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A guy I dated recently was really weirded out when I sent him a gift two-and-a-half weeks into the relationship. He couldn’t understand why I’d be doing it. Should I save my money in the future for, say, after the commitment ceremony?
Giving a gift early in a new relationship has been known to push many a skittish queen’s panic button. You know the type. He wants to take things slow — if he’s even interested in getting serious at all — so a material display of affection makes him worry you’re more into him than he’s into you. When you’re interested in someone, the greatest gift you can give is your presence. Now when it comes to presents, don’t get me wrong — diamonds are a girl’s a best friend. But when you hand them out like candy, they lose their luster. If, however, you can’t break your “sugar daddy” habits entirely and simply must hand out gifts early on, do keep in mind that simple is better.
My boyfriend talked me into bareback sex. We’ve dated for about three months. I no longer feel comfortable with it, and I want to go back to condoms. How do I tell him?
You tell him point blank. He felt comfortable enough to ask you to go bareback. You should feel just as comfortable asking him for safer sex. No love is worth dying for, except perhaps the love for chocolate.
What size bra do you wear?
Honey, if Victoria can keep a secret, then so should I.
Down in the Mouth
You suck! But not necessarily in the bad way you fear. Talk to your man and find out why he cannot cum when you give him head. Maybe he’s conditioned himself — probably unconsciously — to climax primarily from manual self-stimulation. It’s not uncommon, and he needs to open himself up to all the variety there is out there for popping your cork. There are books and videos on the subject that can help you hone your oral skills to meet his specific physical needs. Remember — you can always be better at it, and no one will complain. When you have done the best job possible, the issue lies with him. Either way, you have become all that you can be (and you didn’t even have to join the Army).
Summer is the time to be gay and carefree, my little melon balls! If you’re having trouble with the carefree part — hell, even if you can’t get the gay part right — Lena can help. Trust me. Send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org.
I’m white, but I only date Asian men. My friends call me racist. I say it’s just personal preference. What do you think?
I envy you. If I could find an Asian man to love, I’d save thousands of dollars in take-out. It’s all a matter of personal choice. There are countless factors that drive human attraction. Of course, it’s certainly not unheard-of for men to be attracted to Asians for stereotypical, unsavory reasons. But it’s just as possible to appreciate Asian men for healthy, respectable reasons. If you like Asians, and you respect what each individual brings to the table in a romance, have at it. Remember: With six you get eggroll!
I’m a serious person by nature, but nature also saw fit to give me a physical attribute which makes people not take me seriously. Everyone assumes a guy like me with a big dick must either be stupid or an asshole, or at least must have an attitude problem. It’s also assumed that if he’s friendly, he’s just being patronizing. To top it all off, a total stranger recently told me that he and his friends have always assumed that I’m an escort, the weird logic being that if you have a really big dick, you probably couldn’t do anything else but be a prostitute! Don’t get me wrong, I love my dick, but these stereotypes are getting to me. And please don’t tell me to just get over it.
Hung and Bummed in Dupont
I must say, I feel your pain. (Or at least I’d sure as hell like to be able to say I could, you urban stallion, you!) Envy is not a pretty thing, especially when it’s of the penis variety, and I’d venture to say that’s exactly what’s driving these negative vibes and silly rumors you’re getting from those around you. Rise above these small minds (not to mention other things, I’m sure) and be happy with everything about yourself! Body image is a huge measuring stick, so to speak, in the gay community, and if you allow others to make you feel inadequate, you’re buying into that misconception. Love yourself, and let your actions and good attitude shine forth. People worth knowing won’t have any trouble seeing the real you.
What exactly is “gay time”? I hate being early and waiting around for other guests before anything gets exciting. Please tell me so I never have to come prematurely again.
Capitol Hill Clockwatcher
If a gay man tells you the party starts at eight o’clock, don’t show up even one second sooner. If you’re truly early (are you sure you’re gay?) you’ll do more than just twiddle your thumbs. You could easily stress out the host(s) by barging in on last-minute preparations. Of course, gay men are notorious for floating in as late as they damn well please. You’re the one who’ll benefit by chatting up the smaller number of people who come on-time. But if you still find yourself feeling frustrated, here’s my formula: add twenty minutes to the starting time of any gay event, unless it involves dinner. The doll is not about to be late for a meal.
I’m always thrilled to hear about anything on your mind, so write to email@example.com soon!