So now we know. Amy "Syringe Binge" Winehouse can't walk very well. She won't give up the microphone easily, either. And she's not punctual to save her life.

Or at least, we know that about the Winehouse who graced the 18th & U Duplex Diner on Saturday night. The surprise performer for the Diner's 10th Anniversary party was a complete surprise -- not a celebrity at all, but an unknown celebrity impersonator, a sloshed and disheveled drag queen acting as Winehouse. Yes, that was the surprise the crowd packed into the dining area and up into the bar waited and waited and waited to see, some 80 minutes after the tentative 10:30 p.m. start time. She ran through a couple of Winehouse's hits -- half-lip-synching, half-forgetting why she was there -- all the while she ran through the crowd and climbed onto the bar, spilling people's drinks as she trotted along.

Before the show, The Diner broadcast a montage of photos tracing the history of the Duplex Diner from when Eric "Eat, Eat, You're Like A Wafer You're So Thin!" Hirshfield first leased the wreck of a building in 1996, to when it opened two years later in 1998, to now, when it's as popular as ever. The best part about the night was catching up and chatting up the convivial crowd of regulars, including Doug "Feel the Burn -- It Is Supposed to Burn, Right?" Jeffries, Karl "Taint Misbehaving" Jones, Chris "Silent Burp" Crain, Lee "Cuss or Discuss" Hylton, John "I'm Not Usually This Bitchy" Anderson, Kevin "Keep It Upbeat" Gray and of course fomer Diner staffer Chord "Spree Was My Invention" Bezerra, who spun at the Diner on Sunday night for the 10th anniversary weekend's finale. Hearsay can't wait to see who Eric brings in for the 20th anniversary. Might Hearsay suggest Faux-donna?....

You might be exhausted from just looking at the following list of things to bite this weekend in the Big Apple, but believe Hearsay, it’s not an exhaustive list -- there are at least three times as many more bar and club happenings in New York. For once, Hearsay decided to be selective. Though there is some overlap, you could conceivably hit all of these events, if your stamina – and your wallet – holds out. You won’t know unless you try, right?

Friday night, Hearsay is intrigued by two completely different ways to kick it all off. The first option is the most unusual. Where else in the city can you actually swim during a nighttime party? The Baña Pool Party () starts at midnight at a venue with a giant pool way downtown, in the Financial District, with tickets requiring a dive in the deep end (cheapest tickets are $40). But come on, you might win a medal! This monthly gay event features an open bar all night long, plus guest performances. For this special Pride edition, leather pornstar Mike “All Out Assault” Dreyden will be “helping you into your swim trunks,” or whatever you decide to wear in the water.

For a more traditional start to the weekend – as traditional as clubbing all night can get – you can’t do much better than hearing DJs Peter “Save Me” Rauhofer, Offer “Call Me” Nissim and Richie “Beat Me” Santana at Work () at its new Friday night venue Discotheque in Chelsea.

Saturday afternoon, you should hit the Virgin Megastore () at Union Square for its 2nd annual Pridefest celebrating all things gay audio-visual, from musicians to pornstars. DJs Max “Come Once A Year” Rodriguez and former Playgirl pinup DeMarko! will spin during the noon to 6 p.m. event, where even drinks will be on tap, and a motley crew of singers will perform, including Brian “Don’t Stop Believin’” Kent, Jason “My Voice Takes You Higher” Walker, Joi “My Joy” Cardwell and Ari “Aren’t I Special?” Gold. In addition, DJs will be on deck to sign copies of their latest compilations from 2 to 3 p.m., and Raging Stallion stars will be parading around much of the day signing autographs -- “Let me hear you squeal like a pig while I’m porking you. XOXO, Jake ‘The Other White Meat’ Deckard.”

Saturday night brings a special blowout Blowoff to the High Line Ballroom. Bob “Franchise Opportunities Available” Mould and Rich “Trademark Pending” Morel bring the same level of woozy woofiness to this bimonthly New York offshoot of the original D.C. monthly, which is in hibernation until September. You can actually get started hunting muscle bears before Blowoff though, on the annual Sea Tea Muscle Bears Cruise (). DJ Mark “Disco Inferno” Cicero will spin on the two and a half hour cruise sailing at 7:30 p.m. in the Hudson River, where you can drink and dine at a free buffet and then have dessert with the frisky furry fellas.

Sunday is the gay lord’s day, but don’t even think of resting. The 39th Annual Pride Day March () kicks off at noon at Fifth Avenue and 52nd Street and parades around for hours until ending in the Village, where the 15th Annual Pridefest Street Fair () – back after a year off – goes until 7 p.m. Starting at 4 p.m. is the ultimate party of the weekend, if you can handle the crowd and the heat – the 22nd Annual Dance on the Pier (), which benefits the organization putting on the whole weekend shebang, Heritage of Pride. DJs Joe “Circuit Star” Gauthreaux and Tracy “Sticky and Sweet” Young will spin while Guy “Razzle Dazzle” Smith lights the fire until the fireworks end it all at 10:30 p.m. A surprise performer will take the stage right before the fiery climax. Janet, J. Lo, Whitney and hmm, Idina “Gravity’s A Witch” Menzel, have taken the stage in years past, so you never know.

Finally, get out your last vestiges of your Pride at Pacha, when Saint At Large () will reprise the peak-time music from this year’s Black Party experience, bringing back Stephan “Grind Out” Grondin and Jonathan “All This Time” Peters. But the real draw is the ultimate champion at this Champions party: Junior “Gimme More” Vasquez, returning to the former Sound Factory space that helped cement his legendary status decades ago. Vasquez won’t even go on until poor 9-to-5ers start getting ready for work, so feel free to arrive late, maybe after a little rest-ee-poo. By the time it’s done Monday afternoon, you will be too.

Well, Hearsay demands an in-person inspection, perhaps even a hands-on assessment. Barring that, Hearsay's educated guess -- yes, educated, Hearsay got its degree studying the 3B's, bulges, booze and butts -- is that this is simply a matter of loose vs. tight fabric, or really basic vs. contoured cut trunks. Armani clearly knows how to accentuate the positive. Or maybe it's a matter of Beckham just getting out of the ocean in the older shot. Cold water is a lunchbox's enemy!

Click here for a slideshow of Becks' lunchbox and especially his picnic bASSket.]]> http://www.metroweekly.com/nightlife/hearsay/2008/06/#001194 http://www.metroweekly.com/nightlife/hearsay/2008/06/#001194 Mon, 23 Jun 2008 15:54:06 -0500 Baltimore Pride is this weekend. The theme this year is “Life, Love, Be’More” -- ain’t that cute? Be’More in B’More. Don’t mind if Hearsay do! On Sunday, DC’s Mara “Leave It To” Levi, Tom “Good Man” Goss and Odd Girl Out will perform, as will Brendan “Look Into His Eyes” Velasquez. But Hearsay’s most excited for Saturday, when the Parade kicks off with a high-heel race, and then ends at Eager “Beaver” Street in the heart of gay Mount Vernon, where the Pride Block Party goes until 10 p.m. Johnny “Soccer Baller” McGovern and his Team Pimp headline the party, and DC’s own crazy-good all-female party band Wicked Jezebel will also perform. Best yet, you can drink right there on Gay Street, out in the open, as you view the performers, peruse the vendors and -- don’t forget! -- cruise the Pridegoers. What’s not to love?

Once that’s a wrap -- or even before -- you can just stumble on in to Club Hippo, where local DJ Shawn “Right On” Q will spin before the lead-half of Rosabel, the legendary Ralphi “You Used to Hold Me” Rosario , spins until 2 a.m., when sadly Charm City turns off the taps and makes you go home. Unless you want to keep going without alcohol. And if you can stomach that, then DC’s Ed “It Ain’t My Town, But I Love It Here” Bailey will save you from yourself once again. He’ll spin for what’s becoming an annual Pride tradition at B’More’s beloved bare-bones after-hours spot, Club 1722. It’s always a fun mix of party people: on Pride night mostly gay, but there’ll still be a good gaggle of friendly straights, including, quite possibly, B’more pro-athletes. Try to score one for the team....

Then of course, there are the requisite Pride events, the Parade Saturday evening, June 14, and the Street Festival on Sunday, June 15. For the Parade you should plant yourself near a bar anywhere along the route -- Fireplace, Omega, DIK, Cobalt, Halo, Floriana, Annie's, though might we suggest JR.’s and its “outdoor beer garden” right on the bar’s half-block of Church Street. The Festival will have a couple beer gardens set up, so you can roam (but not with your foam). Time to get your pride drinking on!...

He’s only a legend in his own mind, but entertaining all the same, and Project Runway’s Christian “Fierce Tranny Who’s Not Really” Siriano will work it out Friday at the Official Capital Pride Men’s Party at Town tomorrow night, June 13. Be careful what you wear and how you wear it, else Siriano will slap you with a “hot mess” citation. A what? Is that a good thing or bad thing? Only one way to find out! While the men’s dance party is about fashion, the Official Capital Pride Women’s Party at the nearby 9:30 Club is about music, with enough lesbian rockers to form a clique, including Melissa Ferrick and BETTY. And over in Northeast, Fuego hosts the year’s D.C. Latino Pride Dance, with one drag performance after another.

Following the parade on Saturday, Cobalt will have a special Pride edition of its Flashback '70s disco and '80s retro party with DJ Jason "Raiders of the Lost Quark" Royce, launching immediately at the end of the parade. At midnight, DJ Chris "A Little Dab'll Do Ya" Combs will spin tribal and progressive house. There’s the special Pride blowout edition of Blowoff at the 9:30 Club -- it’s also the summer's final Blowoff, which will take a hiatus until September. So get your man fur groomed and get your furry fix for the summer. At Fur itself there’s the official Pride event Unity, where boys and girls will dance together for 11 hours nonstop, to DJs Steve “Chip Chop You Don’t Stop” Gonzales, Steven "Harry and the" Henderson, Sin "To Win" Morera and others, including a new DJ on the scene, BabyPeeps, who reportedly only spins songs by The Wiggles. Fur is open till 8 a.m., giving this town a rare after-hours event. Meanwhile, back across town, Town will bring in Chris "Platinum Finger" Cox, the former Thunderpuss-er and Nation regular who will make his debut at the club. Be Bar will have back2back DJ’ing boycamp, with Counselor Ba'Naka Devereaux leading go-go boys in team games while patrons will no doubt engage in individual pursuits. For the ladies, there's Lure's pride event at the RnR Bar, at 717 6th St. NW, featuring DJs Raw and Rosie, both mainstays at Baltimore's Hippo....

But wait, there’s more! Royce tells Hearsay the remodel is the “first major remodel since the beginning” of the current incarnation of Cobalt some seven years ago. (And stay tuned for the 7th Anniversary Party in July.) “When it’s all said and done, it’s going to be a whole new club.” But not that new. Still owned by Eric “17th Street Nightlife Governor” Little, Cobalt “will remain what it always has been. It will be different and dramatic, but it’ll still be the same ole, new and improved Cobalt,” Royce jokes. Royce himself is same ole, new and improved: Though he’s been calling most of the shots for a while now, he was just officially promoted to General Manager. Which means he gets to manage the generals.

Up top, at the club end of things, they’ll be upgrading the DJ booth and making other changes to “take it to the next level.” And the bottom? They’re in the early stages of reinstalling a restaurant down there, which should open later in the summer. They haven’t settled on a name much less the menu, though Royce promises diner-style comfort food and late-night dining even on weeknights. Hearsay’s already getting giddy about the prospect of late-night restaurant-hopping in the neighborhood...

Of course, Saturday night there's Blowoff here at our town's celebrated 9:30 Club. And before you hit that, why not hop a few blocks over, to check out two other out rockers perform? Local grappler Tom "Folksy" Goss and inky stud Eric "Rocksy" Himan will strum and sing at Solly's U Street Tavern. Should be a night of a gay indie-music fan's dream...

"Madonna, the world's tastiest sweetheart" begins a recent press release announcing her new Sticky and Sweet Tour. But apparently, the No. 1 Sweet Tart doesn't like the taste of D.C. As with 2006's Confessions Tour, Madonna has pursed her lips at our Verizon Center candy. The Wachovia Center in Philadelphia is yet again the closest she'll come to our sticky city in support of her sweet, new chart-topping album Hard Candy. After stops in Europe, including a Saturday, August 23 debut in Wales -- exactly one week after Madonna turns 50 -- the tour will roll out of the factory in North America Friday, October 3 at New Jersey's Izod Center -- yes, named for the fashion line that put lizards on men's chests decades before Mark "Smoker's Delight" Lee did. (Though his are certainly nicer and bigger beasts.) After stops the following week at New York's Madison Square Garden, the tour will take another month to get to Philadelpia, sweetening Brotherly Loveland Wednesday, November 19, before finally dissolving stateside the next week on Thanksgiving Eve, November 26, in Miami, right in time for the resort's famed White Party.

Tickets go on sale Monday, May 19 for New Jersey and New York, but not until Monday, June 2 for Philadelphia. And never for Washington. Not that Hearsay's sour about it or anything. (Just a little case of the puckers.) According to the release, Citibank cardmembers can access presale tickets beginning Tuesday, May 13 at 10am -- that's next week, folks! Click here for complete tour and ticket information.

If you're looking for a midnight snack tonight, don't bother with milk and chocolate-dusted, sesame-crusted tofu. Instead, get tomorrow's fix today -- that is, Madonna's new sugar-rush of an album, Hard Candy. In conjunction with Warner Brothers and Hot 99.5, Dupont's lovely independent Melody Records is setting up temporary shop at Be Bar tonight so that you can buy the album early. It goes on sale at Be Bar the stroke of midnight. The chic bar is certainly the place to be tonight: The DJ duo BacK2bACk will help all the material girls and gays get into the groove with a special dance party, spinning tunes celebrating the candy-popping diva who knows how to make the burgoisie and the rebel dance together... at least for four minutes at a time.

Is getting an early lick at Hard Candy worth it? Yes, according to Metro Weekly music critic Doug Rule, whose full assessment of the album will appear in this Thursday's edition. Says Rule: "Madonna struts her way through this album with the same appealingly cocksure attitude she had when she started in the business half her life ago. In fact, anyone who ever called himself a fan will likely savor this for a long time to come."

Hearsay is nothing if not fashionably untimely. Which is why it is now filing a report on the Saint At Large's Rites XXIX: The Dangerous Black Party for Boys, the dirtiest Boy Scout camp ever. Hearsay made the rare trip to Manhattan, specifically to the Roseland Ballroom in New York’s theater district. Many thousands of leather and fetish men were getting sprung for spring, which is dirty work, for sure. Among those from D.C. Hearsay spotted getting sexually sullied at the 29th annual Black Party were: Ron “MILF” Brown and his NYC crew, Sean “Perky” Eagler, Keith “Pesky” Iames, Tom “Bumbalicious” Walker and Colin “Tuna and Pretzels” Stewart. Hearsay wasn’t doing too bad itself, thanks to the stiff ones bartender Mark “Rump Shaker” Loque served up. And thanks also to former D.C. resident Don “Page” Turner, who helped Hearsay get in a little bit better shape with a guest pass to the best gay gym this side of I-95, David Barton Gym and Moonbounce. Why, Mr. Barton himself was even at the Chelsea location the Friday night before the party, pumping iron while local DJ Johnny “Energizer” Dynell pumped tunes from his own wheels of steel.

This year’s Black Party occurred the same night as something called the Imperial Court’s Night of a Thousand Gowns, a drag institution in Manhattan. The Village Voice’s Michael “Crassing to Be Clever” Musto said that that rare, simultaneous drag development forced some dresser-uppers to frantically change from one extravagant costume to another: “running home to uncover their facial hair, take off the bra and let the tits hang in a muscle T.” Hearsay didn’t see any signs of mascara residue or unfortunate tuck plucks, but then maybe those weren’t just black eyes or profusely punched pecs as Hearsay had originally thought. The Black Party ain’t for pussies, in any case. This is a dog and pig show. In fact, a figurative pig of the female persuasion was roasted right there on the premises -- in the set built as a campfire just outside a cave at the base of the Matterhorn. There were miners in that cave, and they weren’t just mining for gold. There were rock-climbers too, and they weren’t really climbing rocks. The sight of those hairy, muscle-laden lads -- part of porn-star headliner Francois “Fighting Titan“ Sagat’s posse -- climbing up a net with their backs to the crowd in nothing but white jockstraps? Well, that’s Hearsay’s kind of camp.

The next night, the Miami-based but legendary New York promoter Ric “My Name in Lights” Sena hosted his first Alegria party at the newly refurbished and repurposed Webster Hall, which days earlier the city had dignified a historic landmark. The 120-plus-year East Village haunt oozed character. It oozed thousands of men, too. It was hard to move around the dance floor in the early going, and the brand-new wood floor was a rocking to all the foot-stomping. But soon enough, the boys figured out the layout and got with the flow, and the party became its usual steaming-good time. Hearsay had fun dancing with all the hairy muscle porn stars celebrating the dirty, sexy weekend, especially Jake “Punch Drunk” Deckard and Damien “Detained and Restrained” Crosse. Just before Sena presented DJ Abel with a giant lit birthday cake that Abel blew out before he set the place on fire, Jeanie “Party People Powerhouse” Tracy performed. Woo hoo! Among too many familiar faces, both from D.C. and New York, Hearsay especially enjoyed watching Glanson “Touch The Sky” LaBarrie burn it up. Just two nights before, LaBarrie had packed his friends into the upstairs of U Street’s El Sol Mexican Restaurant for his going-away party. Yes, D.C. has lost another one to the dirty city to the North. LaBarrie packed himself up and moved the very next day....