Metro Weekly

Truly Yours

Bum advice for married men? Burned by a bad relationship? Why gay men act the same?

Truly Yours by Lena Lett

Dear Lena,

You gave bum advice to "Happy Married Bi." As a gay man who prefers men in relationships (either with another man or a woman), it’s hard to say who’s using whom. I’ve found that my best sex partners aren’t men I’d ordinarily hang out with socially, while the men whose company I enjoy are either lousy in bed or our sexual tastes are not compatible and compromise just leaves everyone unsatisfied. Besides, if  you’re just looking to get off, what difference does it make whether he’s in a relationship with someone else? I’m rather happy to leave his partner to handle his care, feeding and baggage. I don’t want to marry him, I just want to fuck him. Maybe you should add Sex Buddies: Erotic Stories About Sex Without Strings to your reading list.

–Buddy, not a Boyfriend

Okay, let’s take a deep breath, calm down and untangle that knot in your tighty-whiteys. I have answered this part of that question. If you just want to get off, then do it. Knock yourself out. But, if you start revealing details about your life and self, you are setting a stage for something else beyond a casual, one-time sex thing. You forget that the original question was, "Why do gay guys go crazy when I tell them I am married." And the answer remains, because you set the stage for one thing and then you change the focus. You cannot have your cake and eat it too.

Dear Lena,

I guess that I just don’t have any understanding of the whole dating/relationship thing, and it’s bugging me. I somehow ended up in what I thought was a relationship. It turns out that I was wrong. The guy was a liar and user. He was lying to and doing three other guys at the same time as me. Needless to say I was angry and hurt when I found out, and finally got the courage to get this guy out of my life. The problem is that now, any time I meet a guy with any potential at all, I completely lose interest and run. It just seems like I’m wasting my time and ought to just accept that for some of us romance and love just aren’t meant to be.

–Burnt and Confused

Oh, despondent one. Put that bastard out of your head. You cannot allow his sins to carry on to the next relationship. Each person is responsible for themselves. By running away from a potential mate, you are allowing that lying user to win and depriving yourself of happiness. Do not wallow in things that "aren’t meant to be." Open yourself up to the opportunity and things that are — you only limit yourself by turning away others because you believe it’s your lot in life to be alone. The next time you have the urge to run, plant your feet firmly and meet life head on.

Dear Lena,

Most gay men I meet, whether in bars or in chat rooms or at parties, all seem the same. I don’t mind so much that they all look alike, but I get annoyed with the herd mentality. Is it an unwritten law that gay men must like Cher and Madonna or think the same way on political issues? Maybe I prefer to listen to Creed or Kid Rock. And maybe I do agree with Republicans on some issues. Why must I get berated by the herd for thinking on my own? Gay men like to pride themselves on being "cutting edge" and "creative." Don’t you think it’s about time they started acting like it? Whatever happened to individuality? Remember when gay men used to celebrate that?

–Mold Breaker

Well, Miss Thing is not happy and she’s going to let you know it! I agree we should celebrate our diversity instead of clinging to our likenesses. When you have a group that’s been oppressed and ostracized by the rest of humanity, it becomes clear why we cling to our similarities, and gay men have done so for years — have you heard of the clone look in the seventies? Within our own group we should take more enjoyment from our diversity. So be who you are honey, and be proud of it because at the end of the day, you are the only person you have to answer to. But Republicans? Come on now!

Truly Yours,


Got a problem for Miss Lena to solve? Write her at

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