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I am having trouble finding a gay male who is willing to date a female illusionist. I understand why guys are so quick to be stand-offish when the issue comes up, because there are so many drag queens out there who are so full of drama they make Jack on Will and Grace seem straight. While I understand this, when I am out of face I am not the drama queen associated with female illusion. I find I’m having to keep my part-time job a secret. My question to you is how wrong is it to keep something like this from a potential lover, especially when you’re one of D.C.’s top divas and very well-known in the gay community?
— Desperately Seeking Adam
Dear sister, remember that you have to be comfortable with yourself before you can become comfortable with anyone else. Hiding things or secrets about yourself is not a comfortable place to be. If drag is a source of enjoyment, then have at it — life is far too short to be held back by other people’s beliefs.
It has been my experience, however, that gay men do not like to date drag queens. And yet there are men out there who look beyond the makeup to the person underneath. You’ll find the right one. Remember, changing who you are to please another brings only resentment and bitterness. Your happiness with yourself will become contagious and attract your Mr. Right. If all else fails, go after the straight boys — they are all tops, and you only need leave the wig on. Thank you for your question. And if you would, please reveal yourself to me. I am dying to know which sister this is.
I am having such a difficult time meeting gay friends, not to mention a lover! I’m a pretty fun guy, but I wouldn’t describe myself as incredibly sexy — I’m much more romantic than a bohunk. It’s challenging trying to make friends at bars and clubs because the people I meet are exclusive and cliquey. Or they think I want them sexually and turn away. I get nervous initiating conversations that I fear have no chance of friendship, especially with my track record. What can I do? Where do I go? What do I say? Please advise!
You have to start with a positive self-image. If you think you are a "pretty fun guy," then let that light shine. Fun is one of those things that’s contagious: You start having fun and people will be drawn to you like flies to honey. Friends are hard to make in the gay community, but once you find them, they tend to be keepers. Put that fear and poor track record behind you — you should never keep score on past friendships. There has never been a friendship that I did not learn something from, and most of the time I learned something about myself. All of that is a gift. Occasionally you may need to find the return receipt for that gift, but most often it’s a welcome addition to your life.
I have been in a relationship for about two years now with my partner and I love him very much. But lately we have stopped having sex and I find myself looking at other men in the gym and wanting to play with them. What advice can you give me to put some passion back into my relationship?Â Or should I play around and hopefully not get caught?
–Bored and Horny
Start by asking yourself why the sex has stopped. You must talk to your partner about this, and tell him you want to have sex more often. Avail yourself of the opportunities that arise — and put some effort into bringing that excitement back. I do not think you should use this as an excuse to cheat. If you love him very much, then spark that fire once again. If, after making an honest effort to work things out with your partner and your needs are still not met, then perhaps you have grown apart. But until you communicate about the problem, you are selling both yourself and your partner short of happiness.
Got a problem for Miss Lena to solve? Write her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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