Metro Weekly


One in Ten's Museum Project, Blowoff with Morel at 9:30

One In Ten gathers the artsy fartsy folk in support of their
Museum ProjectÂ…
Blowoff plans a temporary hiatusÂ…

Have you ever considered how a night out at a gay bar can and often does resemble a day strolling around a museum? At the museum you see one proclaimed masterwork and think, "You call that art? I could do that." While at the bar you see one proclaimed hottie and think, "You call that art? I could do that." Or you see a fine specimen and you scrutinize it for hours: at the museum you analyze how it looks hung on a wall, while at the bar you analyze how he would look well hung.

That said, Keith "Everyone’s Gone to the Louvre" Clark fully appreciates the similarity. And last Saturday, May 15, he corralled one hundred or so others to prove to Hearsay that others do as well. The occasion was local gay culture vulture One In Ten‘s fundraiser for its Museum Project and its grand plans to create a National Museum of Homosexual Objects d’Arte. Rumor has it the museum will be known as The Rainbowtorium, and will carry the subhead, A Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Questioning Gender Variant and Friends Museum of All Things Rainbow Brite. Planned exhibits include "So Over the Rainbow: A Study in Greytones," "Hidden Rainbows in Dutch Masterworks" and "The Fruit Stripe Pony: He Plays for Our Team." One of the most eagerly anticipated installations will be a ten billion dollar diorama entitled Late Night Woodsy Adventures featuring a fully pose-able Kevin Spacey figure who gets hustled out of his cell phone and then trips over his dog, banging his head on a Rodin-inspired rock and ending up in a compromising position, at which point squirt guns come into play. For the gay Trekkies out there, the museum will offer a hands-on "Please State the Nature of the Proctological Emergency" hosted by a hologram replica of Richard Gere. And the Gift Shop will sell nothing but Colin Winterbottom’s Snowy Washington Postcards. For the event, Carolyn "Precious Gemstone" Lochhead turned her spacious Upper Northwest home into a virtual museum, complete with many art pieces on display, none of them velvet (okay, only one of them velvet, but those card-playing dogs are so cute!). The pieces were part of a "live auction," as opposed to a dead auction. If One In Ten Master & Commander Carlos "Picasso" Arias were a museum piece, what would he be? Hearsay’s guess is a Rembrandt. Or a Chagall. Or a Matisse. Or a Warhol. Or a finger painting by Madonna.

You know, perhaps "virtual" isn’t the appropriate word to best describe Lochhead’s living museum for a day, since the Museum Project is aiming to create an actual Virtual Museum — by way of the Internet — before it ever even gets too serious with concrete. It’s working with local museums and local gay organizations around the country to develop exhibits that could travel the nation. The first of these is to be next year’s reported "Erecting Pride: Our Penises, Ourselves" to be curated by Bruce "Supervixen" Vilanch (who everyone knows is really Chi Chi LaRue with her pubic hairs pulled up to her ears). Saturday night’s fundraiser took in $15,000 to help subsidize the costs of buying frames, nails, hammers, scissors, Elmer’s Glue, all the things you need to construct an art exhibit. Among the artists whose masterpieces were sold: Brian "Broad Strokes" Petro, K. Mitchell "Fast Focus" Snow and Kimberley "Glazed Over" Bush. Hearsay adored the brownies and petit fours and crème puffs provided by CakeLove, a place where you will never find a Hostess Ho-Ho, but not far from the street where you used to find plenty of plain ol’ HosÂ…

Later that evening, Hearsay descended into the 9:30 Club’s dungeon of desire, its basement of basic instincts, its pit of titty-twisting, otherwise known as its Back Bar. Every Saturday night, it packs in the butt boys who flock to the sounds of DJs Bob "Boom Boom" Mould and Richard "Zoom Zoom" Morel, musical celebrities who throw a cause celebre invitingly called Blowoff. Morel joked that each week draws a different scene. One week it’ll be "metrosexuals," the next it will be "heterosexuals," the week after that "polysexuals," and the week after that "gollygeesexuals." Sometimes even bears venture into the woods in search of Morels. Christopher "This Magic Moment" Vazquez is one who regularly storms these prime picnic grounds for quality pop music. Morel and Mould even play their own tracks, since each is an acclaimed independent musician. Morel, he of the unmistakable, ominously mellifluous voice, leads his own dance-rock group (they’re called Morel, duh), while Mould is the formerly Minneapolis Sound indie-rock legend behind Husker Du, but these days the tremulous tenor is submerged in dance music, recording and remixing as himself and as LoudBomb.

The two are finishing up work on their very first Blowoff artist album of dance music, and both are promoting solo albums over the summer, which is why this Saturday, May 22, is the last Blowoff party until fall — well, except for the occasional special event around town. Mould, who was out of town last Saturday, wrote on his well-rounded "Boblog" — a guilty pleasure for any local nightlife regular — that they’re planning some surprises for the night. But when Hearsay asked, Morel wasn’t sure what Mould meant. Perhaps the surprise has to do with the pair spinning in the nude, a la Sunday Mass? Perhaps everybody will get naked! Maybe it will be a big naked sendoff for Blowoff. Let’s just hope the Metrosexuals don’t get stiffies…


Cherry Weekend, Green Lantern, Club Ten, Crew Club

A sassy, saucy Cherry 9 weekend…
Three remain smoke free…
The Crew Club gets wet…

It was a girl’s night out last Sunday at Cherry 9’s Closing Event. And Hearsay does mean girls for once, not just the usual girly boys: Alyson "G Is for Girl" Calagna was on the decks of the main floor at the gorgeous nightclub known as Dream, while Lena "Aubrey on Steroids and Extra-Estrogen" Love took to the stage in the buff and showed off her buff feminine physique — including those soft, fluffy parts generally not seen by gay male eyes (who, by the way, would prefer to not see them lest they burn their retinas). Finally, there was Staci "Girl with the Long, Luxurious Hair" Morgan was doing her volunteer magic. ("And for my next trick, I’ll pull a rabbit out of this — hey! The rabbit died! Uh-oh.") And then there were several beautiful female bartenders serving up drinks on the second floor, the first clue that the space is normally a straight club. (The second clue was the beautiful male bartenders unaccustomed to male patron catcalls.) Actually, it was a banner year for Cherry Blossom Girls, with Friday’s third annual Women’s Night at Thunder Grill — which benefited the Mautner Project for Lesbian Health, the girl-powered organization run with an iron fist and an occasional velvety thrust by Kathleen "Thunderthighs" DeBold — the most successful ever. Still, Cherry, at least from Hearsay’s perspective (not to mention prurient desires), remains the place to go to play with the boys, their stems and their soft, squishy fruits. (Betcha didn’t known Hearsay can tie a knot in a "stem" with its talented tounge, which, by the way, goes over really big at SigMa gatherings. "Ooo! Ooo! Do me next!") On Saturday, Cherry transformed — really, truly, and this is not a joke — the club known as Nation into a grand adventure the likes of which Washington sees all too rarely. Bravissimo to Cherry events director Colin "Ectomy" Stewart. Kudos to Cherry Chair Joe "Big Mac" McCall. Fu-fu too to Saturday Night co-chairs Blake "Sweet" Persick, Michael "Sour" Sasser and Daryl "Maraschino" Crouse. Cherry rolled out the candy-striped carpet in the foyer, also resplendent as never before with other party decorations and potted plants that made you feel you were entering Hedon’s hideout. Hearsay’s highlight of the evening, though, was the patio, burst wide open for the occasion yet partly and discreetly covered due to the perspiring sky. The other highlight of the night: the Cherry 9 dancers, up on the boxes off the dance floor sported itty-bitty cherry-red bikinis that kept slipping dangerously low, almost revealing the plump, luscious fruits dangling just south of their loins.

The evening’s performance of De La Guarda was the most talked about event since Moody "The Mummy" Mustafa‘s Sweet 16 Birthday Bash, held in 2575 B.C. at Club Tut, a (back then at least) freshly constructed Egyptian Pyramid and Dancemporium. Anyway, De La Guarda’s extravagances commenced in three acts, the first happening just after midnight and featuring several boys contorting above a white sheet suspended above the dance floor. They slowly cut into the sheet, causing it to rain red graffiti on the party boys below. Cover your drinks! Cover your eyes! Don’t stand there with your mouth gaping wide! Bruce "Smile" Weiss was one person wise enough to step out from underneath, before ending up with red rum. For the second act, the De La Guarda boys scaled up and down and all around the backstage wall. And then they returned once more, just before the sun was shining anew, and proceeded to flap themselves against a cushioned sheet, causing quite a slap. It was all kind of strange. What wasn’t strange were the efforts of Tony "Pocket Rocket" Moran, who spun up a frenzy in the DJ booth, where Cherry 9 artist coordinator Don "Fox" Trott was seen hanging out. And let’s not forget hostess Lena "30 Going on 13" Lett, who looked ravishing, as always.

At Dream on Sunday night, Blaine "I Like Getting Naked" Soileau was feeling a little nauseous after spending four hours on the Spirit of Washington boat for the annual Cherry River Cruise and Pie Hole Toss. The boat didn’t draw as many people as it should have on what turned out to be a gorgeous sunny day, and Soileau suggests it was because people wanted to rest up. Of course they did. If one was so inclined, a Cherry popper could have pooped himself out, spending all but three and a half hours out and about between 10 p.m. Saturday night through 5 a.m. Monday morning — seeing as how there were five official Cherry events in that time span. Hearsay failed to find such a popper pooper trooper, though Chadwick "Bing" Cipiti must have come the closest. And Paul "Meringue" Marengo wins the volunteer trooper of the weekend award, since he seemed to be working everywhere at once (of course, rumor has it he comes from a family of clones). Soileau’s SundayMASS DC went strong this weekend — with DJ Paulo, also spotted later at Dream — even though Cherry had its own afterhours at Platinum, which Hearsay hears was also a success.

And Friday night might have been your last chance to come to Club Ten, if you can believe the rampant scuttlebutt all weekend. Since Hearsay only exists because of a deep-seated rumor-mill in this town, it’s happy to give you the scoop on the weekend’s big buzz-buzz: Club Ten is allegedly being bulldozed. No one was clear on the whys and wherefores, though it was cited as one reason the club wasn’t officially serving anything alcoholic other than beer. (And that also explains why Club Ten promoter Mark "Gesundheit" Sniegoski has been AWOL for months.) Anyway, Club Ten was a fine venue for Cherry 9’s opening party, where Christian "Blooming" Flores was one volunteer bartender, Dean "Money Bags" Hodgson was one volunteer bill collector, Aron "Would You Buy a Cherry From this Man?" Wilson was one volunteer hardy partier, and Woodie "Happy and" Neiss was one volunteer shirtless hottie among many Hearsay saw all evening, working the dance floor to DJ Chad " Basement" Jack‘s crazy ole school love musicÂ…

Hearsay has to admit to a recent addiction. Two words: Green Lantern. And four more: Especially on Thursday nights. Still one more: Grrrr. And speaking of addictions, the Lantern staff smokeout has come to its end after three months. Greg "Sing Me A Song, Gracie" Zehnacker and two other employees were the only three who made it all the way and are now officially smoke-free. No more hacking for them! "We’re going to take the money we won for going the three months and probably go to King’s Dominion," Zehnacker cheerfully told Hearsay. A ride on the Hypersonic XLC should leave them gasping for breath, alrightÂ…

And finally, a few nights ago, The Crew Club held an invitation-only cocktail soiree to launch its new "wet area," featuring an enormous nine-person shower area that opens out to the lockers and a new lounge area (complete with posh furniture from neighboring Maison 14), an expansive steam room, and an improved sauna (although Hearsay is not quite certain how one improves a room full of hot rocks). Call it a water park for men! The cocktail party attendees were a little surprised when they were handed towels and keys to a locker and told to, ahem, dress down. Still, the towels were securely affixed (nothing popped through the folds, as far as Hearsay could tell) and the elite group of fifty or so enjoyed an elaborately catered affair and compared nipple hair. Among those gay glitterati attending: Mark "Aviance" Guenther (who shaves his nipple hair) and Brad "Marketing" Harris (who doesn’t) and some guy named Glenn (who donated his nipples to a charity)Â…

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