Hearsay

Cobalt's 2nd Anniversary, Scarlet's Bake Sale, VelvetNation and more club news


Published on February 19, 2004, 12:00am | Comments

Cobalt gets ready for a big second anniversary bash…
VelvetNation takes a walk on the raw and uncut side…
Scarlet's Bake Sale raises $7,500…

Hearsay doesn't go out all that often, so when it does the occasion has got to be special. Like, say, for Robert “4-ever Young” York's thirty-fifth 35th birthday (yes, Hearsay knows -- it's amazing how well-preserved that Director of Capital Pride is. York attributes his eternally youthful countenance to a special, self-invented “Botox, Mormon-Milled Oatmeal, and Muskrat Semen Facial Shake,” an ingestible concoction he's hoping to market through TLA Releasing's new “Scratch ‘n Sniff Skin Products Line”). Sadly, Robert's birthday isn't until this coming weekend, and Hearsay had to go out prior to this weekend to get a column turned in, so Hearsay will simply wish Robert a happy 70th and ask you all to do the same, should you run into him out and about…

Speaking of birthdays and anniversaries, this weekend marks the second year since Cobalt reopened under new management -- and the club has been doing gangbusters as of late, regularly packing in the hottest, prettiest and trendiest guys on the north side of 17th Street. A few weeks ago, Hearsay stopped in and asked bartender Nate “Fab Abs” Miller to serve up a stiff one. Nate complied. Hearsay then asked Nate if it could strum “Turkey in the Straw” on his washboard stomach, Hearsay being the champion of the 1999 Southern Tennessee Washboard Musical Competition and Toe Picking Festival (Hearsay won that year with a sprightly medley of Olivia Newton John hits). Nate declined, citing excessive soreness from one too many situps. So Hearsay took to a corner and watched the boys flit by. Dan “Not a Nader” Rader flitted by in a bat of an eyelash -- admittedly a long, luxurious eyelash -- and Eric “I Have a Thing for Telephone Poles” Muhl flitted by as if dreaming of boys' crotches (last Hearsay saw of him, he was sniffing a couple). David “Flick of the Dick” Clark flitted by as if dreaming of a Log Cabin White House. And Ronald “The Big” Binkowski flitted by as if in a wet dream. Ain't that always the way. Hearsay was back at Cobalt the following weekend -- on Friday the 13th no less -- grooving to the always groovable hard, progressive sounds of Victor “Hooked on Phonics” Martinez, one of the club's select resident DJs. On that night, Hearsay managed to sip the martini of a young man with erect nipples and a pierced -- well, you really don't need to know, but Hearsay will note that it's the first time it's encountered a piercing on that part of the body. This coming weekend, Cobalt is celebrating its anniversary with not one, but TWO nights of festivities. The first, Fire, will set the club alight on Friday, February 20th, and will offer up the extraordinary sounds of guest DJ Angelo “The Wrath of” Kortez and a special live appearance by recording artist Rachel Panay, who will perform her new club smash hit "The Walk of Shame,” which, incidentally, Hearsay has embarked on more than 10,482.45 in its decade-long life. (The .45, in case you're wondering, signifies for the time Hearsay passed out in the gutter, not quite completing the entire walk.) On Saturday, February 21st, Cobalt will present the Ice portion of its celebration, with music from gifted resident DJ Jason “Retronomics” Royce. Hearsay wishes all the management and staffers at the Big Beautiful Blue Club on R & 17th a very happy and festive weekend...

Speaking of blue, Hearsay saw colors a few weekends ago -- lots o' colors on the dance floor of VelvetNation, as it attended the club's Raw & Uncut extravaganza. Hearsay found  itself immersed in a veritable feast for the senses, with candles lining the stairs and all around the main room's dance floor. Too bad Hearsay couldn't take in the view from its favorite perch on the roped-off second floor balcony. But Hearsay snuck into the DJ booth, where the tag-team of DJs Yiannis and Guido stripped down to bare elements. The songs, not each other. Unfortunately, that's all the raw and uncut Hearsay saw -- or heard -- all evening. But maybe J.T. “I Make Boys Cry“ Powell had better luck. Powell could steam-cook anything raw with just one glance from his baby blues. Hearsay bets he's got the power to cut wood too, but would he? Come to think of it, how much would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Hearsay would like an answer to this perplexing riddle . Anywho, Powell's boyfriend Shane “If J.T. and I Made a Baby She Just Might Look Like Melanie” Griffith seemed especially happy to be here, but not as happy as Robert “Am I Joking or Am I Serious?” Coggins. No one could be happier than Coggins. It's against the law. Hearsay continued down its happy trail until something unusual our way came. Who is that? Could it be? Yes, indeed, it was former Velvet performance artist extraordinaire Aubrey. Aubrey? What brings that seductive performance minx down from the Big Tired Metropolis up north? “I'm just here visiting friends this weekend,” Aubrey sniffed, followed by a sneeze. Hearsay hears Aubrey's got something up her sleeve. A rose? A water bottle? A poodle? A box of Kleenex?…

Hearsay wants to send out another Happy Birthday greeting to Martin “Aging in Reverse” Moeller, who refuses to divulge his true age, but Hearsay reckons to be somewhere between 20 and 100. Hearsay is fairly certain Martin is younger than Madonna but older than Britney. And Hearsay hears he has a nipple shield that rivals Janet's. A group of Moeller's friends, and his long-long-long-long-LONG-time companion Steve “Goldilocks and the Three Bears” Dickens, celebrated at the perfect-dinner-spot-for-large-weekend-night-parties: Odeon Restaurant, where the pasta doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth…

And finally, some short bits. What's all this buzz-buzz about Echo, a new forthcoming retro night? Hearsay has yet to learn of the location, but it's eagerly looking forward to hearing what the evening has to offer its retro-hungry ears… Is Club Ten really re-opening as the legendary The Pier? That's the rumor. But Hearsay was unable to get confirmation at press time… Can the crowd at Sunday Mass get any more massive (or more adorable)? Find out this Sunday morning as Mass flings open its doors at the usual 6 a.m. worshipping time… And finally, Scarlet's 33rd Annual Cake Sale and Auction, held this year at Titan, raised $7,500 for Pediatric AIDS of Washington, D.C., thanks to a robust crowd of three hundred who bid on more than forty entries from regional clubs, commercial establishments and individuals. This year's winners went to the Centaur MC, Hamburger Mary's, Virginia Leatherboy 2003 Tim “Timber” Woody, and SigMa. Hearsay was happy to see its old friend Ed “Kick Me” Moore return as the event's fearless auctioneer and gives a special nod to Neil “Studmuffin” Alexander, who has fearlessly helped organized this event for several years now…


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