and light, radiating positive energy and perseverance. It's an empowering attitude she's had from the get-go, even before her successful bout with leukemia a few years ago. Even if she didn't sing in the gay scene's preferred idiom of dance music, she'd no doubt have a strong gay following. Kristine will spend an hour tomorrow, March 15 (the Ides of March!), at Universal Gear, 1529 14th Street NW, starting at 3 p.m., where she'll be selling her CDs, signing autographs and hanging with her fans as they shop for new clothes for later that evening, when she'll perform at Town....

It’s not every weekend DC gets graced by the "It" DJ on the gay circuit. New York-based Joe “Easy for You to Say” Gauthreaux is, after all, only here every few months -- and again tonight at Apex. Gauthreaux is the circuit’s most in-demand DJ in large measure because he generally prefers music that’s happy and joyous, a return of sorts to the music of a decade ago and beyond. He just shined at Miami’s Winter Party on the beach, and next up, he’ll lighten New York’s Black Party, closing it on a Sunday afternoon. He’ll also headline and hallelujah at New York Pride and gay Disney’s One Mighty Party, among others. He’s like Visa -- he’s almost everywhere you wanna be.

Tomorrow night at Apex, expect him to play many of the up-up-up tracks from his new Winter Party 2008 compilation, which features many of the songs that were everywhere in Miami during Winter Party, from “The Boss” to “I’m Not Featuring You” to “The Flame” to “Don’t Stop The Music.” Actually, Rihanna’s not on here, but clearly her fantastic sampling of Michael Jackson is what compelled The Caramel Club to do the same on “Mama Say Mama Sa,” which also gets some (uncredited) life from the nearly decade-old house classic “Get Get Down” by Paul Johnson. Expect him to play those, and hopefully others, chief among them the latest from Peyton, from the British Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. The American-born preacher’s kid never fails to deliver sweet gay-positive, gospel-informed club hits, this time. Please, please: “Never Give Up"....