Hearsay

Wet amateur night, WedRock at 9:30 Club


Published on October 14, 2004, 12:00am | Comments

Amateurs in their underwear at Wet...
Going to the rockin' chapel at WEDRock...
Getting hitched to Henry Rollins...

A couple Fridays back, Hearsay wandered into Wet, initially for a drink of water. But it ended up staying to watch as the venerable nightclub hosted its regular Friday Night Underwear Contest -- ooh, la, la! -- where the contestants were plentiful and had plenty of underwear-type garments to show, if you know what Hearsay means. Now, if it was your birthday, would you go ahead and enter the contest, hoping to scoop up the first place prize of $200 Cash? Hearsay says yes. And so did contestant Rick, who was sporting a leather harness all night long. But what if you had brought all your friends along with you? Even better. That way you've got a built-in audience rooting for you. That's not to say Rick didn't deserve to win, though second runner-up Bill gave him a run for the money. But entering the contest on your birthday also means you have to get into your birthday suit (well, underwear, anyway) in front of all your friends. If that's not ballsy, Hearsay doesn't know what is. Just three Saturdays from now, on November 6th, Wet will host its semi-regular Ultimate Amateur Contest, featuring a whopping $1,000 cash prize. All first and second place contestants from this month's contests are eligible to compete. So, if you missed Rick and Bill, you'll get another chance to see their tightie-whities…

Hearsay's knee-deep in benefit season -- the past few weeks have seen more than ever before -- a time when one organization after another, after pop stars, after giant turtles asks for $40 and up to help them make progress on civil rights. Whenever they call, Hearsay's first question is always, “Can you help Hearsay get listed on a gift registry at Nordstrom's?” So far, everyone quickly hangs up. WEDRock organizer Steve “Gnocci” Gdula slammed the phone down the loudest, which only piqued Hearsay's interest in his little wedding party. And then when Hearsay noted that Sandra “Master of Annoyance“ Bernhard was a top-billed performer at last Tuesday's event, Hearsay made its way to the 9:30 Club. There weren't too many Nordstrom-attired folks in the room or on the stage. “Do I Look Like A Slut?” the gals of Avenue “Double” D asked in song, as they wore loose white nighties and little else. As they explained their wardrobe a few lines later, “It really doesn't matter, I'm just gonna take it off anyway.” Truth be told, they did look like sluts. All in all, they fit right in with the slate of left-of-center performers on this night. Hearsay had thought maybe the Avenue D girls would pull the wig down from the shelf and take on the role of Hedwig, created, of course, by John Cameron "Blood and Black Lace" Mitchell. And in the end, no one picked up the wig in a box that night: not Bernhard, who kicked off the night with a rollicking and rocking half-hour set with her band; not David “Free from the GOP” Catania, who didn't perform at all, only speaking about the importance of the cause; not even Mitchell, who gave the crowd -- which included many of his relatives -- reason to cheer, after his brilliant performance of “Origin of Love.” He also sang with Bob “In My Spare Time, I Produce Penicillin!” Mould on another number, though it wasn't as memorable as Mould's later set, closing out the night, thrashing around the stage with his electric guitar alongside Brandon “Killer on the Bass” Butler and Brendan “Fugazi Drummer Extraordinaire” Canty, the latter of whom ended up injuring his hand hitting the cymbals early in the evening, not that it stopped him for a second. Mould was electrifying, and the performance was as loud as even aging (but only numerically) punk rock trendsetters should give…

And now, to answer the burning question probably on your mind: How could Hearsay go so long without mentioning Henry “Rock ‘n'” Rollins, the night's emcee? (Hank, as he's known to no one, told tales of hanging out with the “girls” -- as in old-school fey guys -- at Georgetown's Biograph Theater when he was a boy, working the ticket booth, alerting the “girls” to any cute boys in the crowd. They all called him “Henrietta.” Ahhh…) Well, it took Hearsay until the bitter end of the night to push people out of the way to get its chance to talk to Rollins. Everyone, boys and girls (but mostly boys) were fawning all over him, hoping to meet him after the show in the VIP area. Rollins was more genial than Hearsay had expected he'd be, since he has said he's not a mingling, hanging-out-after-the-concert kind-of guy. Because inquiring minds want to know: His hair's almost greyish white now, and he's made no attempt to color it. But the muscles were still bulging under his tight black t-shirt, which, despite a couple catcalls, he never did take off…


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