Hearsay

Cobalt’s pride-filled circus, Velvet’s candy snatchersÂ…
Giant Lube, bigger-than-life Divas at the Festival… 
Lizard Lounge’s cruisy giveawayÂ…

Capital Pride is more than a one-weekend affair. Hearsay’s liver is livid with the overtime it was put through even before Cobalt’s "Circus" dance party kicked off the weekend. It was triply mad around 3:33 a.m. that evening, after shaved pate Nate "I Put the Men in Mennonite" Miller had poured Hearsay three too many Cape-Cods and Hearsay was lost at sea in the frisky dance floor. Well, hi fellas! You’re lookin’ swell fellas! Look at me now fellas! Hearsay was so plum-livered out that even the stale Wrights Pink Popcorn (which resembled a dry pink sponge), compliments of the Queer as Pink Sundance Channel, seemed remotely edible. Hearsay wanted to ride the thick corncob too, just like the impossibly blond-haired boy was doing in the cartoon graphic, all forward thrusting on the popcorn package. ("So Good!" it advertised. Not good it was.) Forward-thrusting through the crowd, Hearsay got friendly with DJ Rob "Muscles to the Beat" Harris. Hearsay doesn’t remember hearing Harris play Yoko Ono‘s "Walking on Thin Ice" dance hit, but Hearsay swears it saw a shirtless Ono downstairs on the couch at one point, with a John Lennon look-a-like. You may say that Hearsay’s a dreamer, but it’s not the only one. Hearsay imagined what it could do with two former Metro Weekly Nightlife coverboys prettying up the place. And Hearsay imagined ripping the pretty striped dress shirts off the fashionista boys spotted in the crowd. Cobalt’s general manager Ashley first appeared in a dream as a rainbowed peacock in drag, then later as a rainbowed cock getting dragged home by Hearsay. Life is but a dream, eh?

Reality set in fast Saturday, as the city’s Seattle weather pattern continued its cloudy, rainy ways. But the rain stopped just in time for the Parade Saturday night. This proves what Hearsay has suspected all along — GOD LOVES FAGS! Or, if not God, then at least Mother Nature, who as everyone knows does double duty as The Mautner Project’s Kathleen "Check Out My Live Cervix Cam Online" DeBold. Hearsay filled the liver up yet again, thanks to JR.’s David "Queer Beer Sold Here" Perruzza, who thoughtfully had a kegger outside his bar, for parade watcher sloshers. There was more beer than rain for a change all night, proving God LOVES disco! And Hearsay, though fighting a cough and cold, felt happy enough to be Out Loud! for Velvet’s Official Pride Party later that evening where Thunderpuss’s Barry "Tank Top" Harris and Chris "Bell Bottom" Cox worked out their happy muscular beats on the main dance floor. A word to the wise, though: don’t come to Velvet with halitosis. Or with a cough. Because gum, cough drops and pretty much anything else breathilizing are the latest to be confiscated by the club’s security. Hearsay went to investigate what a certain Fox 5 news anchor was doing at the club. But he couldn’t be found soon after he set foot in the place. He must have gone undercover, with a hidden camera. Hearsay just hopes his camera missed those priceless momentary lapses of discretion somewhere out on the dance floor. Andrew "Sneak a" Peak lost his boyfriend in the hot throng of sweaty mens. As it turned out, he was in good hands, those of Martin "Root Canal" Moeller. Hearsay set out to find some more good hands.

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Hearsay had run out of lube before Saturday night rolled around, but after Sunday, Hearsay is back to a near-year-long supply. Ah, the pleasures of the Pride Festival, the practicality of I.D. Lubricants! Did you see the slip-sliding sponsor’s big inflatable I.D. Glide balloon planted next to the stage? Yeah, okay, so you couldn’t miss it. Hearsay hears that it was later moved to the Justice Department, in support of DOJ Pride, which had just been officially banned days before. Was the balloon filled with lube? ‘Cause Lord knows Attorney General John Ashcroft needs to loosen up. We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it, Ash, baby. Or take a page from your favorite TV show and your favorite TV character, Lisa Simpson: "We are used to it," she says. "You do it every year!" Onstage, the D.C. Cowboys unwrapped from a bright yellow Big Gay Bag their latest routine, and our own 2002 Nightlife Coverboy of the Year Robb "Rico Chico" Keffer kicked up a storm in the group, especially when he ripped off his Big Gay Shirt. Sadly, Stephen "2002 International Mr. Leather" Weber didn’t heed catcalls to strip off the Big Gay Cowhide as he emceed the last hours of the day. But Pepper MaShay did drag out Weber’s boyfriend, DJ Blaine "Even Stephen" Soileau, to dance with her, subbing for a Chi-Chi La Rue porn star. Hearsay’d buy that video. Backstage, there was concern almost to the last minute that last-minute-addition Jennifer "You’re Gonna Love Me" Holliday wouldn’t appear after all. With a flight out of D.C. scheduled for 7 p.m. and the clock striking 5 p.m., Holliday rushed in and rushed out, and Capital Pride Director Robert "Happy Go Lucky" York breathed in and out sighs of relief. Another last-minute addition, Kenny "Little Voice" Taos, was a bundle of nerves. The former singing waiter had never sung in front of so many people before, and he had hoped to sing before the supersized Triple Ds — the Dueling Divas of Disco. In the end, he sang after the divas, but with just as much vim and vigor. He needn’t have worried about a thing, just as his manager/friend Karen "Ravishing" Robinson had said. York had a competent and capable crew of volunteers helping him with the entertainment lineup, including Chris "Cookie Jar" Dyer, Kate "Flash" Gordon and Marc "Tall, Blond & Handsome" Higgenbothem, last seen joy-riding around Pennsylvania Avenue in the Pride golf caddie. Early on Gordon, with fellow Pride volunteer Farrah "We Could Be Heroes" Darbouze, announced the winners of the Pride Parade: Best Float, for the second year in a row, Results the Gym; Best Foot Contingent, the Lesbian & Gay Big Apple Corps.; Best Spirit, D.C. Aquatics.

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This Sunday, June 15, Hearsay will pay anniversary homage to Mark "Gracious Beyond All Human Measure" Lee and the cast and crew of the weekly Sunday smash hit known as Lizard Lounge. The Liz is turning the Big 5 (it’s officially out of toddlerdom now), and is celebrating by giving away an all-gay Atlantis Barcelona Mediterranean Cruise (including round trip airfare!). You can enter online at www.TravelPride.com/Lizard Lounge, or in person Sunday night at the bash (where every guest receives one free drink of choice). The winner will be announced shortly after midnight.