Metro Weekly

Don't Do These Five Things for Valentine's

2. Don’t Panic

So, here we are. It’s 3 p.m. on Tuesday, Feb. 14. You are, as they say, fucked.

Let’s be honest: You don’t have a lot of options if you’re expected to arrive home with some physical token of your love. But really, don’t panic. Take a deep breath. And another. One more.

Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. First, you live and/or work in the D.C. area. It is highly likely that you have one of many small stores in your locale that sell quirky cards, gourmet chocolates or decadent cupcakes. None coming to mind? Stay calm. This is why we have the Internet – to do neighborhood-based Google searches.

Still nothing? Stop shaking, we can get through this. Hit your browser again and see if you can get any advance tickets to shows, performances or concerts in the next two weeks. Don’t forget to print out the receipt so you have some proof.

Not finding anything? Oh, my. It’s 5 p.m. You may want to run down to CVS before the only thing left is a pile of Whitman’s Samplers. And don’t forget to give the gift that every inveterate procrastinator should have at the ready: a heartfelt apology.

Sean Bugg is Editor Emeritus for Metro Weekly.