Hearsay: August 2009 Archives

Sean Bugg + Yellow Balls = CNN Spot

Posted by Hearsay
August 31, 2009 10:09 PM |

Hearsay's onetime rival, Sean "I Heart Rafael" Bugg (yes, there was a time long, long ago when Hearsay battled with the Buggster's notorious The Back Room column for supremacy), was spotted on CNN, hitting a few balls with something other than his chin.

Getting Frank about Fire Island

Posted by Hearsay
August 30, 2009 11:04 AM |
Barney Frank.jpg

Barney “Perfectly” Frank was all over the news a few weeks ago, as the House’s best jouster against shouting protesters at townhalls on health care reform. And yet Hearsay bets you didn’t hear where Frank actually washed up Sunday, August 16.

Hearsay was minding its business, paying no attention to anyone but the thousands of scantily clad, sweaty muscled gay men it was dancing with right on the beach in New York’s Fire Island Pines. It was a scorching humid, mostly sunny 90-degree day. At first Hearsay thought it was suffering a heatstroke when it saw what looked like Frank walking through the crowd in nothing but baggy shorts. Is that really? Could it be? Hearsay had to investigate. Yes, indeed, that was the genuine item confirmed a ticket-taking volunteer at the Ascension Beach Party, a benefit for the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force and Fund in the Sun Foundation. Turns out, the volunteer was just as shocked as Hearsay to see Frank there – and even more shocked to see him shirtless. Oh well, it proves that congressmen have nipples, too.


Hearsay had to take a breather and cool off in the wading pools that Ascension organizers had constructed. The party took place on a cordoned-off area of the beach, which you entered through a big white art installation in the shape of the letter A. Walking through was kind of like playing Hole in the Wall -- but much less challenging. Then came a sod-covered catwalk, flanked by two wading pools, the better to salve partygoers’ hot dancing feet. A large white-wooden dance floor was flanked by risers and ended with a DJ console, from which Tony “Beach Beatmaster” Moran plied his trade (or traded his ply, Hearsay really can't be bothered to recall). Kelly “Destiny’s Dance” Rowland performed in front of Moran’s stand toward party’s end, around 5 p.m. She sang two songs, the first of which was a forgettable ballad, while the other was “When Love Takes Over," billed by event organizers as “The Song of The Summer” -- and well, you know you just can’t deny.

The Sunday beach party is the main to-do at this now four-year-old event, but it has become a full Ascension Weekend. There was a private pool party Saturday afternoon, where DJ Kimberly S got happy. And then there were parties every night at the Pines Pavilion nightclub. And of course, Hearsay enjoyed lots of tea: Every evening brings Low Tea, Middle Tea and High Tea happy-hour events, right there at the harbor. Hearsay teed up and enjoyed meeting new friends and reconnecting with old. Among the many Hearsay chatted up: The Task Force’s Alex “Up And Away” Breitman and Michael “Winter Party Wonder” Bath, Richard “Eco, Wind & Fire” Cohen, Kevin “The City’s Next Big DJ” Graves and Timothy “Putting the G in Gynecologist” Ryntz. But of course, you can’t go anywhere without running into D.C. denizens. Sure enough, Hearsay enjoyed dancing with Clint “Spice It Up” Pepper, Mark “Little Red Firetruck” Lamont and Randy “I Love New York” Brown, all in town for the party. It was certainly one not to be missed....

Going to Town in our Undies...

Posted by Hearsay
August 20, 2009 7:10 PM |

What is it you shout when you want someone to get up the nerve to do something maybe a little bit crazy in public? Show more chutzpah? Be more ballsy?

Oh yes: “Grow a pair!” Well, grow ‘em and show ‘em, lads. No, not the gonads. The D.C. Bureau of Public Pubic Decency won’t allow that. They require that you tuck them away inside a pair of bottoms – that is, underwear. Tomorrow night, Friday, Aug. 21, Town is shouting for patrons to “show a pair.” Of underwear.

“We want an entire night of boys in just their underwear,” an official Town email commands. To help boys be more ballsy, the club is even growing pairs – they’ll give out 200 of ‘em in fact, provided by ELITE. So nevermind that you don’t like your own selection of Underoos – get your own pair of ELITE and you can change into them right there, at the club’s clothes check, set up just for the night. Hearsay’s already picked out the bottoms it’s coveting.

Whatever you do, don’t expect to just pose and gawk. DJ Seth “Buried Treasure” Gold promises a “pants-off dance-off"....

August Birthday Madness

Posted by Hearsay
August 20, 2009 7:02 PM |

August came in like a lion, and it’s still roaring – as it always is. Ah, all those crazy Leos and how they love to party!

This Saturday, Aug. 22, Hearsay will toast Keith “Catering Up A Stir” Petrack – but maybe this should be a roast? After all, the founding friend of many Friends of Friends is turning 50. Yep, the big 5-0! Congrats, Keith – you don’t look a day older than tomorrow! Petrack will celebrate his big size at a private party with Alan “Attack of The Mouse” Zaloum, who will celebrate his 40th birthday by preparing to move to Orlando. Oh, ah, magic.

But Hearsay’s been roaring all month already. On Sunday, Aug. 9, Rachel “I Am Leo, Hear Me Sing” Panay celebrated by inviting friends for a “semi-mellow” day of brunching at Circa and then early-evening cocktailing at Halo. Afterwards, she jetted – or at least Jetta’d – off to an undisclosed country respite, but only for a night. Why such a short spell? Because city lions don’t do moo-moos!

Two nights before, Friday, Aug. 7, Michael “Living Under Your Spotlight” Snowden invited some 60 or so of his closest friends to Apex to usher in his 32nd birthday. Apex’s General Manager Joey-“A” O “K” threw him a private party in the club’s video bar – now called, of course, the “East Wing Dance Lounge,” but still the same place Snowden actually tended bar many years ago. Back then, of course, the club itself went by a different name. Yep, he’s getting to be that old! Jeremy “Hey Yo” Yohe was on part-time VJ duty, screening many video blasts from the past decade. And Terry “Handsome Helper” Mullane tended the large bar alone. Even the DC Kings put on a fantastic show for the occasion – though technically the drag kings were out in the Main Hall, performing for the club’s popular Gloss ladies event, now bi-monthly, the first and fourth Friday of the month. Kings and queens, in and out of drag, and all in one place – oh what fun!

The night before that, Thursday, Aug. 6, came a Cobalt “charitini” for Andy “Der Kommissar” Phan and Damon “Cobalt TV’s Power Bottom” Dunham, who turned 36 and 27, respectively. They were out to prove that “We're not just greedy pretty bitches!" Indeed, they’re not. With a suggested $5 to $10 donation to enter the early evening private party on the club’s dance level, the two raised a total of $1,200 for Whitman-Walker Clinic’s AIDS Walk and Food for All. Cobalt even matched the donations. Why, ain’t that the giving spirit – like Christmas in August.

What will crazy Leos think of next? Well, they can only officially roar about their birthdays until Sunday, when Virgos take over. Look out, the Mercury is rising....

Gays just wanna have fun...

Posted by Hearsay
August 16, 2009 3:31 PM |

The third time’s the charm, so the saying goes – though Hearsay stands by the motto two-timing is under-appreciated. And so it was Wednesday night, August 12, the third summer in a row that Cyndi “All Through the Night” Lauper came to the area to rock in support of gay rights and her gay-supporting True Colors Fund. This time, she came to the best possible venue to see her -- the Nightclub 9:30. She absolutely rocked this “Girls Night Out” party – and to be more precise, it was more of a Gays Night Out. The good and gay packed crowd showed the Lady Lauper lots of love.

But they actually showed a little more love for Rosie “Moon over Miami” O’Donnell, who opened for Lauper with a hilarious 30-minute stand-up set. “We love you Rosie!” “Rosie, you look great!” came the shouts. And then there was the woman whose whistling catcall sounded like a dying cat. O’Donnell’s routine incorporated shooting down rumors claiming her 12-year relationship with wife Kelly is on the fritz, and funny anecdotes about her four children – most memorably about her daughter Chelsea’s first period, and her oldest, Parker, dreaming about an upcoming movie about O’Donnell’s life. “Kathy Bates is set to play you!” he ribbed. She had the crowd in stitches talking about being menopausal and getting “testosterone up the hoha.” “Kelly now has a moustache!” Ba-da-bum.

The show started more than 20 minutes late, and O’Donnell said it was because her flight down was delayed – she added that she would have missed the show altogether if it weren’t for the plane’s gay pilot who she said pulled some strings after being informed of her situation. Turns out, he’s a huge fan of Lauper’s. Atta boy! O’Donnell stayed on stage after her set, bantering with Lauper for a few minutes, then became Lauper’s second drummer for the first few numbers. She returned for the last few songs, for which Lauper also called out Rich “Super Tone Lock” Morel to play keyboards on the songs he co-wrote with her last year. Lauper tripped over her words a bit introducing him, calling the Blowoffleader a “Blowout” man. Well, they all gave a blowout of a performance, especially for the show’s encore. One guess as to that final number.

Immediately after the concert, Hearsay high-tailed it to Town for the official Girls Night Out after-concert party. Hearsay had so much fun, it can’t remember any particular details – such as, did Hearsay dance? Alone? How did it get home? And how did Hearsay grow a moustache overnight?....

EFN Breaks the (Jello) Mold

Posted by Hearsay
August 16, 2009 3:17 PM |
Jello Wrestling.jpg

”Wrestle you wimps!” the lesbian drill sergeant barked to competitors in last Tuesday night's Jello Wrestling matches at EFN Lounge . Actually, the yeller was Xavier “Power” Bottoms – which, as you might have guessed, is so not her real name. A woman named Xavier? A lesbian Bottoms? (Besides Sharon, of course?) When pigs fly!

Anyway, the lesbian-named-Bottoms had actually won last month’s inaugural tournament. She didn’t defend her title on this night – why would she want another 32-ounce bottle of Gun Oil or another year’s supply of condoms from DCFuk!t? Last month’s first-place haul should last her a lifetime. Instead, she assumed her perfect position: As the event’s referee, barking out commands.

This month's tournament featured eight contestants, paired against each other with little regard to differences in height or weight – Hearsay was sure hoping to see some nude weigh-ins, but alas nudity was nowhere to be found. The matches were held in three rounds, with the audience picking the winner of each if neither got sufficiently pinned. Out of 8 matches, only a couple ended in pins – and only one “needle,” if you catch Hearsay’s drift – and the crowd got to pick the ultimate fighting champion, the cutie-patootie Jason.

The event’s co-organizer Matt “Bam!” Bamford announced from the stage that next month's event will be Tuesday, Sept. 8, the day after Labor Day. And the fact that they’ve lined up some eight drag queens to go mano a mano, in full regalia, from wigs to fig leaves. Just when you thought this "sport" couldn’t become any more of a novelty....

Photo courtesy Matt Bamford.


DC's Got Gay Games Spirit!

Posted by Hearsay
August 12, 2009 11:09 PM |

"This city is hot right now -- in lots of ways." That's how Mayor Adrian "Heat Index" Fenty addressed the many hundreds of folks who braved the heat and the humidity - oh god, the humidity - in the early evening Monday night, August 10. It was the hottest day of the year so far. What better time for an outdoor pep rally in Stead Park to show the town's support for hosting the Gay Games in 2014? That's some serious sweat equity.

Boy, was it ever hot out there. Each participant got what organizing entity the Metropolitan Washington Gaymes were calling "rally towels," which reminded Hearsay of something else, but nevermind all that. Last night the cute li'l towels did double duty, as li'l flags to twirl in unison, and as handkerchiefs to wipe one's brow of sweat. Brent "But I'm A Cheerleader" Minor served as the event's main emcee, though he got a little assist from Robert "Here She Comes, Miss Gaymerica" York and ABC7 news anchor Leon "D.C. Rocks" Harris. It must be said, the microphone fit Minor's hand like a glove and he confessed to sleeping with it. But who hasn't?

In addition to the Mayor, Elliott "Convention Central" Ferguson of Destination DC and Robert "Go Team" Sweeney of the Greater Washington Sports Alliancewere on hand to show support for the effort and wow the visiting committee that will choose betwixt exciting, thrilling, clever, urbane, swanky, intelligent, intriguing, monumental, delightful, delicious, delovely Washington, Cleveland (in flat, dull, boring Ohio) and Boston (in flat, dull, boring Massachusetts) as host of the 2014 gaylimpic BIGGayGames2014RallyBW0160.jpgevents. President Barack "Health Matters" Obama wasn't, but four other U.S. Presidents were - specifically Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson and Theodore Roosevelt, courtesy of the Washington Nationals' Mt. Rushmore Presidents. Nationals' reps even set up a booth and gave out some swag.

DC's Different Drummers marched into the field to start the festivities shortly after 7 p.m., but soon enough they were replaced by a group of still more different drummers: the Batala Batala Women's Drum Corps, banging on all types of different drums - and only drums. This Afro-Brazilian-influenced troupe stole the show. They took their time beating down the runway on entrance, and took just as long to exit. The ladies even interrupted DJ Rosie's replay of George "Give For What You Take" Michael's "Freedom." (Get it? D.C. bidders are billing the potential 2014 event as the "Freedom Games": We won't let you down!) To her credit, Rosie, once they were out of earshot, saw the Batala Batala challenge, and she raised it "Boom Boom Pow."

The crowd was festive, especially considering there was no alcohol served on the premises. It was technically prohibited, though not all of those plastic bottles or coolers were pure, of course. Some contained Gaytorade. And no one was as festive - they never are - as the always-reliable fun-leading couple Michael "Finger Puppet" Ulrich and Paul "Finger Who?" Cooper. They each brought plastic bugles, and they bugled the night away....

EFN Hauls Out the Jello -- for Wrestling

Posted by Hearsay
August 10, 2009 10:43 PM |

Jello. It’s not just for dessert anymore. Now, you can wrestle in it.

Tomorrow night, Aug. 11, Matt “Slip N Slide” Bamford and Jackie “Wham Bam” Thompson, also known as Mr. and Ms. Capital Pride Leather 2009, will do just that at EFN Lounge. The pair's “Jello Wrestling” monthly event doubles as a fundraiser for the DCFuk!t safer-sex campaign and Brother Help Thyself. The two didn’t compete at last month’s first match because there was just too much pent-up demand from the audience. Who knew so many regular folk wanted to get giggly with the jiggly?

No, they don’t actually use the jello you grew up on – though Bamford will create jello shots, at a dollar a jiggle. “Trust me, regular jello stains. I was once pink for a week,” Bamford says, recalling an earlier encounter with the silly sport. Purchased from JelloWrestling.com, the event’s gelatinous goo is “safe, non-toxic and organic,” Bamford says. In the future they hope to have drag queens competing, but for now the show is only hosted by one, Regina Jozet Adams.

Anyone -- man or woman -- so inclined to compete should bring the right attitude and the right gear. For men, that means a Speedo, or even a leather jock; Women should wear a sports bra to avoid what Bamford describes as “nipple action.” First place earns a 32-ounce bottle of lube from sponsor Gun Oil and a year’s supply of condoms (365, to be exact) from DCFuk!t. Second place earns a $50 gift certificate to the Leather Rack and a DCFUk!t tee. The match doesn’t get going until 10:30 p.m., but the evening goes quickly: Bamford, a former state champion from North Carolina, says wrestling tires most people out faster than they expect.

Registration starts at 9 p.m. Donations of $2 will be collected at the door....

WTF happened Thursday Night?

Posted by Hearsay
August 8, 2009 9:20 AM |
WTF 1 Town.jpg

It’s taken Hearsay nearly 36 hours to recover, but finally all that deliciously evil vodka imbibed at Town Danceboutique Thursday night, August 6, has worked itself out of Hearsay’s system. And did Hearsay mention that plate full of deliciously fattening cookies that the Cookie Monster was passing out? Hearsay has been purging those ever since.

Yes, you read right: the Cookie Monster was at Town on Thursday. WTF? Exactly! It was the second iteration of the club’s new first-Thursdays monthly party WTF, “the party where anything can happen, anything.” Cookies were served, and the Monster danced and of course tickled Tickle Me Elmo, who was the celebrity du nuit. (Alas, Bert and Ernie never showed. Maybe they were too busy making whoopee.) DJ Mikey “Mr. Clean” Adolphson took turns spinning slighty off-kilter dance-pop tunes with Town’s own Ed “I Talk to My iPhone” Bailey. Hearsay sure did enjoy mingling with all the Town-folk – even though it can’t remember their names now. Was it Dylan, or Rob? Michael, or Maynard? Can Hearsay just call you humpy?

Anyway, if you weren’t there, you missed a great time. And next month’s should be even crazier, and it's set to take place on Thursday, Sept. 17, the very same day that Metro Weekly's 16th Annual Fall Arts Preview hits the streets (Hearsay is still not above a shameless plug for the publication that feeds it). Be sure to take Friday off, however, so you don’t have to do like Hearsay and barely make it through work. But thanks to a little friend named Valium, Hearsay’s already ready to do it all again....

[Photograph by Ward Morrison/Metro Weekly]


Have you sailed up to Provincetown yet this summer? Sure, you’ve already missed the annual P-Town Bear Week, where D.C.’s own Blowoff bears, Bob “We Won’t Break” Mould and Rich “Man With The Red Face” Morel, spun for the event’s annual excursion to the Boatslip. But there’s still plenty of fun to tickle your hide this last month of summer – whether you want to see Varla Jean Merman or Naked Boys Singing or Lily Tomlin.

Hearsay is actually still savoring its annual trek last month to the liberal retreat, a gay haven, perhaps the nation’s finest. Funny fact: Did you know the Pilgrims arrived in the village in the early 1600s from Holland, which the Brits fled once they couldn’t take it anymore that their children were picking up liberal Dutch customs? Oh, the irony. Hearsay picked up that tidbit on a stroll through the Provincetown Museum at the Pilgrim Monument. It gave extra-special meaning to a week of frolicking by the pool at the Boatslip with hundreds of men in nothing but suntan lotion and skimpy swimsuits – not to mention cruising the “Dick Dock” late at night. Hearsay’s catchphrase of the week: “This shot is for the Puritans!”

Hearsay was specifically in town for the resort’s always-wild July Fourth Festivities, capped by David “That’s My Power” Flower’s Summer Camp circuit parties. Hearsay’s favorite trip of the week actually took off at Cape Air’s airport hangar, located inside the Cape Cod National Seashore. Why, as a matter of fact, Hearsay did feel like flying! Montreal DJ Mark “Leave The World Behind” Anthony piloted the crowd on a journey through space and time – or at least, sound, from disco at takeoff, to a cruising altitude of moody electro-pop, with occasional flourishes of thrilling techno turbulence. But the next day, it was all aboard the Paramount II for the Sunset Boat Cruise, a truly fairy ferry full of merry Marys! DJ Roland “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” Belmares spun the happy tunes that made D.C.’s own Shane “Sweet Dream” Maye and Paul “Beautiful Nightmare” Drebs shake their bodies down to the ground, along with Matthew “Dare to Dream” Trone and LOGO TV’s own Itay “Brand Name” Hod, to name just a few out of many hundreds of boys. Flower’s business partner Kiki “Kick It” Herold gave away free bottles of water and Gatorade toward the end of the four-hour tour. Aww, what a gal!

That evening’s barhopping ended at the Atlantic House. The dance floor was so packed with shirtless, sweaty bodies, it was boiling. Afterwards, the so-fresh-they’re-wet stampede commenced the nightly pizza dance to Spiritus Pizza – yummy, cheesy goodness at 1 a.m. Later in the week, Hearsay spotted D.C. residents Todd “Rooty” Daves and Kurt “Tooty” Elam, along with D.C. regulars – but technically Norfolkians – Todd “Fresh” Jacobs and Shaun “Fruity” Garrity. They were all parading down Commercial Street late at night wearing bright orange HRC tees, with cropped sleeves. The shirts trumpeted the news that they are “Yay Gay.” In case their hips lied.

But in this Massachusetts town, everyone’s at least a little gay. Go see for yourself, all ye gay little pilgrims.

[Pictured: The Boatslip. Source: The Provincetown Tourism Office.]

America's Got Talent -- and Divas!

Posted by Hearsay
August 5, 2009 2:40 PM |

Hearsay was distraught when the clearly talented and vastly entertaining Diva League -- Shi-Queeta-Lee, Ba'Naka, Akasha Cassadine and Jessica Spaulding with an assist from the X-Faction Dancers -- who perform weekly at Town Danceboutique, failed to get chosen as one of the final 40 acts to advance into the show's quarter finals. (Oh, yeah, but that little Billy Elliot clone -- no problem, let's just sail him through, he's so cute and bland.) So imagine Hearsay's tremendous surprise when, on last night's show, a call to the AGT judges from executive producer Simon "Adios Abdul" Cowell forced the judges to reconsider as "wild cards" eight acts that had been dismissed, the Diva League among those. Two of the eight acts performed last night: the Diva League and Lake Houston Dance, a busload of dancing and pillow-fighting little girlies. How adorable. Gak.

Tonight, we’re gonna bring it,” the Diva League cried out in unison before performing. The guys -- er, girls -- opted for a gothaholic, vampire-inspired motif, setting their performance to Rihanna’s Disturbia. Crotchety judge Piers “The Darkness Is the Light” Morgan gonged in with a buzzer before the chorus, but both David “I've Got Cobwebs for Brains” Hasselhoff and Sharon “I Married a Rock God” Osbourne loved the “fabulously camp” production. You can watch the Diva League’s entertaining performance below, but be forewarned, the imbecile in the control booth directing the camera angles clearly had no clue how showcase dance acts. To call the direction of America's Got Talent appalling is an understatement. Half the time, the director cuts to the balcony to show us what it might look like if ants took to wearing costumes. Still, Hearsay enjoyed the vamped up Divas -- call it a camp transfusion -- and was especially impressed by Shi-Queeta-Lee's classy, elegant restraint after Piers, in a crass, uncalled-for moment called the girls a "bunch of tired, old drag queens." Somebody give that man an ass-whupping! Though Hearsay suspects Piers might enjoy an ass-plowing a little more.

Only five of last night’s twelve acts will advance. So did the League bring it enough to wow the voting public? Well, Hearsay voted its allotted 10 times. (Cut 'n Paste on the iPhone! Hooray for technology!) Hopefully tons of others did as well. We'll have to tune in to NBC tonight at 9 p.m. to find out. Stay tuned...