Hockey Player Says ‘Heated Rivalry’ Inspired Him to Come Out
After years of playing while closeted, Jesse Kortuem says the HBO series Heated Rivalry helped him finally reconcile his identity with the sport he loves.
Jesse Kortuem, a hockey player who has competed in several adult leagues but never at the professional level, says he was inspired to come out after watching HBO’s Heated Rivalry, a romance centered on closeted gay hockey players.
In a Facebook post, Kortuem recalled growing up in Minnesota as the youngest of four boys and playing hockey from a young age, while struggling to reconcile his love for the sport with his sexuality.
“To any hockey player, the sounds of the rink and the feel of cold air are unmistakable. The slapshots, the pucks hitting the boards, the skates carving fresh ice, and the high-pitched clang of a puck hitting the post bring immense comfort,” Kortuem wrote. “For a long time, however, the rink did not feel like a place where I could be all of me. I felt I had to hide parts of myself for far too long.”
Kortuem struggled with feeling different but never felt he could be open about his sexuality, citing a lack of positive representation and fears of being socially ostracized. At age 17, he walked away from hockey despite his love for the sport, citing “a myriad of reasons.”
Kortuem returned to hockey as an adult, playing for teams in New York and Atlanta.
“On the outside, I was still a top-tier player. On the inside, I was still that kid in Minnesota hiding,” he wrote. “Like many closeted athletes, revealing who I truly was to my team would change everything in an instant, their opinion of me, could bring negative attention to the team with the ‘gay player,’ so I never took the chance.
“I spent every week in a locker room with guys I respected, yet I still did not feel safe enough to tell them who I truly was. Even when the conversation turned to wives, families, or dating, I would quickly change the subject. If it came down to it, I would just tell them I was single, even when I was seeing someone.”
In 2017, as Kortuem debated whether to quit hockey altogether or remain closeted while continuing to play in straight leagues, he decided to sign up for the Sin City Classic, an annual January tournament in Las Vegas for LGBTQ hockey leagues — though, as with many gay sports leagues, it included a number of heterosexual players.
Kortuem currently plays with the Cutting Edges Hockey Club, an LGBTQ hockey team in Vancouver, Canada, where he has built friendships with gay players from teams across the region. Recently, the club hosted its Winter Classic in Sun Peaks, British Columbia, an event during which he finally reconciled his identity and realized “that there is room for all of us on the ice.”
Kortuem ended his post with a word of encouragement for athletes still in the closet or struggling with their feelings, telling them they are not alone and that they will “get through this, and it is going to be okay.”
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