Hearsay: August 2008 Archives

OBAMArama Roars Into Town

Posted by Hearsay
August 31, 2008 10:28 AM |
060922_BarackObama_Xtrawide.jpgHearsay isn't one to be coy about its political party inclinations -- it's blue through and through, boys and girls, through and through and through. And it couldn't be more thrilled with the current Democratic ticket. (That hockey motherin', salmon spearin', pro-liferin', gun-lovin' choice of McCain's gives Hearsay a genuine case of the Alaskan shivers.) And Hearsay is always thrilled to lend a hand whenever a foot won't do. So it's here to remind those of you who are in town this weekend to stop by Town, Sunday, August 31, for OBAMArama, a fundraiser for the Barak Obama "Let's Put An Intelligent Lifeform Back in the Oval Office" Presidential Campaign. The headlining DJ is one of Hearsay's personal faves -- DJ Escape, and Hearsay hears that movie star Alan "I'm An X-Man!" Cumming will be making an appearance at the event. Doors open at 9 p.m. Cover is $10 before 11 p.m., $20 after 11 p.m. Town is located at 2009 8th Street NW, but you knew that already, didn't you? All proceeds go to the Obama Victory Fund, a joint fundraising committee authorized by Obama for America and the DNC. And even if you can't make it in person -- let's say you're Blue Mooning it in Rehomo -- you can still contribute by clicking here.

Cracking the Olympics

Posted by Hearsay
August 22, 2008 6:10 PM |
The Beijing Olympics are almost over, which means very soon there’ll be no more televised sights of hunky men in skintight, skimpy, sports gear -- no more shots of Michael “The Human Fish” Phelps’ lean and mean body machine, Jonathan “Ring My Silver Bell” Horton’s bulging arms, the bulky build of Adam “Singlet Stuffing” Wheeler or the thick thighs of David “Howard Powerhouse” Oliver. Oh yeah, and the games and competitions themselves will be over, too. But before it’s all over, there’s an uber-gay play on this year’s Summer Games to come this Saturday to Meridian Hill Park. This could be even better than the real thing! The charge is being led by Summer “Erotic CRACK Boot” Camp, the alter ego of Shea “Come and Blow My” Van Horn. Summer Camp’s Summer Games is actually the latest edition of Aaron “Official Guide to the City” Riggins’ monthly event Saturgays in the Park, which over the past few months has attracted on average a hundred gays to play a croquet match, a game of Twister, a rubber-ducky race, all in Meridian Hill. But with the involvement of Summer Camp, best known as host and organizer of the occasional Crack party at DC9, the August edition will be the wildest, raunchiest, campiest yet. Van Horn tells Hearsay that they’re planning a relay race and other track and field games, as well as plays on equestrian and “water sports.” They’ll start gathering at the impromtu Bird’s Nest at 1 p.m., and the games will begin a couple hours later just as they did in Beijing: with a grand Opening Ceremony with crazy pomp -- and pumps! -- and circumstance. Audience members are encouraged to dress up, wearing their best singlets, bike shorts or Speedos. In fact, Summer Camp will give a $40 American Apparel gift certificate to the person with the best costume. For his part, Riggins says he’ll dress as a 1970s-era sports jock with short-shorts and tube socks. And since it is outdoors, on an August afternoon, Van Horn says Camp will be sure to wear something scantily clad, or at least layers. Would you expect anything less? The whole affair will end with a Closing Ceremony, where medals and prizes will be awarded to winning teams. It's to be followed by an after-party at the Duplex Diner, where coach Eric “I Hold the World Record in Egg Juggling” Hirshfeld will cater to the tater tots and massage the pork chops, and offer drink specials to the game participants. Sounds like the perfect way to spice up a late-August weekend....

Halo Renewed

Posted by Hearsay
August 11, 2008 12:11 PM |
Red Bull.jpgIt just started Sunday, but right now, Halo is already almost halfway through the remodel of its upstairs. If construction goes as planned, the upstairs renovation will be unveiled next weekend. What’s changing? For starters, manager Scott “Angel Cake” Passey’s personal Glory Hole is now gone. Along with the other writings on the wall -- literally. Last Saturday night, patrons were invited to scrawl on the painted brick wall opposite the bar, writing whatever they wanted to. Someone signed for Hilary “Huff But No Puff” Duff -- and Hearsay’s almost certain it wasn’t the real Hilary. And someone else asked, “Where is Miley Cyrus?” Hearsay’s not as clued in to the Disney Channel as it probably should be, but it guesses she’s in, Montana?

For the occasion, Halo revived drinks from its very first menu, oh so many years ago, before fruit drinks were all the rage. Instead, wings were the thing: Remember crazy Red Bull concoctions? Hearsay’s trying to forget them. If the Kamikaze -- Hangar One Lime and the Bull -- was ever tasty, it’s way passed its expiration date in this day and age....

Moran Prepares to Paint the Town Rouge

Posted by Hearsay
August 8, 2008 12:21 PM |
Tony Moran.jpgHearsay's had a thing for Tony "Live You All Over" Moran ever since that time years ago in the V.I.P. bathroom at Nation, when Hearsay improbably but verily coerced the cute, tan and muscle-y New Yorker into knitting a see-through sarong. Oh wait, that was a different Tony. (Hi, Mr. Villa!) Anyway, Tony Moran hasn't been back to D.C. since Nation closed over two years ago. In the intervening years, Moran's mixing has gotten more sophisticated, and his Latin-pop nurtured sound has edged darker, expanding his appeal to both serious and sometime clubbers. Last year he released the two-disc The Event, a mixed set that has quickly become Hearsay's most reliable: A compilation equally conducive to giving you a much-needed pick-me-up, firing up a wayward party or propelling you on a road trip you won't forget. Prepare to get blown this Saturday at Town, when Moran will spin for the Moulin Rouge party. The more red you wear, the hotter it'll be....

The Guess These Abs Game!

Posted by Hearsay
August 7, 2008 1:00 PM |
Hearsay likes this game! It could play all day. Thanks, NBC!
Guess These Abs Game.jpg

Booze 'n boys with Sister Christian

Posted by Hearsay
August 7, 2008 11:17 AM |
Andrew Christian.jpg

Last Friday, Universal Gear kicked off the weekend the way Hearsay hopes the store will always do from now on -- with a cocktail party! What more could you ask for: clothes just perfect for clubbing in all weekend long and free vodka perfect for giving you that head start. With booze flowing freely, Hearsay was pretty buzzed by the time the party ended at 7 p.m., or several hours before it was actually time to go out and drink more. Somehow, Hearsay managed to persevere, like the professional boozehound it is. Don’t try this at home.

The reason for the season: Designer Andrew “Obama Boxer” Christian was in the store, talking up his new line of swimwear and underwear, and just generally looking pretty and feeling good. Universal Gear’s foxy-gothy employee Dustin was disturbed when he noticed Hearsay didn’t have a libation in its hand. “It’s a party!” he commanded Hearsay, and Hearsay’s not one to deny a drinking order.


Christian brought a bevy of models from Los Angeles with him, and while at Universal Gear they took turns alternating between standing in the window like real-life underwear mannequins, only twinkier, and pouring cocktails. Later that night, they followed Christian to Cobalt, for the party that was the real reason he was in town. The Music to Wear Tour with DJ Kimberly “GP” S was the latest incarnation of the club’s Flight 1639 party. Hearsay presented its boarding pass for free admission, then inquired about joining the Mile High Club. Say, Dave “Koopa Troopa” Perruzza, wanna join it with Hearsay? “I’m afraid of another crash landing,” he retorted, then studied Hearsay’s face to see if it got the reference. Fine, be that way -- but it wasn't entirely Hearsay's fault that that public toilet sprung a leak. There was a hefty person involved! Anyway, Andrew Christian was hard to pin down at Cobalt, and his models were even harder to get. They traveled in a flock, spreading their little wings up and down and all around, as if looking to fly the coop, maybe thinking Christian’s trademarked Butt-Lifting Technology would do the trick. And in its own way it did. Just looking at them, Hearsay felt as high as a mile at one point or another....

Talented Townies

Posted by Hearsay
August 7, 2008 11:15 AM |

The ads said anything goes, or almost: "A crazy talent contest where anyone can compete and do whatever they want on stage (basically anything)." And yet, almost all eight contestants at Town's "This Town's Got Talent" competition sang. Don't you people watch America's Got Talent? Surely someone in this town can tell jokes or yodel or perform acrobatic stunts or put their hand up the ass-end of a puppet and make it talk. Town's Ed "Talent Cultivator" Bailey reminded the crowd the winner earns $1,000, while also announcing that the competition is now a monthly affair, the first Friday of every month. All $1,000-monthly victors will compete at the end of the year for $5,000. That buys a fuckload of singing lessons. Hearsay would enter, but its talent consists of balancing three martini glasses on its nose while giving a reacharound to a horse. And Hearsay isn't sure the Town folk are ready for its trademarked Mr. Ed Extravaganza.


Anyway, on "This Town's Got Talent," Lena "Taking Care of Business" Lett stands in for Jerry "See More of Me at Studio" Springer, who was apparently too busy hosting his own talent show to be bothered. But who better to host than The Grand Duchess Lett? Derek "X Marks the Faction" Brown stood in for David "BabeWatch" Hasselhoff, and Shi-Queeta-Lee - Shqtl, for short - as Sharon "Potty Trained" Osbourne. And the third judge was the one Lett called the "oldest living drag queen in captivity," who "just got out of Leisure World" -- Blair "Go Ahead, Squeeze the Goods... If You Dare" Michaels. The judges were given a rainbow-colored feather duster stick, which they held up when they had had enough of any one contestant, signaling a loud buzzer. Only two contestants actually got the gay gong, though the first was [IDENTITY OF PUBLIC OFFICIAL CENSORED], brought out of [CENSORED] just for the occasion, to flail about to the tune of [CENSORED] and generally make a [CENSORED] of [CENSORED]. Things really got interesting when [NAME OF PUBLIC OFFICIAL CENSORED] unsheathed his [CENSORED] and waggled it with abandon at the [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] and that's pretty much the time the gong went off.

Town's own barback -- and luscious Crew Club model -- Nick "Grin And Bear It" Baatz was the first contestant, singing and strumming an original folk tune, which was well and good and all, but not enough for Lett, who made him take off his shirt, too. But it was really no contest. Pam "You're Gonna Love Me" Ward, a regular wedding singer around town, who joked to Hearsay she's "waiting for her first bar mitzvah," sang the Dreamgirls anthem "And I'm Telling You." "You've got a phenomenal voice," Lett said, as the crowd wildly clapped its assent. Ward handily won the evening....

A Nellie Olympics

Posted by Hearsay
August 7, 2008 10:52 AM |
Phelps.jpgIn the eighth hour of the eighth night of the eighth month of the eighth year this decade - that's 8-8-8-8, which has to be an omen of some sort -- the latest round of the Olympics will launch. That's right, the XXIX Olympics - still under 30! - will kick-off with Opening Ceremonies at 8 p.m. on NBC Some athletes may skip the ceremony on account of the smog in Beijing, but you can watch it all smog-free -- unless you consider alcohol a kind of pollution. In which case, Hearsay plans to have so much fun, it won't be able to see! -- at any number of bars around town, though Hearsay's most keen on Nellie's. It is a gay sports bar after all. And what is studying the screen to see which muscular athlete is the cutest if not a sport?. Yes, Mr. Phelps, that means you. Study away, boys....

A Model Marriage

Posted by Hearsay
August 2, 2008 9:43 AM |
Shaun and Paul.jpgSo two models from Oxygen-TV's Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency are getting hitched. Season three's Paul "Fashionista" Anderson, the tall, blond Midwesterner, and Shaun "Yo Yo" McCarron, the tall, darker Southerner, are having a ceremony in November in Bora Bora Boring. What's actually not dull about this story is the wedding picture they've sent out with invitations. No, Hearsay didn't get an actual invitation -- who in their right mind would invite Hearsay to such a high-minded event? But Hearsay did manage to get its grubby little hands on the goods. That's the pic on the right, with the grooms-to-be wearing little -- but at least they're in white! What's especially odd is how uncanny this pic looks like the "official wedding" pic that Hearsay's own parents sent out when they got married. In fact, the only difference is that Hearsay's parents' pants had pleats. But what is that in Paul's pants? He either carries a banana with him at all times (because you never know when you'll come face to face with an angry chimpanzee) or he's just really, really happy to be held by Shaun....

George Michael: Built to Last

Posted by Hearsay
August 1, 2008 8:36 AM |

This past Tuesday, July 29, Hearsay enjoyed spending its time savoring a rare treat -- a crowd peppered with gays at Verizon Center. And all there to see another rare treat -- George “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” Michael, on his first U.S. tour in 17 years, and reportedly his last ever.

Michael asked, “Where are my gay boys?” before launching into his early hit “A Different Corner,” and later introduced “Flawless (Go To The City)” as “maybe the gayest record I ever made.” “Gayer than ‘Outside?’” Hearsay's chum Kevin “Here I Am” Gray asked, referring to the very next song in his set list. Hmmm. During the two-plus-hours of the show, Michael also put in a plug for gay marriage and dedicated “Amazing” to his partner. But despite a strong gay vibe, the crowd was probably only a quarter queer. Hi, Jeremy “Fastlove” Rausch and Rob “Too Funky” Wahlfeld! Nice to see you too, Colin “I Knew You Were Waiting” Stewart and Tom “Gotta Have Faith” Walker. And isn't that Metro Weekly's own art director Todd "It's the Beer, Stupid" Franson and his dancing pet bear Collin "Oscopy" Ingraham. There were far more families -- even straight men and children! -- than Hearsay expected to see. The D.C. crowd included the “auntie” who used to babysit Michael when she lived in London, and up flashed on the huge L.E.D. screen behind him an old black-and-white photo of her with him as a toddler.

But it was the ladies who generally screamed loudest and danced hardest. He may not be the straight man of their adolescent dreams, but they still want his sex... appeal. At the least, his charisma and unalloyed enthusiasm were contagious. He said this American leg of his 25 Live Tour -- and DC marked stop No. 100 in its multi-year, global itinerary -- has been the highlight of the former Wham!-er’s career. Michael repeatedly held the microphone out to let the crowd sing his lyrics -- and this was a singing crowd to put most to shame. It’s as if they’d been waiting 17 years to sing, “But when you shake your ass, they notice fast, and some mistakes were built to last”....