Metro Weekly

Coverboy: Bryan

A rock climber, DJ, and Maryland native who is also studying social work

Coverboy Bryan - Photo: Julian Vankim
Coverboy Bryan – Photo: Julian Vankim

Bryan loves climbing. Nearly more than anything else. “It’s very meditative,” says the 33-year-old. “You’re doing a lot of thinking, a lot of body movement, and you’re just completely in the moment of that activity.” He’s also quick to note the sport’s health benefits are all-encompassing: “It’s aerobic, it’s cardio, it’s strength training, it’s endurance.”

The Maryland native started his rock-climbing career in 2011. “My friends were all just unreliable,” he says. “I thought to myself, ‘I’m going to do an activity where you can actually count on people.’ I looked up rock climbing and found a gym near my house. Went by myself and fell in love with it.” Bryan, who thinks nothing of confronting a 65-foot rock wall, engages in competitive climbing as well, and is in the process of organizing a gay league for the sport in D.C. as well as training for the 2020 Tokyo Olympics.

Currently finishing a degree in social work, Bryan frequently DJs around town, notably at Green Lantern, Cobalt and Code fetish parties. “My playlist doesn’t have a lot of remixed music,” he says. “With me, you’re going to hear Beatles, Rolling Stones, ’80s rock, anything disco. Things that you can work out to, dance around in your underwear to, or have sex to.”

Coverboy Bryan - Photo: Julian Vankim
Coverboy Bryan – Photo: Julian Vankim

What’s on your nightstand?
Computer, phone, and stacks of papers.

What about the nightstand drawer?
Everything and the kitchen sink. Expired batteries, a bottle opener, paper cutter, and stationary.

Wait. Why do you keep expired batteries?
Because I’m too lazy to throw them out.

It can’t be that far from the nightstand to the garbage can.
It’s on the other side of the bed.

You’re a guy who will climb a 65 foot wall but won’t throw a battery out because the trash can is on the other side of the bed?
I’m not perfect.

Coverboy Bryan - Photo: Julian Vankim
Coverboy Bryan – Photo: Julian Vankim

Okay, then. Are you a night owl or an early riser?
Night owl.

What’s the last thing you bought?
A unicorn raft.

You’ll need to explain that.
It’s for our gay camping trip this weekend to West Virginia. I decided to get a big floating unicorn raft.

Coverboy Bryan - Photo: Julian Vankim
Coverboy Bryan – Photo: Julian Vankim

Because there’s nothing like floating down the river in a unicorn so as not to draw the attention of mountain men with rifles. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
Self-healing. In case I do injure myself, things will heal up faster so I can get back to it.

That’d come in handy after the mountain men shoot at you. What are you currently binge watching?
Real Housewives of New Jersey. I really think to know the gay facts of life, you have to watch the Real Housewives.

How does that teach you the gay facts of life?
If you go to a charity function and have a bunch of drunk women there, and one of them has a fake leg and she throws it across the room, you know exactly what to do when you have the same situation happen at HRC and a gay guy with an amputated leg causes drama and throws his leg in the middle of the room.

That would certainly liven up their National Dinners. Name three musical artists you’re currently listening to.
Florence + The Machine, Lorde, and Muse.

Three favorite night spots?
Bear Happy Hour at Town, Trade and Number 9.

Coverboy Bryan - Photo: Julian Vankim
Coverboy Bryan – Photo: Julian Vankim

What’s your drink of choice?
Vodka soda. Although if you want a creative answer, rum and champagne. That’s if I want to get trashed. I call it “Rumpagne.” I took a half bottle of champagne and filled the rest of it up with rum. Instead of diluting your booze with mixers, you just put more booze into it.

Pick three people, living or dead, that you’d like to have Rumpagne with.
Patti Labelle, Leslie Jones, and Melissa McCarthy.

What’s your pet peeve?
Inconsiderate people.

What’s your favorite food?
Key lime pie.

What kind of animal would you be?
It would be a hybrid — part canine, part sloth.

Boxers, briefs or other?
I only wear underwear if I’m trying on pants legally. It’s a health hazard if you don’t.

How is that a health hazard?
If the person doesn’t know how to wipe well….

Got it. Grindr, Scruff or in person?
Scruff. I find I get a lot more reception from people on an app as opposed to in person.

How many dates have you had so far this year with guys that you’ve met on Scruff?
Dates or hookups?

Let’s go with dates.

That’s a lot of dates.
It’s just to actually meet up with them, just to see who they are.

How many of those were good dates?
A majority. I think maybe I had one or two awkward ones, but I don’t write it off completely. I figure, let’s try it a second time. Maybe the first time was just bad timing or something. They become friends or occasional lovers.

If you met the right guy, would you stop dating?
I lean more towards polyamory. It would have to be a group consensus where if I’m with someone and they’re interested in that same person. The number just gets bigger and bigger at some point.

Have you been in a polyamorous relationship?
Not yet. I have a couple friends in other cities where we’ve all actually hung out and done God knows what together. We all keep in touch with each other. We all have that same mentality.

Describe your dream guy.
Athletic and challenges themselves.

Define good in bed.
Versatility and never dull.

What’s the most unusual place you’ve had sex?
A department store restroom. Wasn’t my choice, but the guy was like, “Meet me here,” and I’m like, “Oh for fuck’s sake. Can’t we just go to your place like normal people?”

What department store?
Dick’s Sporting Goods.

Appropriate. What’s the most memorable pick up line you’ve ever heard?
“Do you want to Netflix and chill in my mouth?”

Coverboy Bryan - Photo:  Julian Vankim
Coverboy Bryan – Photo: Julian Vankim

What’s your favorite makeout music?
Anything slow, metal rock, where you have just the driving bass going.

What’s your dream vacation?
Being in the woods on a lake in a kayak by myself.

I’m guessing not a unicorn kayak. Apple or Android?

Marvel or DC?

Star Trek or Star Wars?
Star Wars.

The old Ghostbusters or the new Ghostbusters?

You can’t choose both.
I’ll go with the new one then.

What’s your greatest fear?
Isolation. It’s dehumanizing.

What was the name of your first pet and first street you grew up on?
Max and Tern.

That’s your porn name. What would you be known for as Max Tern?
I’d be known as the awkward guy. Kinda sexy-ish, but more comedic relief and just being awkward.

Because in porn, that’s an asset.
Personally I would love to see more of that than just the obligatory, “Let’s have sex.” I’d like to see a person fall down by accident. If you can’t laugh during sex, then what’s the point of living?

Does size really matter?
No. If they actually get there, that’s what really matters.

What would you like to be remembered for?
Helping others.

What do you like best about your life?
I like being a lot more laid back these days.

There’s no danger of you throwing your leg across the room.

What would you like to improve about yourself?
I don’t like that I occasionally compare myself to other people in terms of seeing how I measure up to everybody else. It’s taken a long time to get past that, to say, “This is where I am in life, why am I not where they are?” That’s done more harm than good. Climbing has helped a lot with that mindset.

Would you rather live longer or be wealthier?
Live longer. For me, wealth doesn’t matter. I like to keep things very simple.

What’s your philosophy of life?
Be open-minded and be kind.

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