Metro Weekly

Un-scary Movie

Wes Craven Presents: They

Regan and Marc Blucas

Wes Craven Presents: They is a lumbering, dull excursion about creatures who cause night terrors in children and, for some unexplained reason, return years later to reclaim their now adult victims.

The movie centers on Julia Lund (Laura Regan, whose frantic performance dives headfirst over the edge into comedy land) as she tries to avoid these creepy crawlies, who prefer dark places like the backs of closets and the alternate universe that exists behind medicine cabinets.

Director Robert Harmon whips up a few intense moments — including an unnerving encounter on a subway — but They never amounts to very much. (Freddy Krueger, Freddy Krueger, wherefore art thou?) The movie ends with a kicker that left a  Saturday night audience loudly expressing their dissatisfaction.

Wes Craven ought to be ashamed to prominently slap his name on a film with which he had so little to do. It’s pure, shameless hucksterism, and it leaves you with a feeling that you’ve been suckered. Well, you have. NBC’s Fear Factor is more terrifying than They.

Randy Shulman is Metro Weekly's Publisher and Editor-in-Chief. He can be reached at

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