Hearsay: May 2009 Archives

Feline Waterboarding

Posted by Hearsay
May 30, 2009 8:11 AM |
If you know cats -- and Hearsay is not talking the musical -- then you know cats generally despise water. They'll do anything to keep out of it, including keeping themselves clean with the use of their own tongue, a trick Hearsay has been trying to perfect, still to fruitless avail. Nonetheless, here is a cat that apparently doesn't mind the big dip. It comes to Hearsay courtesy Scott "Precision Shot" Shumaker. If you've spotted a crazy video or Web site on your internet travels and travails, let Hearsay know about it so it can help spread the gospel.

The Return of Rauhofer

Posted by Hearsay
May 30, 2009 12:08 AM |
As far as Hearsay knows, Peter "I Love Vienna Sausages" Rauhofer hasn't been to D.C. since he spun for Cherry's main event a whole three years ago. So it's pretty momentous that he'll be here Saturday, May 30 for a "Summer Heat Special Event." Never mind that this is an ostensibly straight party, at a verifiably straight venue -- Ibiza Nightclub at 1222 First St. NE. Rauhofer's Star 69 Records labelmates' Samio and Nima Nas bbbbbb-- heck, they're his employees! -- will open for him, when the event kicks off at 10 p.m. Expect Rauhofer to go on around midnight, though a $4 special on domestic and rail ends then, so don't dilly-dally. The party ends at 3 a.m. Check out Ibiza's website to get reduced admission before 11 p.m.

Even if they can't take their shirts off, the gay boys will be out in force for this Grammy-winning gay dance music legend, trust. Hearsay will, too. When hot boys keep their shirts on, it adds a bit of mystery, and a whole lot of peekaboo fun. Not to mention, wandering glances from straight boys. Hearsay lives for such flirty friction.

Memorial Day Greetings.jpg

It’s Memorial Day Weekend, which only means one thing: Hearsay’s sad, because it never gets invited to the beach. (Thank you very much, Dave. You, too, Bernie and Mike. Some friends YOU are.) Look, Hearsay swears that incident with the seaweed, a sponge and saltwater taffy was a one-time thing. And yes, the streaks are long gone. But for some reason, the Rehomo boys don’t trust Hearsay.

But that's fine -- who needs ‘em? Because Memorial Day also means there’s a lot going on in town. There’s Black Pride, of course -- and Metro Weekly’s got your official guide to the event both online and in the magazine. But there’s plenty else happening too. You can start it off by seeing the bears come out of hibernation. Watch them tomorrow night wander a bit dazed and confused – first clawing over to the reigning “Real Man’s Happy Hour” at Cobalt, then picnicking at the upstart Motley Bear Crue Invasion at the brand-new Motley Bar, before mauling each other at the Green Lantern where “Real Men. Dance.” Ah, there's nothing like a good, manly bump and grind. If you need even more rump -- and a different kind of bare -- why not hump it over to Secrets for a final unwind? It’s not every week that DJ Steve “This is a Stick-Up” Henderson visits from Chicago. Just every month or so.

Speaking of special visiting DJs, Saturday night brings the circuit’s best to Town. DJ Abel “Don’t Stop Believin’” Aguilera only gets here once or twice a year, and you’d be sorry if you ever missed him. Though, of course, one good excuse for at least a late arrival to Town (don’t forget, entry there ends at 2:45 a.m.) is at Cobalt, where there's another edition of the fun and funky monthly Shift party, this time with DJ ReddAJ.

And with Monday a major holiday, Sunday’s like a second Saturday. You could check out the Memorial Day Taint at DC9, where the half-D.C., half-N.Y.C. act Children’s Crusade will spin electro party pop for the anti-kiddies. But whatever you do, be sure you hit the revival of D.C.’s premiere club party, Calor, which has found a new (and better) home in Apex. DJ Susan “I Know What It’s Meant for, But I Got Needs” Morabito is set to launch your summer with a bang.

Now, if only she could get Hearsay a beach invitation. Maybe some seaweed, a sponge and a box of taffy would do the trick? Perhaps it’s not such a bad idea after all...

The 17th Street Flash revealed...

Posted by Hearsay
May 18, 2009 8:31 PM |
But not unmasked...

Muscle March.jpg

A hilarious Japanese video game promo was brought to Hearsay's attention via Sean Bugg's Buggblog, which Hearsay reads religiously. It's for a new Wii Ware video game called "Muscle March," due out in June in Japan. Hearsay is especially partial to the swishy, Speedo-clad polar bear, but admits the game seems a bit frantic for Hearsay's gaming tastes, which run more along the lines of Cookin' Mama.

Head over to Sean's blog where you can watch the minute or so video in all its nutty glory. As Sean himself notes, "You'll be glad you did."

EFN Lounging

Posted by Hearsay
May 14, 2009 11:45 PM |
It's finally here. The opening festivities of The EFN Lounge & Motley Bar opening weekend festivities. The former Be Bar space officially reopens as EFN tomorrow, Friday, May 15, with a party featuring DJ Matt "Funk It Up" Bailer of Mixtape fame. Saturday night brings a dance party with New York DJ David "Just Dance" Marc and live visuals by AV Club. And Sunday brings yet another Atmos event, this one called Sanctuary and featuring Jason Horswill at the DJ booth. For further details and other events, be sure to check out the just-launched, ultra-slick EFN website . It'll make you feel drunk, or at least dizzy, just reading about all the happy hour plans and nightly parties you won't want to miss. Bill "Pour Heavy, Shake Light" Gray, you realize Hearsay's liver was just now finally starting to mend? Again? Oh well, have you noticed? This town is really buzzing again. Let's all drink to that....

Igniting things at Green Lantern...

Posted by Hearsay
May 14, 2009 11:39 PM |
Last Friday, Hearsay clicked on its ignition and drove over to Green Lantern. Why? Because "Real Men. Dance" was scrawled on a flyer for a new party called Ignition. And Hearsay loves real men who dance! Nothing like real men to get your motor running -- real men, of course, having become code in these parts for bears, or at least anything with fur that grrs and growls. Does that make Wolf "Howling At Technology" Blitzer a real man? Anyway, this new Friday night party is just the first of two new weekly parties to come from Rehoboth Beach staple Atmos Events -- and Atmos' Bill "Bay Bridge" Alldredge was naturally there, assiduously handing out flyers for both parties. Hearsay was pleased to see a couple "real men" take their shirts off as the evening wore on. Woof! And still many more were at least shuffling their feet to the happy beats from DJ Jason "Grin and Bare It" Horswill. Hearsay expects more will take to serious shirtless dancing as the party shifts into second and third gears -- the Lantern is, after all, this town's original home for shirtless drinking. And did you know the Lantern has made major improvements upstairs? They've installed better lights, sound, decorations and a raised DJ booth and platform. Now, if only they'd install a sling, a rim chair and a pinball machine. But still, it's the perfect way to start your new "real" weekends. The party starts at 9 p.m. and there's an open bar from 10 p.m. to 11 p.m. It goes into the wee hours of Saturday....

An Exciting Day, A Pointed Evening...

Posted by Hearsay
May 13, 2009 10:11 PM |

Last Thursday, May 8, was a big day for Hearsay, and its outlying universe. First, it was proud to see the magazine that gave it birth celebrate 15 years of publishing week in, week out, week in, week out. Of course, Hearsay hasn't been in every issue -- an extreme social lifestyle has its disadvantages, such as the retina-burning side-effects of morning light, rendering even the simplest writing assignment into a feat akin to climbing Mount Everest naked with only a rubber band and a toothpick -- but that's okay, Hearsay has had its day in print and is happily now ensconced in this digital world, which suits its excessive, hedonistic lifestyle just fine and dandy.

That said, Thursday was a big day for Hearsay. First, it was proud to see the magazine that gave it... oh, Hearsay already wrote that. See what Hearsay means? Excuse Hearsay while it downs a little hair of the dog....

Finally, Hearsay was thrilled to see its editorial tummy-rubber Randy "I'll Smile When I'm Good and Ready" Shulman selected by the D.C. society magazine Washington Life as one of Washington's Power 100. Shulman is on a list that includes Wolf "Arrooo" Blitzer, George "I've Been on the Cover of MW" Stephanopolous, Andrew "So Have I, Twice, and with an Interview" Sullivan, Joe "Hey, I've Been on that Cover Twice, too!" Solmonese, Eric "Helen, Have You Met Tony?" Schaeffer, Jim "Now We're Getting Somewhere" Graham, David "You Bet We Are, Jim" Catania, Hillary "Pundrity Is My Music Now" Rosen, Michael "Noel Coward Is My Secret Fetish" Kahn and Karl "The Sentinel" Rove. Okay, so no list is perfect. But Hearsay is astounded -- and thrilled -- over the preponderance of GLBT-ers on the list. We are indeed everywhere. Sometimes all at once.

So Hearsay decided to celebrate this triumverate of celebratory-worthy events by crashing the Point Foundation Fundraiser at the elegant D.C. furniture showroom of Mitchell Gold+Bob Williams, situated on 14th Street. Hearsay was greeted at the door by a pod of handsomely attired men who, it turned out, were members of that fearless "We'll Do Anything For Coffee and Donuts" group, The Burgundy Crescent Volunteers. God bless the darlings, you just wanna squeeze 'em until their eyes pop for all the wholesome goodness they do. After obtaining a nametag that bore the scrawl "Hear Say," Hearsay meandered through the crowd, seeking elite elbows to brush. It found many such elbows, including those of Mitchell "Our Original Family Name Was Bronze, but It Was Changed at Ellis Island" Gold, John "I'll Show You the Best Way to Manage Your Personnel" Berry, Tim "I Miss E.R." Price, Cathy "The Last Time I Wore A Dress..." Renna, Congressman Polis's Chief of Staff Brian "I Went to Jared!" Branton, Andrew "SMYAL When You Say That" Barnett, Eileen "Design Time" Kessler and Margaret "I Only Watch Movies With Homosexuals" Murray.

Glen "OUT Legal Eagle" Ackerman, a ranking board member of Point and a D.C. community advocate nonpareil, also cited by Washington Life as one of D.C.'s Power 100, later confided to Hearsay that the event raised over $30,000 for the Point Foundation, a healthy sum that will help further the organization's extraordinary work, which is to "provide financial support, mentoring, leadership training and hope to meritorious students who are marginalized due to sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression." Glen also confided that he's cooking something up for fall for Point that will knock our socks off. Hearsay can't wait!

Midway through the evening, following a genuinely moving presentation, which included heartfelt speeches by Berry, Gold, Point Foundation E.D. Jorge "Smart Start" Valencia and a few Point Foundation recipients -- Hearsay was sobbing into one of Mitchell Gold's satin throw-pillows by the end, giving it a distinctively fresh, watermarked look -- Hearsay found itself face-to-face with San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsome, a towering hunk (some might say he's the political equivalent of a tall, cool glass of milk, refreshing, good for you, and eminently drinkable). Hearsay found itself dumbstruck but still managed to burble, "Why hellooooo there, Mister Mayor. I really enjoy Rice-A-Roni." To which the Mayor may or may not have replied (Hearsay was too starstruck to remember clearly), "Why Hello back, Hearsay. I do, too. It is indeed The San Francisco Treat." Damn, that guy's good. No wonder he got elected. Can anyone say, goodbye Gov. Terminator, hello Governor Gavin?....

Spotted! The Flash on 17th Street!

Posted by Hearsay
May 9, 2009 9:03 AM |
The Flash.jpgThe superhero known as The Flash -- the fastest man on the planet -- was seen zipping around 17th Street this past Thursday night, May 8. Hearsay, who spends its life in an intoxicated blur, had no trouble seeing The Flash, since Hearsay's blur cancelled out The Flash's blur in a weird yet highly scientific case of blurry convergence. Of course, Hearsay is eager to uncover the identity of this red blur and is hard at work on the matter. Meanwhile, here's a pic snapped by one of one of Hearsay's intrepid spies. Would you look at the buns on that red-suited stud? Why, you could just squeeze them till they burst....