Metro Weekly

Daily Trumpspiration: Be a star!

We offer words of wisdom and inspiration from a man beloved by David Duke.

Let’s be honest: The current GOP presidential candidate is a font of inspiration to us all. He’s a brilliant leader brimming with an overflowing charitable heart and razor-sharp business acumen, a source of unmitigated joy to followers of David Duke everywhere. Over the course of his 70 serene and generous years on this environmentally-sound planet, he’s espoused so many ennobling, learned nuggets, we could fill a (sure-to-be-forthcoming) Trump Presidential Library with them. Seriously, we could.

As our nation enters the home stretch of this historic 2016 presidential race, we thought we’d help things along by offering you a Daily Trumpspiration, something to reflect upon and ponder, something to think good and hard about as you edge closer to that all-important voting booth on November 8 to decide the fate of civilization as we know it.

Daily Trumpspirations can be found here on our website, Twitter feed, Facebook page, and even Instagram account (#dailytrumpspiration). You’ll also find an entirely different Daily Trumpspiration in our email The Feed, so that you can have even more Gospels of the Donald delivered to warm your unworthy hearts. It’s almost as though God were talking to you — if God were a misogynistic, bigoted, self-promotional, bullying, lying schmuck with delusions of grandeur and tax returns that turn accountants who gaze upon them to stone.

On the extremely remote off-chance Donnie boy sheepishly drops out of the race, we’ll just switch to the GOP heir apparent, that super-swell, amazingly tolerant Indiana Gov. Mike Pence

Here’s your first Daily Trumpspiration. Go forth, children, and spread the word. Like the plague.

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Click here to listen to the full NSFW audio.

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