Hearsay

While you're out there web surfing, Hearsay strongly urges you to click here and check out the hip, frantic, eye-popping clip for WTF?, a new monthly party debuting at Town Danceboutique tomorrow night, Thursday, July 2. The evening is being hailed as "the party where anything can happen, anything," including, "a gingerbread man having his way with a rabbit," "Marylin Manson handing out KFC," "Summer Camp tag teaming with Ed Bailey," "Lady Blah Blah getting what she deserves," and the Demon channeling Annie Lennox.

If you haven't dashed off to watch the video -- which is not recommended for those prone to Grand Mal seizures -- you can simply visit www.omgWTFdc.com.

Doors open at 9 p.m., cover is five smackeroos. Hearsay can't wait to see WTF WTF? is about...

Did you happen to watch America's Got Talent last night? If so -- and if you didn't blink -- you should have seen a couple familiar faces.

No sweetie, The DC Cowboys were on last year. This year's high-profile gay D.C. contingent to appear on NBC's novelty act show was a smattering of Town's own drag queens and dancers. Shi-Queeta-Lee, Ba'Naka, Akasha Cassadine and Jessica Spaulding are the Ladies of Town's Diva League who performed alongside seven X-Faction dancers. In the spring, they auditioned at the National Harbor for the show's producers, who sent them on to perform at New York's Hammerstein Ballroom for the show's judges, David "I Heart Talking Cars" Hasselhoff, Sharon "I Heart Bumbling Rockers" Osbourne and Piers "I Heart Simon Cowell" Morgan.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Osbourne enthused after the Diva League performed a high-energy lip-synched and choreographed routine to the Pussycat Dolls' "When I Grow Up." The televised version went by so fast, all you're likely to remember is host Nick "You Got Me Feeling Emotions" Cannon wincing after a couple of the X-Faction men did the splits at song's end. All the judges seemed to agree with Osbourne, and said they'd see the Diva League in Vegas for the next round of competition. But Lee tells Hearsay "they lied." A show producer called Lee last week to let them know to stay put -- they'd found other groups "just a little bit better" to send on to Vegas and the next round. On Lee's personal Facebook page, the drag queen is encouraging fans to generate popular demand for the Diva League to compete by leaving comments on the show's website. Why not try? They were entertaining.

If you missed it, you can see the full episode online; the Diva League's performance is a little over eight minutes into it, after only one commercial break (yes, even online) and a yo-yo man....

All this time Hearsay thought it was a professional drunk. But one night’s whirl around Baltimore set it straight. Those gays in Bal'mer sure know how to drink! Hearsay got pushed repeatedly in the crowd at Baltimore Pride’s Block Party last Saturday evening, and then got sprayed with beer on the dance floor at Club Hippo. One patron apparently mistook her bottle of booze for a glow stick, and just started flinging it around to the dirty beats of DJ Tracy “Gaga Lady” Young. Why, wasting beer like that is alcohol abuse, plain and simple.

Beyond the occasional bump and wet backside – par for Hearsay’s course, of course – Hearsay sure did have a charming time in Charm City. Dale “Hot N Cold” Janni and Tracy “Garden Guardian” Noell played wonderful hosts, escorting Hearsay around the Mount Vernon gayborhood. Hearsay had as good a time as ever dancing at the Hippo, which, per-Pride custom, was pretty much taken over by D.C. Screens around the club early on projected the message “DC in the House,” which someone had sent to the club’s text message number. Hearsay was happy to see, to name a not-quite-random few: Michael “Quality over Quantity” Scott, Paul “Storyteller” Drebs, Shane “My Life Would Suck Without You” Maye, and of course Sanj “Bark for Your Love” Grewal and Brad “Sing for Your Supper” Ward, who are actually getting hitched this weekend in Grewal’s native Toronto. Next time you see them out and about, be sure to wish them congratulations, eh?

Before Hearsay actually danced with the masses and stumbled into Chuck “Come Party With Me” Bowers’ happy Hippo, it enjoyed hearing Ultra “Love’s The Only Drug” Nate. No, Nate did not actually perform on the Pride mainstage with headliner Amber, as Amber sang their 1998 dance remake of “If You Could Read My Mind.” But the Baltimorean was in town – she actually DJ’ed that evening at a private party at the gayborhood’s anchor restaurant, City Café. The Café’s Bruce “Over Easy” Bodie couldn’t stop raving to Hearsay about her deep-house set, which sure was a savory and sweet treat. And D.C. sure does represent in Bal’mer, to put it mildly: Bodie, it turns out, is a D.C. resident who owns the hip restaurant and coffee shop – and now also a bar/lounge – with his partner of 18 years, Gino “Scrambled” Cardinale. They were celebrating the completion of a dramatic renovation of the 15-year-old space – as well as Cardinale’s fortysomething birthday. Happy birthday, Gino. Nice cupcakes!....

Contrary to last week's ad in Metro Weekly, you won't find David "Sweet Tart" Perruzza at JR.'s tonight for the bar's Drag Bonanza, when all bartenders and barbacks will serve dressed as the most -- er, um -- beautiful ladies you've ever laid your eyes on. The JR.'s manager takes flight to gay Paree today for a week of petting the poodles of French men. He tells Hearsay he had the European vacation planned before the Drag Bonanza, and that he's really bummed he'll miss seeing his staff dolled up, especially Nic "Burly, Not Surly" Thompson. Hearsay, meanwhile, is giddy at the thought of seeing Mike "You Wanna Piece of Me?" Izeta for once wearing lipstick intentionally. Not to mention nail polish, a wig and a dress -- Perruzza says that's the extent of what staff will wear. "It'll be too hot for full face," he tells Hearsay. Also dressing up for fun, not glamour, will be Isaac "Buns Hun" Rehner, Alex "Beehive" Santos and Serghey "Secret" Z.

But why make them do all the work? You can dress up in drag, too! As long as you put on a wig and lipstick and wear a dress, you can drink free until midnight. Think of it as a different -- really different -- kind of ladies' night. Just don't get too used to it: Perruzza says they plan to do something different one Thursday a month from now on, but the Drag Bonanza will only happen once or twice a year at most...

Hearsay will have its complete report on Pride for you tomorrow -- and not just online, but also in the magazine! Yes, a rare print edition. Exciting, tain't it?

In the meantime, check out this infectious, fabulously fun look at "The 2009 Capital Pride Parade: The Metro Weekly Video" by our own David "Cat Scratch Fever" Uy with assistance from Chip "I'm A Wiener Man" Johnson. You'll be up and dancing to Martha "Raining Men Men Men Men" Wash in no time! Watch for the singing policeman and cameos from the Metro Weekly staff!

Just when Hearsay thought it was done with "Single Ladies," and had seen all the possible spoofs featuring men in tights imitating Beyonce -- after all, it's been 8 months since the song became ubiquitous -- here comes a Jonas Brother to act the fool. "I'm not that kind of girl!" Joe "Please Tweeze My Eyebrows" Jonas lip-synchs -- and the line is one of the few he even bothers to mime, so focused is Josephina on the half-assed wiggling of his hips. If you didn't know any better, you'd swear li'l Joe was drunk.

There are two things Hearsay learned from watching this video:

Joe has powerful big thighs. Why some might even call them mighty.

Joe has the all the grace of an Ipswich Clam, leading Hearsay to definitively claim once and for all that there is no possible way he's one of them there homo-sex-uals. Let's face it, no gay boy -- closeted or out -- dances that clumsily, even on purpose. Joe seems bereft of rhythm, altogether, a hallmark of pure straightness.

The whole shenanigan is all meant as a tease for the Jonas Brothers' forthcoming new album, Adenoidal Whine. And talk about a tease... "Don't click here or Joe will fall down! OMG!" Well, don't click on that teaser text -- Joe doesn't fall down. Rather, the link whisks us to a Kanye "Wild Wild" West video. Several other pop ups do the same thing throughout the video. And just when you thought Mr. West couldn't get any more shameless....

Hearsay was sifting through its mountain of spammail and noticed this from Amazon: As Hannibal might say, "Toughens your nipples, eh Senator?"

If you know cats -- and Hearsay is not talking the musical -- then you know cats generally despise water. They'll do anything to keep out of it, including keeping themselves clean with the use of their own tongue, a trick Hearsay has been trying to perfect, still to fruitless avail. Nonetheless, here is a cat that apparently doesn't mind the big dip. It comes to Hearsay courtesy Scott "Precision Shot" Shumaker. If you've spotted a crazy video or Web site on your internet travels and travails, let Hearsay know about it so it can help spread the gospel.

As far as Hearsay knows, Peter "I Love Vienna Sausages" Rauhofer hasn't been to D.C. since he spun for Cherry's main event a whole three years ago. So it's pretty momentous that he'll be here Saturday, May 30 for a "Summer Heat Special Event." Never mind that this is an ostensibly straight party, at a verifiably straight venue -- Ibiza Nightclub at 1222 First St. NE. Rauhofer's Star 69 Records labelmates' Samio and Nima Nas bbbbbb-- heck, they're his employees! -- will open for him, when the event kicks off at 10 p.m. Expect Rauhofer to go on around midnight, though a $4 special on domestic and rail ends then, so don't dilly-dally. The party ends at 3 a.m. Check out Ibiza's website to get reduced admission before 11 p.m.

Even if they can't take their shirts off, the gay boys will be out in force for this Grammy-winning gay dance music legend, trust. Hearsay will, too. When hot boys keep their shirts on, it adds a bit of mystery, and a whole lot of peekaboo fun. Not to mention, wandering glances from straight boys. Hearsay lives for such flirty friction.

It’s Memorial Day Weekend, which only means one thing: Hearsay’s sad, because it never gets invited to the beach. (Thank you very much, Dave. You, too, Bernie and Mike. Some friends YOU are.) Look, Hearsay swears that incident with the seaweed, a sponge and saltwater taffy was a one-time thing. And yes, the streaks are long gone. But for some reason, the Rehomo boys don’t trust Hearsay.

But that's fine -- who needs ‘em? Because Memorial Day also means there’s a lot going on in town. There’s Black Pride, of course -- and Metro Weekly’s got your official guide to the event both online and in the magazine. But there’s plenty else happening too. You can start it off by seeing the bears come out of hibernation. Watch them tomorrow night wander a bit dazed and confused – first clawing over to the reigning “Real Man’s Happy Hour” at Cobalt, then picnicking at the upstart Motley Bear Crue Invasion at the brand-new Motley Bar, before mauling each other at the Green Lantern where “Real Men. Dance.” Ah, there's nothing like a good, manly bump and grind. If you need even more rump -- and a different kind of bare -- why not hump it over to Secrets for a final unwind? It’s not every week that DJ Steve “This is a Stick-Up” Henderson visits from Chicago. Just every month or so.

Speaking of special visiting DJs, Saturday night brings the circuit’s best to Town. DJ Abel “Don’t Stop Believin’” Aguilera only gets here once or twice a year, and you’d be sorry if you ever missed him. Though, of course, one good excuse for at least a late arrival to Town (don’t forget, entry there ends at 2:45 a.m.) is at Cobalt, where there's another edition of the fun and funky monthly Shift party, this time with DJ ReddAJ.

And with Monday a major holiday, Sunday’s like a second Saturday. You could check out the Memorial Day Taint at DC9, where the half-D.C., half-N.Y.C. act Children’s Crusade will spin electro party pop for the anti-kiddies. But whatever you do, be sure you hit the revival of D.C.’s premiere club party, Calor, which has found a new (and better) home in Apex. DJ Susan “I Know What It’s Meant for, But I Got Needs” Morabito is set to launch your summer with a bang.

Now, if only she could get Hearsay a beach invitation. Maybe some seaweed, a sponge and a box of taffy would do the trick? Perhaps it’s not such a bad idea after all...