Dear Miss Lena,
Is revenge WRONG? When I broke up with my ex, I was left with mountains of debt, a broken heart, and lots of pain. Anyway, I would love to make him feel as bad as I do. The EX (or as I call him, the "Y") promotes himself as someone he is NOT, and I would love to expose him BIG TIME. I know doing this would cause him great embarrassment and pain -- which might be a good thing. What's your opinion?
-- Getting Over Him (But Wants One More Slap)
Is revenge wrong? Well, yes. Should you let him have it? Well, yes! If exposing him will bring closure to the drama he has caused you, have at it -- as long as you don't dwell on it and allow revenge to consume your life. One good dose of strong medicine may cure the little bastard from hurting another. But remember, you did not get into the hurt and debt without allowing it, so you have responsibility as well for your own mess. Learn from your mistake.
If being gay is defined as two men being attracted to one another, then why do most of the gay men I see out and about act like women and run around saying they need a husband? The last time I looked in the dictionary, it said that a husband is a male and a wife is a female. I'm confused, please help me.
-- Language Barrier
Girlfriend, you're asking me? I wear a dress five nights a week! Still, to answer your query: We are given examples of the family (husband and wife) by society and we as gay men seek to fit into those boundaries -- hence looking for a husband. Why do some gay men act effeminate? Probably because our culture teaches us that women get men, and Lord knows that's what we want. Don't be confused, just a little more open-minded and a little less literal.
When I was in my twenties I was the one who was sought after for my body and not my brains. In my thirties I withdrew from the bar scene. I recently returned after a lengthy relationship ended and am amazed at the level of hostility we have toward one another without the benefit of getting to know each other better. I was hit on and gently rebuffed the advance because he wasn't my type, only to hear that I was missing the point of being a bear and was fat! I've read the handbook and I am a bear. But what's happened to gay civility?
-- Old School
Never fear, gay civility is still alive. Still, there is no greater pain than rejection. I'm sure that's what the advancer experienced with your rebuff, however gentle it may have been. The key to going out is to create your own party and fun -- and if that doesn't work, go to get in the way! Just be happy with yourself and the rest will be bear-able.
Give Miss Lena a piece of your mind. Wait, let's rephrase that. Let Miss Lena know what's on your mind, and she'll give you the fresh perspective that could be just what you need. Write to Lena today -- use the link at left.