My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for a few years. I lost my job several months ago and recently moved in with him. He is emotionally and physically abusive, but I can't afford to move. I think I love him, but this relationship is horrible. What do I do?
-- Abused Rent
Leave that bitch today! It is never okay to be abused, regardless of your financial situation. Love does not take the form of abuse, ever! Turn to your friends, family, or community outreach programs for assistance. (I recommend the Brother, Help Thyself 24-Hour Help Line at 202-347-2246.) The longer you stay, the greater danger you put yourself in. Abuse is a control issue and behavior pattern, neither of which you're going to be able to stop or change. Leave while you can still walk away from this situation.
I am in my mid-20s and have been dating my boyfriend very seriously for two-and-a-half years. Recently I have been faced with a dilemma. Even though I love him very much and want to be with him, I see us taking very different paths. He seems to be obsessed with the "circuit scene" and getting high all the time. I feel like I've "been there, done that" and want to move away from that whole scene. Every time I want to talk to him about it, he gets defensive and we end up fighting. Please help. How do I keep my boyfriend that I love and at the same time keep my brain cells?
-- Partied Out
Compromise is the key to every good relationship. If your boyfriend is unwilling or unable to compromise, then how much does he love you? There is nothing wrong with going out, if that's what you both enjoy. However, everything must be done in moderation. If the only way you can have fun is by going out, then a problem has been created. People grow in different stages. Keep in mind that you may not be able to reach a compromise. Getting high all the time speaks to a larger problem of escape. What he is escaping from may be the issue you need to address. If he is addicted to the drugs, remember it's a disease and should be treated as such. Help him with gentle, but firm, love.
During sexplay and pillow talk, my boyfriend often says he loves my big, fat dick. Thing is, I'm pretty average and his cock is obviously much bigger than mine. It's starting to bother me that he keeps calling attention to this inequity. Should I say something to him or am I being too sensitive?
-- Advocating Accurate Pillow Talk
If it bothers you, say something. Bear in mind, however, that he may be describing your penis in larger terms to put you at ease. And it may very well be large to him -- after all, he's not fucking himself, now is he? If it keeps him happy you have nothing to be sensitive about. You should also remember one of Miss Lena's rules to live by: If you want to keep someone quiet in the bedroom, put something in his mouth.
Happy Halloween, my little hobgoblins! Enjoy your tricks and treats safely -- and be sure to let me know whenever there's something on your mind you need help with. Send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org.