Metro Weekly

New Know-Nothings

When idiots shout, keeping quiet won't save the rest of us

During the weekend, a friend posted the ”Teabonics” set of photos, again making the rounds, to his Facebook profile. I couldn’t help but make a crack about the people with the misspelled signage likely being the sort who would also oppose any increase in federal education funding. Ha, ha.

I was one-upped by the next posting, hilariously tongue-in-cheek: ”We can’t allow the invasion of illegal immegrants to trepass and disobey our laws! Without laws we will have CHAOS & WITH CHAOS COMES FEAR – AND THEN MARTIAL LAW = our FREEDOMS GONE!”

The really delicious touches were ”immegrants” and ”trepass,” much less the nutty sentiment.

Turns out, however, it was sincere. My friend who made the initial posting sent me a message privately, explaining that this was someone he met years ago when he served in the Air Force.

Fine. It’s open season. For the sake of civility, I’ve always considered it in poor taste to brandish my less-than-mainstream opinions. In the age of Tea Partiers, however, my nod to keeping conversations tactful and calm is merely quaint. Take another friend of mine: In an elevator, he ran into some tourists who’d made the trek to D.C. for the self-pitying display of Beckapalooza.

”Are you going down to the Mall?” they asked him.


”Aren’t you afraid of having all your rights taken away??”

”I’m gay. I don’t have the same rights as you. Yet.”

God bless him for his retort. But who the hell would make that sort of inappropriate small talk with a stranger in an unfamiliar city?

If I’m to get with the program, I’m going to have to be far more forceful about things that wouldn’t pop out of my mouth till after the fifth drink.

I’m very curious about vaginal fisting. Who does that? I’ve heard of it, but is it as gay with the girls as it is with the boys? Maybe it’s a myth. I’ll just have to wait till I’m in an elevator in Little Rock to find out, I guess.

Conveniently, Media Matters just posted a list of items Fox personalities have called for doing away with in the months since Barack Obama became president – like the Civil Rights Act and the Department of Education.

You’ve read the Tea Party signs, Mr. Beck, and would advocate the end of the Department of Education? I could see how this might increase your ratings, but not better the country.

But if you can make such galling comments, why am I being reserved?

I believe in one-world government. Granted, I want it to be based on the U.S. Constitution, but one-world just the same. Borders are stupid.

I believe the world is very overpopulated and that fears of diminishing birthrates are hogwash. If you’re worried about declining births, open the border. There are plenty of people to go around.

I believe in taxing the rich. I don’t know how this country got to be so top-heavy, but it’s making us more a manor than a democracy. And for every self-centered asshole who considers himself or herself to be ”self-made,” please consider that luck and circumstance are probably far more powerful than your work ethic. And if you were so convinced it was simply a matter of trying hard, than stand with me in demanding equal and quality educations for all kids, rather than tying public educations to property taxes, which I believe is a criminal way for a society to treat its youth.

There’s not enough room for me to rant as much as I’d like, but I’m just getting warmed up. And if it’s to be a ranting new world, I will miss the quiet, but I refuse to keep my mouth shut and be drowned out.

Follow Will O'Bryan on Twitter @wobryan.