"I told you she didn't have a dick."

A line from one of Lady Gaga's butch and busty prison guards in her new music video, "Telephone." It debuted today and featured a shot of the nearly nude Gaga's not-so-private regions. The colorful, movie-inspired video seems to borrow heavily from director Quentin Tarantino's tough-n-sexy chick flicks, and and the final shot even includes the yellow "Pussy Wagon" seen in "Kill Bill." This second collaboration with Beyonce also features actor Tyrese Gibson, and some campy Madonna-like acting from Gaga herself (not to mention some shameless commercial plugs for Virgin Mobile, Diet Coke, PlentyofFish.com, Wonder bread and Miracle Whip). Despite being nine and half minutes, it's sure to be an instant internet sensation. It moved to the #1 spot on iTunes videos sales in its first few hours. As far as gay content, Gaga's same-sex kiss, some dancing kitchen boys, and an appearance by "Queer Eye's" Jai Rodriguez will easily amuse her core audience. (LadyGaga)

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''There certainly is a Tarantino-inspired quality in the video. I mostly love the way he uses different forms to create something new. His direct involvement in the video came from him lending me the Pussy Wagon. We were having lunch one day in Los Angeles and I was telling him about my concept for the video and he loved it so much he said, 'You gotta use the Pussy Wagon.'''

Lady Gaga speaking to E! Online about how she obtained the "Pussy Wagon" for her video "Telephone." The video was directed by Jonas Akerlund who also directed her video for "Paparazzi." (E! Online)

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''Gaga was a high-risk DVT case so she was advised to change out of her clothes. But the outfit was so cumbersome she needed help changing out of it. She was particularly miffed about ditching her heels. She was wearing them in memory of her friend Alexander.''

An anonymous "airline source" quoted by the The Sun, a UK tabloid, which is reporting that Lady Gaga's outfit caused a potential health emergency (deep vein thrombosis). Allegedly, the outfit featured pieces by Alexander McQueen, the late gay fashion designer who took his own life earlier this year. In other Gaga news, it is reported that Gaga's songs will be included in the music library of the video game Rock Band next week. (The Sun)

Crack is back tomorrow night at Town with Fairy Tale inspired madness. Hearsay secretly -- okay, not so secretly -- obtained a list of the scheduled performers from Shea "Butter" Van "Shoe" Horn and here it is for all to see:

Grant Barker
Zack Rosen
Rachel Panay
Sunrize Highway
Steve Scarlata
Scott Shumaker
Karen Shultz
Blue Ball Rooth
Cookie Buffet
Jason Neal
Matt Bailer
Bil Todd
Brandon Neukam
Dean Barnes

See anyone you know? That's right Cookie "Dyer Straights" Buffet is making a long-overdue return to performing. Of course, there are a bunch of other people as well, but frankly Hearsay is stoked about Cookie. The question is, will Cookie be served with cream?....

Crack happens Saturday, Feb. 27, at Town, 2009 8th Street NW. Doors at 9 p.m. Show at 10 p.m. Admission $10. MOre info at crackdc.com.

Hearsay sends VD kudos (that's the Valentine's Day kind, not the kind that makes your wee-willie-winkie turn black and fall off) to the 18th & U Duplex Diner. Last Saturday, Feb. 13, the Adams Morgan mainstay held its annual Valentine's Day is a Drag benefit, and raised $5,000 for the Clinton Bush Haiti Fund and the Humane Society, with the funds earmarked for Haitian Earthquake Relief. "The money was raised essentially one dollar at a time," marveled the Diner's Eric "My Beef has a First Name: Angus" Hirshfield. Which stands to reason, of course, since Sir Hirshfield marshaled a bevy of drag performers and servers -- including Wilma Fingerdo, Alma Chillren, Kandi Dish, and the always-effervescent Peaches -- to pry the cash out of a constant onslaught of patrons' willing hands, wallets, clutch-purses and extremely well-concealed moneybelts. (Remember: The best drag queens can sniff a dollar hidden in even the deepest, darkest of orifices.)

Hearsay was eager to watch video from the event, but a search on YouTube for Valentine's Day is a Drag only turned up the following fetching pre-publicity gem. Hearsay wonders what it might get if it types the same search string into XTube....

Valentine's Day is a Drag 2010 Promo

Hearsay just got an exclusive sneak peek at the impressively uber-love-themed playlist devised by Ed "All You Need Is Love" Bailey for tonight's Valentine's Day edition of WTF? at Town Danceboutique and all it can say is that Hearsay is now extremely eager to get an easy lover into a cupid's chokehold, after which it will fly high on the wings of love before being unceremoniously coerced into a bizarre love triangle causing a total eclipse of the heart, followed by the ultimate realization that love is a battlefield whose defiant cry -- on Valentine's Day, at least -- is a loud, resounding "I want candy!" Hearsay will then retreat with a pizza-stuffed bear into a scarlet red love shack where it will warble a (very) different kind of love song....

WTF? VD Edition: Tonight, Sunday, Feb. 14, at Town Danceboutique, 2009 8th St. NW. Doors at 10 p.m. 18 and up. $5 cover.

Hearsay is absolutely thrilled to report it will be business as usual in all the clubs and bars around D.C. this weekend. And with Monday being a holiday, there's a whole extra night of fun and frivolity!

Here are just a few highlights:

Apex is holding a Mardi Gras Ball tonight, Friday, Feb. 12, featuring a best-costume contest and a crowning of King Apex. Free masks will be handed out to the first 100 revelers through the door, while more than 50 pounds of Mardi Gras beads will be doled out throughout the evening. Oh, yeah, and there will be a balloon drop at 1 a.m. DJ Yiannis is spinning in the main hall, while DJ Michael Brandon is helming the East Wing.

Strong with the Latino Valentine spirit, Club Fuego offers up a red and white party -- Amor -- tonight, Friday, Feb. 12, at its customary berth, Club Aqua. Marilyn and Samantha Sulay will perform alongside the Queen of the House, Gigi Paris Couture.

And now, for its Spanish readers, Hearsay will translate the above Club Fuego paragraph into Latin-American Spanish with the aid of a free online translation tool:

Fuerte con el espíritu latina de Valentino, el Club Fuego ofrece arriba un partido blanquirrojo -- Amor -- esta noche, el viernes, 12 de febrero, en su litera de costumbre, Agua de Club. Mara y Samantha Sulay realizará al lado de la Reina de la Casa, Alta costura de Gigi París.

Whee! That was fun! Hearsay can't wait to try the Greek option! But for now, back to English....

Cobalt celebrates the one-year anniversary of its popular monthly Asian dance party, a/Zen, tomorrow, Saturday, Feb. 13, featuring Carl Michaels at the DJ station. On Sunday, Feb. 14, the club teams up with promoter Sean Morris and Capital Pride for a special edition of X. Entitled Boyfriend or Toyfriend, the evening will feature DJ Andre Xcellence upstairs and DJ Glanson Labarrie down below at 30 Degrees.

Town Danceboutique will have its first-ever Grindr party tonight, Friday, Feb. 12. Then tomorrow, Saturday, Feb. 13, it's a HeartTHROB party with the heartthrob-worthy DJ Scotty Thompson. And on Sunday, Feb. 14, Town presents its latest foray into surreal clublife with a special Valentine's Day edition of its always-surprising WTF? Sunday, Feb. 14. Hearsay has learned there will be an appearance by a bear named Teddy, a special, heart-ripping performance by Summer Camp, and a blush-worthy appearance by the two "Taylors." At some point in the evening, DJ Ed Bailey will call for something rarely done in a nightclub, something so unusual everyone who partakes will come away feeling extremely loved.

Finally, Ziegfeld's/Secrets is celebrating its first anniversary in its newer, bigger, lavish digs this Saturday, Feb. 13. There will be drink specials, drag performances by Ella and her Ladies of Illusion, and an appearance by Miss Gay America Coco Montrese. Of course, there will be plenty of Secrets boys on hand -- strapping, handsome young men who just can't wait to shed their blizzard-garb after a week of throwing snowballs and get down to showing the world what a real birthday suit is made of.

For a look at what's happening at all the bars throughout the weekend, click here and browse to your heart's content.

This is Hearsay saying, drive safely, drink responsibly, and most of all, have yourself a merry little Valentine....

Or, as they say in Hungarian:

Biztonságos vezetésére, ital módosítja, és a legtöbb, magad is vidám kis Valentin....

Hello? Hello? Anybody out there? Not even a maid?

Finally!!! Hearsay thought it would never get out of that sling!

There Hearsay was, holed up in yet another sling at the tail end of last weekend. You know, Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend. It was the final year the Washington Plaza Hotel was to serve as MAL’s host hotel – next year, flirty festivities happen at the much-larger Hyatt Regency Capitol Hill. And Hearsay was determined to take in every last inch of it. Some poor, unsuspecting family checking in for the week would have been in for quite a shock – it wouldn’t be the first time – if Robert “Wonder Woman’s Wonderbra” York hadn’t been an angel and rescued Hearsay from the sling. (He was here, there and everywhere all weekend, but why there, then? Don’t ask, don’t tell!)

This year’s event was more low-key than last year’s, when leather lads and ladies butted up against Obama Inauguration revelers, and space and time were at a premium. But still, there’s never anything low-key about Leather Weekend. Hearsay made its first of many weekend short stomps from the hotel to the Green Lantern on Thursday for SMDF. What’s that? Sling Masters of Dallas-Fort Worth? S&M Disco Floggers? Sucking Men Disease Free? Sure, but officially, it’s Shirtless Men Drink Free. It was so hot and packed upstairs, Hearsay wanted to take off more than just its shirt. Jayson “Let’s See ‘Em” Watson, naturally, got several men to do just that, with his weekly best-of contest. But there was more to come at the DC Eagle that night, when a huddle of hotties, including Damieon Pit and Frank “Chicago’s Finest” Guerrero, paraded around in nothing but a jockstrap. Nice to see ya!

As the weekend wore on, Hearsay saw lots more men in jockstraps and less – and what a sight to see! There was much man meat – and all kinds of play – on display at the special MAL edition of EFN’s monthly CODE party Saturday night. But except for every few minutes or so, when a security staffer walked through with a flashlight, it was hard to see upstairs in the party’s “dark room.” Did they forget to pay the light bill? Is that you again, Mr. York? Is there someone else with you? Well, Hearsay must say, even in darkness and fog, Jacob Nathaniel “Submission Wrestling” Pring and David “Leather Dominator” Merrill sure proved they got the goods to throw a wonderful, wild party. (And the party is going national, with Code at Large throwing parties in Philadelphia and New York in the coming months.) From flogging demonstrations – no surprise, Nicholas “Pup You Up” Baatz whipped the loudest – to bondage play to Jake the Barber giving buzzes to fit fellas looking especially tackle-worthy wearing nothing but singlets, they definitely kicked the weekend into high gear!

Hearsay also stopped by Blowoff Saturday night at the 9:30 Club, where a less wild but no less wonderful and certainly more woofy crowd got its groove on. Now residing in San Francisco, Bob “District Line” Mould came back to town to spin with Rich “I Love The Way That You’re Breaking My Heart” Morel. Hearsay enjoyed seeing Keith “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Daddy” Iams, John “Twist and Shout” Thurman and Ron “Sure Looks Good To Me” Brown. And then there was Mr. Hoist Leather Steven “London Daddy” Dwyer, in town to serve as a judge for Mr. MAL. Try as Hearsay might – as much as Hearsay begged – the dreamy Dwyer never would hoist it. Come on, mister! It says so right there in your title!

The next night Hearsay would return to the 9:30 Club for the MAL Reaction Dance, the closing party of the weekend. The crowd was as hot and frisky as ever, with seemingly everyone fully harnessing the weekend’s last official gasp. Paul “Young At Heart” Dreps was there celebrating his birthday weekend alongside his man Shane “My Life Would Suck Without You” Maye. Lots of other nasty pigs were in attendance, including the head Nasty Pig himself, David “Chain Gang” Lauterstein. DJ David “One Love” LaSalle turned out as fantastic of a set as Hearsay can remember at Reaction, especially as the night wore on. LaSalle played one song or remix after another that Hearsay had never heard out at a club, from R.E.M.’s “Losing My Religion” to Susan Boyle’s “Wild Horses – yes, really! And former Tracks and Nation lighting guru John “Turn The Lights Off” Niederhauser reminded Hearsay of how much he’s missed around these parts. When he’s on lighting patrol, pay attention. He be-dazzles the hell out of the place.

But that’s all just the tip of the iceberg – or the crotch of the chap, as it were – of Hearsay’s weekend, which also included the requisite stops at Saturday night’s “high leather” Leather Cocktails party – previewing next year’s space at the Hyatt – and Sunday’s Mr. MAL Contest, again at the 9:30 Club. And then there were hours of trying on stuff at the Washington Plaza’s leather market – “How does this cock ring work?" "Does this rim chair make my ass look fat?” — and still more hours milling about the hotel’s lobby all weekend long. But that’s enough to give you a taste. Some things are better left unsaid and unseen....

Hearsay got this in its email just a few moments ago and thought this was important enough to share with those of you who are interested in volunteering...

4TH ANNUAL CAPITAL QUEER PROM - CASINO ROYALE "To benefit T.H.E. Wanda Alston House" Saturday, March 13.

CALL FOR CAPITAL QUEER PROM VOLUNTEERS!!! Earn your ticket to prom... There will be a volunteer information meeting this Sunday, January 24 at The DC Center , 1810 14th Street NW, Washington, DC. 2 to 3 p.m. All are welcome! For more information feel free to email info@boimarketing.com.

PROM TICKETS ARE ON SALE NOW!!! Tickets are already selling! Tickets can be purchased online and starting in February at the HRC Store in Dupont Circle. Note: Tickets must be purchased prior to the event. They will not be sold at the venue.

For event information, please visit the Capital Queer Prom Headquarters here.

The popular everything-gay gossip blog Queerty quite ecstatically notes that the latest preview for the new Jim Carrey/Ewan McGregor film, I Love You Phillip Morris is out, out, out about its main gay storyline.

The new trailer for Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor's love-dramedy I Love You Phillip Morris makes no attempt to hide the fact that this movie is about two dudes falling in love. And in creating the trailer to be seen by American audiences, there's no hiding the gay romance elements: Meeting in prison (holding hands!). Exiting prison (with a bear hug!). Moving in together.

Queerty also points out that the original trailer, "created for an international audience," featured some "stererotypical gay elements" that "have been yanked." The latest trailer is below, but visit Queerty to read their entire post and watch the first, even gayer, trailer.

Hearsay is rummaging through its lipstick, rouge and wig collection to find the best match so that it can hopefully snag the $250 top prize in the inaugural So, You Think You're a Drag Queen? at Town Danceboutique. The monthly contest kicks off Saturday, January 2, 2010, at 11 p.m., at the popular nightclub and features as this month's celebrity guest judge Bebe "I Know I'm a Drag Queen" Benet, winner of RuPaul's Drag Race. Benet is also scheduled to perform.

If you're interested in competing, come by the Town (2009 8th Street NW) by no later than 10:15 p.m. on January 2. (Doors open at 10 p.m.) Town's Ed "Add Another Decade to My Decades Roster" Bailey says contestants needn't arrive in drag (unless they want to), as they will be provided with minimal dressing room space. However, if you're going to enter, keep in mind you will need to supply your own wig, make-up, props and draggitude.

Contestants will compete in multiple performances, feats of agility, and attitude battles. Tonight's winner will be crowned by the audience, so plan on bringing along a big cheering entourage. At the year's end, all the monthly winners will compete for an Ultimate Grand Prize of $2,500. You could buy a lot of rhinestones with that kind of cashola...

You may recall that Hearsay mentioned the other day a local D.C. gay bar was rumored to be undergoing a name change. Well that news became rumor no longer as of 12:13 a.m. this morning, as it was announced via press release that Halo would change its name to MOVA come Friday, January 1, 2010.

In the release Timur "Diamonds Are Furever" Tugberk, the establisment's new media contact, writes:

The event is the beginning of a year long process...to institute a philosophical shift in corporate culture and set the foundation for national expansion of a new entertainment concept.

“Our objective is to introduce a new and exciting entertainment concept brand for the LGBT community,” [said] Babak Movahedi, Owner....

This new concept is designed to further engage the local LGBT community through philanthropy, community outreach, and will include many green and sustainable practices. This will combine our staple upscale lounge environment while providing an outlet for our patrons to give back to the community on a quotidian basis. It will be incorporated into our corporate culture to utilize MOVA employees to take part in community out reach and services to benefit our surroundings.

The release also alludes to "national expansion into other major markets." Could that mean Halo Miami is similarly getting the MOVA treatment? And what about New York? Chicago? Sweet MOVA Alabama? And Kansas, too?

As for where the new name MOVA hails from? Hearsay may not know the meaning of the word "quotidian" (it believes it to be some sort of Star Trek alien), but it knows how to spot four letters in a string of eight pretty handily. Let's just say as a young gossipmonger, Hearsay was an expert at Jumbles.

Pictured: Movahedi with Tim Gunn, December, 2008. File photo by Ward Morrison.